Hello there. 12 of my family members, – cousins and their families-- were recently killed in South Lebanon by Israeli airstrikes. All were civilians, and around three quarters were women and children. This greatly affected my mental health, and consequently affected my grades.
I got a D- in my first (of two) Calculus III midterm as a result, in contrast to the 97% that I got in the final. That led me to getting a B overall in the class.
I also got a C+ in AP Research in the first trimester, in a similar fashion.
I had only one B prior to this, in the first trimester of freshman year. I thought that I should explain the circumstances in the Additional Information section of the Common App.
My older sister saw this in my additional information, though, and told me to remove it, because pro-Israel admissions counselors would become biased against me. I am unsure if this is the case, and if so, whether it would be worth removing it, so I decided to ask here.
These are the schools I’m applying to, if it helps (the order is just the deadline order, not the order in which I care about them):
Harvard, Northwestern, Yale, WashU, CMU, Rice, Stanford, UPenn, MIT, UChicago, Georgetown.
Should I perhaps just say that I had several deaths in the family? I’m not sure what to do. Being so vague makes me wonder if they would doubt me, and think I just fabricated this after being lazy and getting bad grades.
I’m Jewish and consider myself pro-Israel. If I were an admissions counselor, I would think it was fine to include the information, as long as you indicate that it was a very sad and traumatic event from a war, and do not claim that it was “killing civilians on purpose” or include the ratio of women/children (which strikes me as weird, not because of Israel, but because you love all your relatives and none deserved to die as noncombatants). I hope this is not offensive, but you asked for input.
If I recall from your previous post, you are in school in the US. Is your school counselor aware of the situation with your family? If so, the explanation may come better from the counselor.
It is not offensive, and I especially appreciate the input from someone pro-Israel. I included the ratio of women/children here to emphasize that they couldn’t be combatants, in case someone doubted that it’s true that noncombatants were killed. But, I suppose that if someone thought I were lying about these family members being noncombatant, there’s no reason they’d believe me about most being women and children either, so you’re right, it’s useless information to include.
When you say “indicate that it was a very sad and traumatic event from a war,” does part of that mean that I shouldn’t mention which country?
Again, thank you for the help. I appreciate it from anyone.
I too am sorry for your losses. I’m sure this was a very traumatic time for your family.
Not that you asked this…but you know these are ALL reach schools for all applicants. I think the additional information section is the least of your concerns. Include the info if you want to. I don’t think it is a problem to do so.
Really, any extenuating circumstances about grades should be explained in your counselor recommendation also.
If you don’t get accepted at these schools, you will never know why.
Thank you for your concern
I am in the US, correct. My counselor is not aware. I don’t know whether he’d see an email in time, either, because he hasn’t been responding to emails over this winter break.
Yep, true, they are all reach schools. I will be applying to my local state university in case I don’t get in, and I’m comfortable going there because I’d graduate in two years, so it’s a pretty good deal.
Is it really such a small concern? Isn’t an unexplained B and C+ in senior year a pretty big dent?
This is something that drives me crazy (and I’m a high school teacher and now administrator, so I know what I’m talking about) - when people involved in the college search sort of tune out for Winter Break, which is the prime worry time for students. I have always thought that GC etc. should be working on that time and then have other time off, e.g. in March maybe. I guess it’s easier for me to say as someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but I do celebrate a lot of holidays with workdays surrounding them, so anyway.
What I meant about the sad and traumatic event (and I am sorry for your losses), is that you would describe it as, “I suffered the traumatic loss of twelve family members as non-combatant casualties in the war between Lebanon and Israel. This had a serious impact on my well-being…” I think it’s less “political” than saying something like (not saying you would), “Israeli airstrikes killed my twelve cousins”. In fact, you don’t have to specify which side your relatives were on, if you are really worried about bias one way or the other.
I do think your sister is right in the sense that applicants should always wordsmith to make sure they are making the best possible impression on an unknown audience. Colleges definitely want diverse students to come, and they want to have students come who are able to have dialogue and lead to more peace in the future.
