<p>Oh boy, well, of course your daughter will be upset, but she will also know that you are deeply concerned about her. Which is a good thing. As the others have said, you do what you have to to protect your child. That’s just the way it is. </p>
<p>Though I don’t know the details, it sounds like she is in over her head with this , and she really needs your help setting boundaries here. You are doing what you have to do as a loving parent. And good luck with your talk with the boy’s parents. I hope it goes as well as it can in a situation like this . . .</p>
<p>mom, read that book, you can then understand how to talk to your D…that whole codependent thing, the rescuer, the “they are against us” thinking</p>
<p>they are both 15, a really vulnerable and dangerous time</p>
<p>Besides there will be many more oportunities for your D to get mad at you. After all she’s only 15. My D found many, many things to get mad at me about. However, She still finishes every call with I love you daddy. She’s in college now and knows Mom is for crying about something and dad is for reasoning about something, often the same thing. </p>
<p>Tell the boys parents of your concerns. They will be livid and embarassed, but they will chew on the kid abit OR get him help if need be. I’m still not convinced he has a real problem vs. acting like one for atteintion and drama. I could be wrong, but I have a feeling he’s playing chicken and is just curious to see who’ll will serve first.</p>
<p>It’s so good to hear that my “snooping” is ok. D is always calling me “stalker-mom”, and even my older S tells me I have too much interest in D’s private life and I should let her have some privacy. But parents I’ve talked to who have raised teens have told me I cannot turn a blind eye, and I need to snoop and not feel bad about it. On the whole, if I have to choose whether to be too involved or not involved enough, I’ll err on the side of too involved.</p>
<p>That’s not to say my kids shouldn’t feel the consequences of their actions and learn to stand on their own two feet! But I think hubby and I need to set appropriate boundaries, and my “snooping” allows me to feel comfortable about where we set those boundaries.</p>
<p>I’m curious about the definition of “snooping” here. What exactly are we talking about? Asking her friends questions? Listening on phone conversations? Reading a diary?</p>
<p>I’m just curious. I feel like this whole “pro-snooping” attitude is based around a probably correct assumption that parents know better than their children. While this is usually true (as I said), sometimes I think parents don’t give teenagers enough credit. </p>
<p>I’m not questioning your judgement at all here, by the sound of the situation, this seems like you are taking the exact right action. And from my personal experience (mentioned earlier in the thread), I know its likely that your daughter may very well be better off because of it.</p>
<p>Ellen, thanks for the support. We didn’t have to talk to BF’s parents, he decided to talk to them. Things have improved greatly already.</p>
<p>D and I have had a long talk, and I will not be doing any more “snooping” because I don’t believe there is a need for me to do so. I will remain attentive and ask questions as I think they are warranted, and she will let me know if/when she thinks she needs help.</p>