<p>My sister’s ex-boyfriend is a psycho stalker. Yeah, I know… I couldn’t believe people like that actually exist. Anyway, I’ve known from the first time I met him that there was something off about him, even though my family was oblivious to it. My instinct has proven to be spot-on. When they broke up, the stalking began (he started to appear at the house uninvited, banging on the door cursing, throwing rocks at the windows, etc.). At first, my sister was reluctant to get the police involved, but I was fearless in calling the police, so one day, I did, and he took off. Months later, he hasn’t stopped harassing my sister (calling the housephone, cellphone leaving threatening messages). Recently, my sister filed a restraining order against him, but now, he thinks my mother is behind his decision to do so and is now making threatening remarks about her. There’s a possibility that he’s after me too. What should we do?? The guy is especially angry that his career is basically ruined (since my sister will not drop the case). We have no guilt because we gave him months to correct himself (taking into consideration his career advancement), yet he didn’t. We’re worried he might retaliate. The scary thing is that he’s experienced at handling guns(his job requires this skill) and that he’s physically stronger than any of us.</p>
<p>and I’d be definitely getting restraining orders.</p>
<p>By the way, definitely look into a restraining order for her. There is no reason why a psycho like that should be allowed to get anywhere close to you guys. It is unfortunate that things work out that way sometimes. Hope the situation settles down a bit and that guy lays off.</p>
<p>correction to my original post: </p>
<p>“he thinks my mother is behind his decision to do so”</p>
<p>“…behind HER decision…”</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your support. This is frightening.</p>
<p>'tisthetruth,
coming from a parent, please feel free to post this kind of thing on the parent cafe. You will actually receive mature, useful advice.</p>
<p>Tisthetruth…I have moved your thread from College Admissions to College Life (where you had intended to post it) but also copied it to the Parent Cafe where you will get some good advice. I have deleted the inappropriate responses that violated our Terms of Service.</p>
<p>'Tis, do file restraining orders, keep law enforcement involved, keep a written record of events, change ALL telephone numbers, change or vary daily routes and times; be careful with mail (packages, etc.) that no one in the family ordered or that you do not recognize; pay attention to condition of vehicles (if parked outside at home or work, check for tire damage, etc.) and, inform key people in your inner circle so that they can be alert for anomolous or suspicious behavior. This would include employers, IF the person knows where family members work, and where cars are parked during working hours; also includes neighbors. </p>
<p>In addition, be doubly vigilant about banking, credit and health records, or any other information of a personal nature that this person may have acquired while he was interacting with your sister.</p>
<p>Call the police again and have him arrested again if he is threatening other members of the family. Seriously.</p>
<p>Yes. Restraining orders all around, as advised above.</p>
<p>Also, change the locks and stop hiding a key, if you do so. Are you at school? If in a dorm, please involve your RA, the housing staff, and campus security. </p>
<p>Don’t take any chances. Being TOO careful is a good thing here.</p>
<p>Do you or any members of your family own firearms? If not consider getting a handgun AND training. It may save your life</p>
<p>How awful, and how frightening. Do absolutely everything within the law to protect yourselves. All the above advice is excellent. You might even consider hiring a private investigator. If you can have him followed and possible caught in the act of doing something dangerous or illegal, you can press further charges. Stalkers are dangerous people with distorted thinking. Protect yourselves. Fortunately many states have passed stalking laws that provide additional protection for the victims. Use them.</p>
<p>CollegeMom,
Thanks for the move and for deleting the posts…it is disturbing when someone really needs advice and they aren’t getting it.
