<p>It doesn’t work on iPhone. It works when I’m on my computer.</p>
<p>Mcat2- that’s a horrible story. I agree that getting killed should not be a consequence of letting a guy pay for too many dates, but that said, a one way relationship where one person is paying too much is not fair. </p>
<p>There have been some great discussions of finances in long term relationships. The original topic is paying for the first date. This is a custom that may or may not be relevant to different people. I personally like the custom- I tend to be traditional about these things. But paying for the first date doesn’t mean paying for all of them, or a girl just sitting back and contributing nothing while the guy goes on paying for everything from that day forward. Ideally, if a relationship is to continue it progresses to more of a partnership than formal dating, and yes, the rules in that partnership are those that the couple chooses personally because they work for them. </p>
<p>I also believe in honesty. If one is certain that the relationship isn’t what they want, then it isn’t fair to continue letting someone pay for dates and give them false hope. One needs to let this person go to find someone who wants to get married too. If one person wants to get married and the other does not, then dating for 6 months, accepting expensive vacations, is just not fair. Even if it takes time to figure this out, it is a good idea to not ring up large costs during that time. Too much too fast can be a red flag of a narcissistic relationship that is dangerous to continue. </p>
<p>So back to that first date- yes I would like the traditional first date, but I also want a fair and equal relationship and I think it is possible to have both, </p>
<p>I think guys should pay for the first date. Even later on, it is not classy to ask for separate checks. It is better to take turns to pay once you are considered a couple. I often ask my girls if they pay for things, especially once they become more serious. If I had a son, I wouldn’t think that well of a girl if she never offers to pay. </p>
<p>My niece is going out with someone who is working now, but always insists on her paying for her share because he feels it’s coming out of her parents pocket. Her father doesn’t have a lot of good things to say about this young man.</p>
<p>Even my sister in law had to carry a credit card when she was dating my brother. She was not working but her brother gave her his card. I think in our culture (I’m not passing judgment if others do, just giving anecdote here), it’s not considered highly for one to expect the opposite sex to pay all the time. </p>
<p>Most servers put the check in the center of the table here, but some still hand the bill to H. And sometimes when I am the one paying, they’ll hand the credit card and receipt back to HIM, but it doesn’t happen often. Things are changing. </p>
<p>When I was married before, I didn’t work and we had a joint account, though I kept one of my own once we split up.I always felt like I had to justify expenses and ask permission-I didn’t like it. In my current marriage we discuss expensive things but everyday expenses are divided and neither of of has to ask permission for spending on them. Personal purchases are just that. I remember a thread here where the H bought something expensive and the wife felt he’d overspent so was looking for ideas for a “revenge” purchase. That seemed to me like the wrong way to go about it.</p>
<p>I looked up the sad story that my friend told me. I think it is like this one.</p>
<p><a href=“http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/this-urban-jungle/taiwan-graduate-stabs-ex-gf-34-times-to-death-after-she-rejects-getting-back”>http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/this-urban-jungle/taiwan-graduate-stabs-ex-gf-34-times-to-death-after-she-rejects-getting-back</a></p>
<p>So sad for the woman. So evil for the man.</p>
<p>My friend told me that the girl went to Disneyland (the one in HK, not the one in CA) and Japan with him. We were at Disneyland CA before and I know how expensive it is to go to such a place , especially for young people. I was told by my friend that the Japan trip was right before the breakup, when she was trying to decide whether she really wanted to leave him. She was just too inexperienced or too naive.</p>
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<p>I read the story (Post #105). It has nothing to do with money and dating. He did not know the difference between love and ownership and he thought she was his. The guy was sick in the head</p>
<p>@greatlakesmom</p>
<p>That could be. My experiences are mostly in Calif, Alabama, Florida, Indiana, and Illinois.</p>
<p>I agree with @Pennylane2011. A girl should not continue to accept invitations or accept expensive gifts from a man if she knows she is not interested. I think that is bad form and rises to the level of taking advantage of someone. Even worse it is taking advantage of a person who likes you and is treating you well - that is a character flaw in my book. </p>
<p>That is one thing I make sure my D understands. And because my S tends to be “generous of spirit” both H and myself will speak to him about the subject when he is a bit older. </p>
<p>My daughter spent a while this summer going on a lot of first dates with guys she met on OKCupid. The protocol was this: you meet at a place where you order at the counter, you each pay for your meal, and you meet and talk. No obligation on either side. </p>
<p>I can remember all too well the complete glass bowl who insisted that because he’d paid for dinner, he was entitled to recompense in the form of sex. It was 1979. Sadly, the attitude is still out there. </p>