<p>Wow! I’ve never before seen Birthright compared to a cult! The “agenda” of the rich guys funding this program is an interest in continuity of the Jewish people. One of the strongest predictors for a person continuing in the Jewish faith during their adult life is participation in an organized group trip to Israel (as a point of clarification…Birthright does accept people who have been to Israel before…just not if they’ve been on organized group program.) </p>
<p>As for the issue of disrespect…you will probably need to have a discussion with your son separate from your discussion about Birthright. To many on this thread…most of your arguments about the Birthright trip are irrational, xenophobic or helicopter-parenting to the max. So, if these are the positions you have presented to your son, some of us can see why your son has taken such an oppositional stand on this topic. </p>
<p>And…as for your concern about him spending time with Israeli soldiers when he hasn’t ever met a US soldier…you might suggest he spend some time with some members of the US military. Your son’s very protected and uneventful life so far is due in great measure to their service.</p>
<p>In the other thread, it is suggested that the Israeli soldiers are there to protect the tour group. So I guess that’s a plus, from the safety point of view.</p>
<p>It seems to me that the problem, from the son’s point of view, is that he has a father with totally irrational fears.</p>
<p>My daughter is quite adventurous and has lived and traveled all over the world – her Birthright trip is one of the tamest things she ever did (I worried that she might not like it because of the restrictions involved in being with an organized tour group – she was used to a lot more independence). But my d. does also have a nervous-nellie father who pretty sincerely believes that any airplane with a family member on it is bound to crash… never mind his fears about kids traveling to exotic parts of the world. </p>
<p>So what my kids learned, very early, is “don’t tell dad.” I would know of my daughter’s plans months before their father, because it was simply understood that dad would not be told anything that might upset him until it was, in fact, a done deal. This was not done to defy dad; it was done to avoid causing him undue emotional stress. If a trip to X was going to cause dad to agonize for 4 months during the preparation time, it simply was kinder to defer mentioning the trip until a few days prior to departure. </p>
<p>Fortunately, their dad has now been trained up. Either his fear reservoir has been exhausted through my d’s program of exposure therapy, or he has long since given up. (or, more likely, he has found better and more realistic things to worry about)</p>
<p>I think the one thing that is very clear here is that the OP’s assessment of “risk” is entirely unrealistic - whereas the kid has simply signed up for trip that thousands of kids sign up for year after year. I wouldn’t expect a kid in that situation to try to appease the father-- why should he restrict his own life experience to satisfy someone else’s neurosis? I’m sure he long ago has learned to shrug off his father’s ravings. (And a guy who would threaten to “cut off” his kid over signing up for what is essentially a rite-of-passage trip that almost all American Jewish kids either do or would like to do is simply not the sort of person who can be reasoned with – if it wasn’t this, it would inevitably be something else. )</p>
<p>Haven’t read everything so may be repeating here. I understand some of your concerns. However, your son is 19 and old enough to decide if this is something he wants to do. Since you are not paying the expenses, and it is not interfering with school, I can’t imagine that you would consider cutting off his financial support for college. The only thing you will accomplish is to convince your son that you are close-minded and controlling. Your son is going to start forming his own opinions whether or not you agree with them- hopefully you have instilled good values that allow him to examine options and make intelligent choices.</p>
<p>"signing up for what is essentially a rite-of-passage trip that almost all American Jewish kids either do or would like to do "</p>
<p>Speaking of stereotyping! I know lots of Jewish people who are deeply, deeply offended by trips like this. (Including Jewish college students as well.)</p>
<p>(Back to our regularly scheduled programming. I will go back into my lair…)</p>
<p>To back up Calmom- OP - you were a Jewish kid years ago - before Birthright. In this day and age, every Jewish young adult I know has done it, wants to do it, or is not eligible because they already went to Israel.
And as far as this or something else - didn’t you have a similar battle of the wills over fraternities about a year back?
