<p>In general, the guy still pays. </p>
<p>In my own opinion, whoever asks should pay. I asked my partner out so I paid. Seems to have worked 
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<p>“Sometimes, the issue is not that the male is not willing to pay. It is how much he ends up paying. Not only what kind of restaurants they choose to go, but also what they order at the restaurant. One person may expect a full meal, including appetizer, drinks, and dessert but the other person is not willing to do so or is not capable of doing so.”</p>
<p>If the asker can’t afford a reasonable full meal, he shouldn’t be taking her there. Otoh, a girl with any class is going to be mindful of / sensitive to the situation. Who hasn’t taught their kids that you don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu if someone else is paying (unless you KNOW it’s someone who won’t mind)? </p>
<p>This is vaguelystarting to sound like the SD/SB thread… lol :)</p>
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<p>Works for me! Everyone I have ever been out on a date with was always at least a few months older than I. DH is 9 months my senior! :)</p>
<p>Good thing DH and I are married as I’d go broke on that deal. DS#`1 is younger than his fiancee’, so I like that one. DS#2 is a few mos older than his gf, so he’s stuck for the bill.</p>
<p>When a kid grew up from a family above a certain level of SES class, he or she naturally thinks this is just a small amount of money. You can say they are not considerate. But they may naturally behave like this.</p>
<p>One of DS’s suitemates in college came from a weathy family. His parents have tried very hard to raise him right. He is a good kid. But you could still see the difference regarding how to spend money (their family could afford expensive vacations as many times as they want each year - and always flying first-class for vacations.)</p>
<p>Two families of DS’s suitmates, on two different occasions, took almost all suitemates to some expensive restaurants and likely spent 50-100 dollars per person and never asked any of them to pay. Another family took DS out for a three-day trip including all meals and a concert. When DS offered to pay, they only took 10 or 20 dollars from DS, just to make DS “feel comfortable”. I heard the ticket to the concert is several times more than that. They are all very generous and nice families. But when you date somebody from such a family background, it has its challenge due to a different life style.</p>
<p>Also, almost none of his suitemates are willing to spend time in cleaning the suite at the end of the year. All but two of them chose to pay “fines” because of not cleaning their suite at the end of the school year. (We did not know this in the first year or two. It ends up only DS and we were cleaning the common area in the suite. Later years, we also chose to pay the fines because it looked strange that only we were the ones who cleaned the common area.)</p>
<p>I had one paying date with my husband. We were coworkers and went to lunch everyday until I left that company. So we were friends before bf/gf.
He came to my house helping me with my land scaling and I grilled some steaks for dinner. He drank the best reserved wine that I bought for special occasion, I guess now that was a special occasion and thought the wine was quite good and kept coming back for more. By the time we we’re engaged the rack of wines for special occasion was gone.</p>
<p>*lanscaping not *land scaling</p>
<p>I think it’s to a guy’s advantage to pay. He is trying to demonstrate that he will be a provider if they become mates. Likewise, dating is when a girl demonstrates her nurturing side - empathetic listening frex. For both parties dating is actually a series of auditions for a future long term relationship.</p>
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<p>I am trying without complete success to keep out of this thread. You pay to increase your chance of seeing “it”?? What on earth is “it”?</p>
<p>I’m kind of shocked at how many people think guys should do all the paying because of some terribly outdated notion of “protector”, “provider” and “being taken care of”. UGH UGH UGH. When I was back in the dating world after my divorce, it was usually the person who asked, though often first dates were “free” in that we took advantage of the many lovely Seattle area parks or sites one can visit for almost nothing. H and I paid equally all along and we still divide household costs because it’s a partnership, not an providership. My oldest doesn’t date but the the two girls (one in her 20’s one in HS) pay their own way. Older D’s BF makes a lot more than her so he buys her lovely gifts sometimes. But she has NEVER expected him to take care of her. </p>
<p>Is it any wonder why women as a whole make so much less then men and aren’t promoted as much, or are easily downsized? Since so many still expect to be taken care of, why should companies expect them to be equal, when they themselves don’t want to be? Hopefully the younger generation will fix this.</p>
<p>Our sons, two in college and two still in high school, have grown up in the group outing scene. It’s a much different dynamic trying to define if a girl is romantically interested or not since they start relationships from within friend groups. It’s almost like first dates have disappeared. The way our boys show that they are interested in a dating relationship is by offering to pay for the girl during the group outings. If that goes well, they move to going out as a couple. The boys have always paid for their dates. </p>
