<p>I personally wouldn’t recommend saying anything because you never know how serious this ‘summer love interest’ could become! If he really wants to make her a girlfriend, then you saying something could come across that you don’t like her and that may make him resent you.</p>
<p>I don’t think he is missing out on his summer program at all. I often see 2 people at a restaurant pull out their iPhone and chat with others while waiting for their food. I consider this behavior rude but I think this is the new normal, i.e… Sort of like ADD.</p>
<p>I like Chuckdoodle’s approach, but I also don’t think it hurts to mention the texting ONCE if it really is hours and hours of it.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone who recommends not saying anything about the texting and instead asking him about the new places he has been to and new people he has met. Maybe he has a twitter or instagram account wherein you can see pictures he has taken while abroad? If not, encourage him to create one and focus on the photos he is takingcommenting on the pictures in such as a way that you encourage him to keep taking photos. Tell him to take shots of the front of the deli, the food, the people on the street, anything unique not often seen here…</p>
<p>Hopefully, the photos he takes will allay your fears that the only thing he is doing is just texting the girl.</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who has lived in several different cultures, don’t worry that he’s not getting enough cultural experience even if he is not out during the evenings. Living in a foreign country, it’s impossible to not get plenty if he’s out and about during the day going to school. The food, the atmosphere, the architecture, the different way that things are done, different attitude, that all suffuses everything so that one simply lives it. Immersion in a culture, even if its not every possible minute, is plenty experience over time. </p>
<p>Also, give him some time. It’s not easy to make friends in a new country to hang out with, esp in some of the more ‘reserved’ countries. </p>
<p>And I would be glad if he was in he’s doing some school work and not going out every evening.</p>
<p>How old is your S? Is he 18/19 or 21/22. I might mention something if he’s younger but if he’s an older student, I don’t think he’d appreciate knowing that you were monitoring his text messaging even if it was while just casually perusing your phone bill.</p>
<p>cbug…one thing to consider. Your son could easily get his own cell plan…you would then have NO INFO about his phone or text usage. And yes…this could even happen if he is in a foreign country. </p>
<p>I really would say NOTHING.</p>
<p>When do you expect him to start living his own life?</p>
<p>Yes, keep in mind that all this texting is NORMAL to your son’s generation. YOU will be the one he considers odd if you bring it up!</p>
<p>I’ve had to learn this the hard way, through my 17-year-old son.</p>
<p>If I noticed something like that, yes, I would say something. I wouldn’t make any stipulations or demands or anything, but yes, I would say something. </p>
<p>If I don’t know about it, clearly I can’t say anything, but yes, when I notice something that I don’t think is the best way to spend time, money or to do things, I’ll say something, not just to my kids, but other close family members and friends. And they do to me as well. We don’t walk on eggshells around here. </p>
<p>I don’t go through my non minor children’s phone info at all even though they are on all bill because it is the most economical way of having cell phones for us. But if something stands out, I’ll say something. If privacy of those things is all fired important they can get their own plan or a second phone for total privacy. But, yeah, I say things all of the time to people, including my kids if I flag it as something useful to say. For me it’s a natural thing to do, and most of the time it does not seem to come off as confrontative, though, I admit sometimes it is. In this case, keep it cool.</p>
<p>Ha, cbug isn’t infringing on his privacy, it’s cbug’s phone bill.
It’s not like his GPS is secretly enabled.