Go mods! :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Good for you. So many people tamp down that little feeling that something’s not right, but listening to that feeling is a major survival skill. You’ve gotten plenty of good advice. Stick to your guns; don’t let anyone try to convince you that this is less serious than it is. </p>
<p>Definitely get information on how to protect yourself in case this the stalker breaks into your home or comes after one of you outside. Your local battered women’s shelter probably has some literature or information about this. Little things you don’t think of (never run into a room without another exit, stay out of rooms like the kitchen where it’s easy for someone to get something he can hurt you with) can help save your life.</p>
<p>I try not to be too critical of other posters here, but contacting a “battered women’s shelter” is probably the last thing on the list of things to do.</p>
<p>Get your local police involved, get a good lawyer, and hire a private security person to protect anyone who feels threatened.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You must have missed the part about “You’ve gotten plenty of good advice.” My recommendation was in addition to the other advice in the thread.</p>
<p>In many cases, involving the police, judges, getting restraining orders, dotting every i and crossing every t via the legal system, does not stop a determined perpetrator. </p>
<p>I realise that some people have strong religious objections to battered women’s shelters. However, battered women’s shelters are specialists in dealing with this kind of problem. They can also provide free legal assistance and safe haven if the OP is unable to afford a private lawyer and round the clock security. (Not everyone can afford these things out of pocket, especially for indefinite periods).</p>
<p>And they can help empower the women involved to learn how to maximize their personal security in a number of environments.</p>
<p>This similar sort of thing actually happened with my friend and her sister. Her sister’s ex-boyfriend began to terrorize the family, including showing up at track meets (for her sister) and even my friend’s school socials. Then he took a baseball bat to her car. They finally were able to get a restraining order after a month or two.</p>
<p>I’m sure “battered women’s centers” offer wonderful advice re: contacting the police, getting restraining orders, etc.</p>
<p>To suggest that those centers can somehow offer some extra special advice that police, legal counsel, etc. don’t know about is naive and dangerous.</p>
<p>VoxDei, is it a religious or political objection you have to battered women’s shelters? </p>
<p>Or is there some personal reason that you don’t want the OP and her family to have access to free legal aid and a volunteer to help them navigate the maze of the justice system?</p>
<p>Why would you object to their making a simple phone call to find out if there is training on or resources for self-protection available to them in addition to what the police and an attorney can provide? </p>
<p>How on earth is making a simple phone call in addition to the other advice they’ve been given going to put them in more danger than they already are?</p>
<p>What’s naive is expecting the police and a lawyer to solve all your problems when you’re being stalked. There was even an instance of a judge being killed in her own chambers by an ex- she’d gotten a restraining order against.</p>
<p>No one with real life experience in advocacy for the victims of stalking and domestic violence would expect the legal system to meet all the needs and dismiss other resources.</p>
<p>I typed a long message, but it got deleted in the process of posting it. Anyway, here’s the essence of what I said:</p>
<p>-Only after reading the posts on here did I realize how much more serious the situation actually is, and I’m angry that we have to deal with it on top of everything else. Getting guns and gun training? Wow, our lives are really at-risk here…what a living nightmare!
-My sister said today that she’s no longer pursuing the case because of scheduling conflict; filing a restraining order requires that she goes back to court periodically, but her new job is unforgiving of absences during the review period. Thus, she can’t afford to appear in court late next week, at which point the restraining order currently in effect will expire. Re-scheduling for the weekend is not possible, since the court is open only on weekdays, which is when she has to work.
-What I’m afraid might happen is that when she’s finally able to take a day off, she will no longer have the evidence required to get the order of protection request approved (phone messages, for instance, get automatically deleted after 14 days regardless of the available storage memory; also, the evidence might no longer be current enough to warrant an extension of the order). If he does stop, I’m afraid he will suddenly strike, and it will be too late to do anything by then.
-We also have no evidence of his showing up at the door uninvited (just neighbors who might or might not have witnessed his presence), banging on the door and waiting for several hours outside until someone came out. We should’ve installed a camera a long time ago. Other precautions like hiring a private investigator is unfeasible because we don’t have the financial resources to do it.</p>
<p>Btw, thanks to CollegeMom for moving this thread to the appropriate forum and thanks everyone for your thoughtfulness.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about your co-worker and his wife.</p>
<p>Just curious, but why would you assume that my advice to talk to the police, legal counsel, etc. before the “battered women’s center” was either religous or political?</p>