I had a controlling father, and basically the kids just stopped dealing with him. We learned that his money wasn’t worth the grief that came with it. Really, just back off before its too late.</p>
<p>Maybe it depends on where you live, but around here trips to Israel for Jewish kids are extremely common. I have no idea how many of them are through Birthright, or something else.</p>
<p>OP, I sympathize with you to some extent. It’s hard to know exactly what to do when one of our kids wants to do something that we think is really stupid. My son is contemplating rushing a frat, even though he’s a junior. I think it’s nuts, and a waste of money, etc. I’m not going to keep him from doing it, but I sure don’t want him to. I think there is a temptation to blow up the dangers and downsides of a stupid decision, and that’s what I think you need to work through in this particular case.</p>
<p>“Almost all” is an overstatement but if you parse through their press releases currently about 1 in 3 worldwide make the trip (with the large majority from the US and Canada). Their goal is to get to 1 in 2. They may already be at 1 in 2 for the US.</p>
<p>What does that matter in the situation you find yourself in with your son?</p>
<p>He’s going. You don’t want him too. Now what? That’s the real issue, isn’t it? It seems debating about Birthright itself is just a distraction. What are you going to do about your relationship with your son now?</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I understand wanting to protect your child physically and emotionally from this trip. I wouldn’t want to harm the relationship by cutting off college funding, but perhaps a less severe consequence if you are dead set that you don’t want him to go. Despite that he is “independent,” you are still his parent. Ideally, talk it out with him. Bribing might not be the best way to go, but it’s less harmful than damaging your relationship by cutting him off from college. This could possibly lead to future problems though…but I wouldn’t want to damage my relationship with my child.</p>
<p>I know dozens of people who have gone on Israel trips, myself included. We’ve all come back unharmed, except for my cousin, who fell off a cliff. They have cliffs everywhere. </p>
<p>Please don’t let your fear dictate what your child can and can’t do. </p>
<p>And yes, BI has been criticized for having a very pro-Zionist slant. If you trust your son enough to invest so much money in his education, please trust him to form an opinion for himself.</p>
<p>Yep-- the parent gets to set the grief tax for financial blackmail (including bribery) and the children get to decide if and how long to pay it. Never a pretty sight.</p>
<p>Here’s an idea–why don’t you offer to take him on a family trip to Israel in place of the Birthright trip? That way you can go to safer places, avoid excessive contact with soldiers, and avoid the propaganda. You can show respect to his desire to visit Israel, and he can show respect to your concerns about the organized trip.</p>
<p>According to an article in EJewish Philanthropy, about 25% of all Jewish 22 year olds have been on a Birthright trip.</p>
<p>May not be “right of passage”, but a number that the article says is “beyond the tipping point.” For kids on college campuses with large Jewish populations, the number of kids who have taken a Birthright trip by the time they graduate could very well be over 25%.</p>
<p>I’m not controlling… at all.
As I said in a prior post, this is really the first time can recall really putting my foot down with my kids.
As far as the frat issue goes, it was really a five-minute conversation: “Join a frat if you want, but you’re paying for it myself as I’m not spending my money on this nonsense.” End of story, no argument.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the postings, but I will say that the young Jews that I have known who have done this trip have come back thinking seriously about their place in the world, and had fascinating things to say. I think it’s a wonderful opportunity for your son, and really can’t understand why you’d object. (I am the atheist child of a former Unitarian and a former Southern Baptist.)</p>
<p>There are many dangerous places in the world, but Israel is not particularly dangerous. </p>
<p>My son took up sky diving when he stopped SCUBA diving (after several friends of his died on deep water (>250 feet) dives).</p>
<p>I have never posted before despite reading cc for a year now. Something is telling you not to send your son…listen to that voice! I don’t see anything wrong with telling your kid this is an absolute deal breaker. You have raised this kid from birth, he must respect that this is too much for you. You are the parent, it is ok to say “no”</p>