I’m with Thumper- we considered pushing one of ours to get her own plan, then realized we at least have visibility. Just because kids are a certain age or because lots of people can text and interact at the same time, doesn’t mean “our” kids always make wise choices. This period is still a transition. </p>
<p>I have the same problem, but at home. I’m worried this will interfere with studies. We’ve had the talk (more than once, just as many issues need to be re-visited.) I don’t critique her behavior- it’s more about reminding her she does have choices and one is to ensure there is some balance in her life. If her grades suffer, she will have to deal with that. Personally, when I see mine doing something extreme, (not in the realm of live-and-learn,) I do pipe up- but in a way that promotes positive life skills. [All this sounds easier than it is.]</p>
<p>It’s not about kids always making wise choices. It’s making their choices. So long as they are not being a danger to themselves or others time to let them make their own decisions and mistakes.</p>
<p>My phone bill just shows me the number of texts not to whom or when they were sent. Perhaps changing your bill to that limited information would make it easier to leave the subject alone.</p>
<p>Regarding the love life, stay out of it. Nothing good will come of it and it is likely to drive him further away.</p>
<p>Do ask him how’s his trip to get your concerns addressed without tipping your hand. I’d consider that completely normal if someone’s traveling. </p>
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<p>Possibly normal in his/her group. However, they’ve probably yet to encounter a date who was so turned off that he/she left in the middle of the date. Lost count of how many folks of both genders in my social groups complained about rude dates who texted in the middle of their dates…sometimes to the point of ignoring the person in front of him/her. Some were so turned off by the behavior that they told off the offending texter and left in the middle of the date. </p>
<p>Most also tend to be of the late Gen X or Millenial generations so I’m not sure texting in the middle of the date is considered “normal” even to the latter generation. They all are of the mind that on a date…it is preferable for both parties to turn off the phone and give each other their full undivided attention.</p>
<p>I would totally not say anything. I agree w/ others–keep it more focused on ‘tell me all the wonderful things you’ve seen/done’.</p>
<p>And, I would not expect constant updates–when my D was studying abroad we only talked 1x a week (at most). </p>
<p>I can see how the knowledge of all that texting might drive you crazy but vent here & don’t go there with your S!</p>
<p>I would not send the message in #16. I understand the impulse but it is intrusive and controlling sounding (to me, a parent).</p>
<p>There’s a HSLife thread asking something about: does your family know how much you are on CC? Since I didn’t read it, I don’t know more. But I guess we could consider the question about our own diversions.</p>
<p>Still, just a comment: I am often surprised by how may parents advocate letting kids sink or swim; after all, they have one foot out of the nest. Yes, but it’s only a partial exit. We can continue to interact and try to influence. We do that with friends, spouses, co-workers, depending, right? But, in the right tone and with respect for the other.</p>
<p>wondering if you know for certain that s is not interacting, making friends, or if you are assuming so based on the texting pattern. It amazes me how quickly teens/college students can text and be out and about at the same time. </p>
<p>I personally don’t even track my 16 y.o.'s texting, while I did monitor his facebook activity, texting at times, I have since let up. My 21 and 22 yr old, I can’t imagine that…but I do recognize that if we have genuine concern about our young adult kids we can certainly share our thoughts, I think it’s more important to demonstrate we respect their autonomy. My kids share a whole lot with me, and I think it’s in part because it’s their choice.</p>
<p>I didn’t read through this whole thing, but in my generation, you can easily have texting marathons while doing other things. We’re used to the multi-tasking. Heck, most of us can text without looking at our screens. </p>
<p>I really wouldn’t get involved as long as the phone bill isn’t being run up. If they’re very close then the separation anxiety of not being able to text might ruin his experience abroad.</p>
<p>I am with Snowdog and others on that side of the fence. At some point we really, really need to let our ADULT children make decisions about how to live their lives. This doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want without ever offering advice, it means sometimes letting them make decisions that may not be what WE would do and hold our tongues so that they learn from those decisions. </p>
<p>I’m sure most of us pined away from a GF or BF at some point in our young lives. Some of us probably wrote long, long letters, ran up large phone bills or even took a weekend off from studying to be with them. The difference is that our parents weren’t hovering over our shoulders tsk-tsking about it. We learned, for good or bad, what happened when we made our “love of our lives” the focal point.</p>
<p>When our kids hit adulthood, they should be given as much autonomy as possible because they ARE adults. Why on earth is it ok for them to buy a home, get married, join the military, etc. but not text a little too much? If it costs you, fine. Set limits, but beyond that, keep quiet. I’m surprised some of the younger generation is ok with the level of overseeing their parents put on them.</p>