Thank you, I’ll make sure to describe it in that way.
About the counselor thing… This is very offtopic but do you happen to know if there’s anything I could do?? I was planning on only using QuestBridge RD until recently when I started using the CommonApp (the exact reasons are besides the point), and I emailed him to send the counselor LOR that he’s already written, over to CommonApp, some time ago… But I’ve got no response. Should I email my school principal or something? I know he checks his emails
I kind of doubt it would work to your advantage to email the principal (if he even checks his email on break ). That could annoy them and/or not lead to a soon result. However, the good news is that colleges have a softer deadline for adult aspects of the application. For example, I think it is Hopkins that has a full week after the student deadline before they even contact schools about missing recommendation letters. I remember something similar for MIT.
I think you should be proud of yourself for managing the QB and the CA with what seems like not so much school support. I’m glad your sister is there for you as well.
p.s. I meant to add that I once read something (I think in a book by Rabbi Harold Kushner) about how it’s important for parents and teachers to show up early for things that kids need. This reduces their stress immeasurably. I wish your letters had all been in on time, but please don’t worry about it too much. Just resolve in your own adulthood to be there for your kids and/or students ahead of time.
I agree an explanation might be good. But usually these types of things are addressed by the school counselor. Hopefully, this will get resolved when school resumes. Your school counselor might also have an opinion about whether you should write about this…and how.
Ah okay, that’s great to hear. So since I’ve sent the necessary requests and emails and everything, I’ll just wait it out, at least a few more days, and continue focusing on my side of the application – all the supplementals I’ve still got to write.
I’ll email him asking about it. He’s very, very new to being a counselor and doesn’t know that much yet, but he’s also very supportive.
School doesn’t start back up until January 6th, by which time (at least my part) most of these applications are due, so unfortunately that route isn’t so smooth
Well, I’ll see how it goes. Thank you for your responses I feel better able to handle this situation now
I am sorry for your loss but I would not include this. A counselor can address. But you have no way to prove this is why your grade dropped - and that’s why I would not include it. I would see it as excuse making. You don’t really know this is why you struggled.
But if your counselor wants to note it, that’s ok.
If it’s helpful at all to you, I would 100% echo what @fretfulmother is saying. Your application might be read by a pro-Israel Admissions Officer, and also the expectation of any AO is that they can put their own political feelings to the side when evaluating the real-life experiences of their applicants, and also that they can see applicants who are able to have thoughtful conversations and act as maturely as they can during incredibly trying circumstances.
I don’t know if sharing this information will impact your likelihood of acceptance - as you’ve been told and you know, these are reach schools no matter what - but certainly providing the context is more valuable than not doing so.
I also agree that the counselor can send their note in mid-January and it will be fine. If there is an appropriate place on an individual application, I think including your own explanation (using language like @fretfulmother suggested) would be quite reasonable.
So our family had some deaths in my son’s freshman year and it affected his grades, we presume. It was his grandmother and great grandmother passed 3 days apart. We had to pull him from school to drive for the funerals etc for a week. These were traumatic for our kids. His counselor wrote about it in his common app. Your counselor can add it in later.
I wouldn’t define the deaths as you did. I would put you had multiple close family member that died and it affected your performance at school or something like that. I would leave it as a one liner. Leave out anything political. No one is going to weigh one type of death over another. Any type is horrible and will affect your performance. I am sorry your going through this. It sounds like your an excellent student and this was your only dip.
The way I am describing it leaves out any bias if your concerned about that.
I also agree that hopefully you have safeties. All of these schools could be rejections for the best students.
I’m sorry to hear of your losses @eragonshadeslayer. That is indeed tough.
Me too, that is good advice in my opinion. You can mention the impact of losing a large number of family members all of a sudden, without making it sound political (which I know is not your intention).
). That could annoy them and/or not lead to a soon result. However, the good news is that colleges have a softer deadline for adult aspects of the application. For example, I think it is Hopkins that has a full week after the student deadline before they even contact schools about missing recommendation letters. I remember something similar for MIT.