<p>Hello,
I know that most seniors in high school do end up going on beach week with a group of friends, but I feel that my daughter’s circumstances are a bit different. She has been with her boyfriend for over a year now and we do trust him. I guess I worry a little because he is 21 and she is 18 but he seems to be a pretty decent guy. Recently she asked me if she could go to California with him instead of a beach week with her friends to visit his family, which is where he is originally from. They would be staying at his grandparents house along with some other family members. I will be discussing her plans with the grandparents soon. I am just not sure if I am ready to let her go half way across the country with a boy. I know she is leaving for college soon and she is 18, but I still feel obligated to protect her. I would like to know what other parent’s views are on this situation? </p>
<p>That is a tough one for me, speaking as a mother of daughters and sons. Do you think their relationship is healthy? If they are “going half way across the country”, does she already have a plane ticket? If she does, it is really hard to but the horse back in the barn. </p>
<p>I forgot to add that she is paying for the trip herself. She has not bought a ticket for the trip yet though. I would say that their relationship is pretty healthy. She has never complained of any issues between them to me</p>
<p>I’d feel obligated to protect her, but would feel all I could do is advise her. I’d say that as her mom I still feel responsible and if she is far away and needs to get back on her own, it can be more complicated than just needing mad money. I’d ask what her plan was if anything went wrong, personally. Then I’d say it was her choice, and worry.</p>
<p>If the family is a decent family, and they are going to be present in the house, I think being his grandparents’ house guest and seeing the sights in California is probably a more wholesome and worthwhile way to spend the week than being camped out in a cheap motel, with most of your high school graduating class getting drunk and throwing up around you.</p>
<p>It depends what kind of risks you fear. A family gathering in a grandparent’s home sounds much safer to me than a beach week. But I don’t view having sex within a relationship as risky behavior, and I DO view unsupervised underage drinking as a risky behavior. Planes across the country are actually way safer than cars driven by teenagers going 20 miles away.</p>
<p>“Most” HS seniors do not in fact go on beach weekends with their friends. (I realize that it is more common in some regions.) I always wonder about a 21 yr old man who is dating a HS kid. This particular 4-year gap make a lot more difference at that stage than it does in the mid-20s or later, where at some point it disappears entirely.</p>
<p>That said, I completely agree that a trip to visit family sounds a LOT better than a drunken week at the beach. </p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies. Yes, at the beginning my husband and I were a bit worried about the 3 year age gap but we also want our daughter to be happy. Despite their age gap, they seem to be on the same maturity level and get along quite well. We trust him in that he has never put our daughter in a dangerous situation, brings her back from dates on time, talks to us with ease, etc. I will continue to think about my decision, I’m still not completely sold on the entire plan. </p>
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We trust him in that he has never put our daughter in a dangerous situation, brings her back from dates on time, talks to us with ease, etc. I will continue to think about my decision, I’m still not completely sold on the entire plan.
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<p>oh, ok. I thought you meant that you trusted him not to want sex. lol </p>
<p>There is a point where you have to let go at Age 18. I have this feeling you are there with your daughter. Forget the sex issue; at 18, she will have it if she wants.</p>
<p>This is completely irrational, but the one point that gives me pause is that she is still in high school. Not that she is just 18, that is legal, not that the boyfriend is 21, just that she hasn’t graduated yet. If she were eighteen and on college spring break, I would have no qualms. </p>
<p>Staying at grandma’s house sounds pretty safe. </p>
<p>She’s 18 and paying for it herself. That honestly puts her lightyears ahead of most 18 year olds. </p>
<p>I’m not a parent so take my advice knowing that (I am a grad student) but I went halfway across the country with my then-bf when I was a senior in hs (although we had vacationed together with family several times before that).</p>
<p>She’s not going halfway across the country with some boy. She is a woman going to visit her boyfriend’s family and even paying for it herself. That sounds like a much better plan than a typical drunken week on a beach that will probably involve sex, alcohol, and bad decisions. </p>
<p>I’d much rather a daughter of mine went to visit a friend or boyfriend’s family at ANYTIME, rather than go whoop it up with a bunch of drunk kids on the beach. I’ve heard of some pretty hair-curling stories come out of those weeks. My own parents were pretty conservative and even THEY let me visit BF’s family. They would not have been as supportive of a 'beach week".</p>
<p>I’m in the let her go camp. And the worry camp. But would you be worried if she was going on the same trip with a female friend? What’s the worst that can happen, that couldn’t happen if they were close by? </p>
<p>Given your description, I would absolutely let your daughter go. As others have said, this sounds safer to me than the partying at the beach type week a lot of students take. Honestly… they aren’t going to do anything on vacation they probably don’t do at home. I might even help out with the ticket if it were my kid… And for what it is worth, I have two daughters, age 24 and 18. Would have/would let either of them go in that situation. In six months she is going to be at college, and they have long weekends, spring break, etc. where they are going off on vacation with other students and you have a lot less knowledge of where they are going than you have in this situation.</p>
<p>Count me in the let her go group as well. It is way better for her to go visit bf’s family across the country than go to beach week with HS seniors.</p>