<p>I’ve noticed that people of similar SES’s tend to socialize with each other. Finances become a barrier when one is not able to keep up with peers financially. It can even happen with people in different stages of life. One of my friends graduated before me. Once she had a job, she could afford to do things I couldn’t as a student. It was hard to do things together. Once I had kids, I could no longer go out at the spur of a moment with friends who didn’t have kids and didn’t need to arrange for a sitter each time they wanted to go out. </p>
<p>I think expectations and consideration are part of any relationship. If I was interested in a guy, I would not expect him to spend an extraordinary amount of money on a date if he couldn’t afford it. That kind of date would also make me uncomfortable. A date could be a hike with a picnic, or modest dinner and a movie. </p>
<p>Generosity is a good trait. It isn’t all about money, but on a first date, people don’t know anything about each other. Paying for the date is an act of generosity, and generous guy will learn soon enough what kind of woman he is dating. If she cares about him, she will also be an equal participant in the relationship.</p>
<p>I’ve always been MUCH happier with my romantic relationships when I made the first move, ( in situations where mutual attraction was apparent, but was obvious that it would take forever if I waited for the man to move from friendship to something else- the man seemed so relieved and happy that it was quite empowering for me and I would highly recommend it.)</p>
<p>So I agree that the one who asks pays, but as it settles into more of a serious relationship, you take turns or pay commensurate with your income, such as when H & I lived together before we were married, we both chipped in the same % of our income to household expenses.</p>
<p>I would also throughly disagree that dating is necessarily auditioning for a long term relationship.
You may date a ton of people that you know you would never marry, but you enjoy their company, or you want to shock your parents and annoy your friends, or just want to explore that part of yourself that is attracted to them.
I dated one guy just because he was an artist, and that was unusual in my circle of friends at the time.
I appreciated his interest in design and enjoyed talking with him about things that I didn’t share with my other friends. But as he was living hand to mouth and I had no idea if he would ever be able to support a family that way, I didn’t consider a long term relationship with him. I wasn’t thinking about that then anyway.</p>
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<p>Oh gag. </p>
<p>I guess it’s a good thing I paid for the first date since I’m the provider. I’m also glad that my partner didn’t expect to see my “nurturing” side… because it doesn’t really exist! That’s all him. </p>
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LOL, god knows what it meant. The iPhone has its own brain. 
No I meant to see the girl.</p>
<p>roman, my husband has more nurturing side than me. There is not a single animal or plant that was killed under his care.</p>
<p>Anyone else remember those Sadie Hawkins dances from middle school and high school? They are the only time I can remember asking a boy out, and of course we were supposed to pay for the ticket. I grew up with brothers and they always advised me against asking guys out and I guess I took their counsel. Things have progressed and I think now many girls do ask guys, and I am in the camp that it is the person doing the asking that should expect to pay.</p>
<p>My S always pays but he is in 10th grade so the “dates” are usually something like a movie or pizza at the main street pizza shop. H makes sure S has enough to pay before he goes out. I think S is the type that will always pay no matter who does the asking - he is just that way. My guess is he would not accept an invitation from a girl he did not like, and if he liked her he would want to pay. </p>
<p>D is away at boarding school so not sure how that all works. From what I hear they tend to go out “en masse” in co-ed groups to the local town. I am thinking everyone pays for themselves even if a guy you like is with you. She was asked to a few of the upperclassmen formals through the years and the guys paid for everything associated with those. Over the summer when she was home she did date one of our neighbor’s sons very casually. He asked and paid as far as I know. Nothing extravagant - PF Changs, Brio and of course Chipolte!</p>
<p>Now I remember for prom my daughter paid for the ticket. But she got the guy to buy corsage.
For another kid who invited her dates to her prom and she got free tickets because she did video for the yearbook.
But I think she eventually drop that boyfriend because he consistently being cheap about things in general. </p>
<p>In my days of dating back in the Stone Age, the custom was for the guy to pay, but then after some dates, the girl may invite him over for a home-cooked meal (that obviously she provides). I know that probably isn’t all that popular anymore. </p>