<p>I just read this dreadful story of a 13-year-old girl who was having an online affair with a 35-year-old man; the computer is in the livingroom, mom walks by and peeks every so often, but…the girl is using lingo that means nothing to mom, but is in fact sexually oriented shorthand. </p>
<p>Does anyone here think that IM can get out of control? Do we really know what they are saying? POS, GYPO, OLL, NIFOC. All I can say is OMG!!! I am shocked.</p>
<p>When my son was around 12, he got into a scary conversation with someone who turned out to be harmless. But he got into a conversation with a teacher from a different part of the country who wanted to visit our school district. My poor little gullible kid invited him over…giving him details of the school’s location etc. Then school authorities, the Principal of the middle school called me at work to tell me he was doing something very dangerous and why I wasn’t monitoring him! The guy in question turned out to be genuinely a teacher and wanting to talk to other teachers.</p>
<p>The end result was, my son lost his IM privileges on AOL for at least a year and a half. And he had learned his lesson, so it was reinstated but he NEVER again ventured into a chat room. This was in 1998 or so!</p>
<p>FYI: Net lingo</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm[/url]”>http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm</a></p>
<p>Every IM acronym you could ever want to know.</p>
<p>Yeah Schwaby, I did know about the netlingo site; it appears that a lot of the lingo is for the specific purpose of confusing or evading parents. Both of my teens have also had minor situations, that had the potential to turn into an uncomfortable situation; but fortunately I ‘forced’ them to show me the entire message, and explain what each term meant, and then had a serious talk that went on for about 1 week.</p>
<p>I have heard of products like I.M.Control, that allow you to set starting and ending times for them to IM, so at least it is not going on right through AP Physics, AP Gov., and Spanish homework.</p>
<p>Also heard of a book called ‘A Girls Life Online’, but not sure if it is for concerned parents.</p>
<p>Actually, I stopped monitoring his IM a long time ago; after he stopped visiting chat rooms. I don’t know if that was a good thing to do or not…but I figured, how bad can it be if he is only talking to friends? I used to chide him for spending too much time on IM.</p>
<p>And he sometimes uses his IM away message to send specific messages to friends. Some of them give away a lot more info that he’d want me to know…so.</p>
<p>I’ve never monitored my kids’ IM. I think that stories like the 13 year old getting involved with an adult are rarities. If you teach your children the dangers of the internet, just like any other type of ‘street-proofing’, it should be enough. Most kids are just chatting with friends, and the bigger problem is them wasting time, not hooking up with strangers! 
I must say, though, that another post I read about the mother setting up her computer by her bedside so that she could hear when her D came home, while away at college, was pretty sad. People who go to those lengths to maintain control over their children usually are the ones who end up with problems.</p>
<p>My daughter only IM’s friends…but I am seriously considering instituting some sort of block on her IM because I believe it interfers with study time. Last night, for instance, she reported news from several IM’s she had received from friends throughout the evening to me…and then ended up getting up at 3 a.m. this morning to finish the paper that was due today. This happens often enough that I know much of the time she is supposedly locked away “studying” she is actually IMing.</p>
<p>Has anyone had any success in limiting IM time? Any suggestions on how to go about it?</p>
<p>Carolyn, good luck!! I think it is easier to climb Mount Everest. Let us know if you succeed.</p>
<p>Carolyn, same problem with my daughter and I don’t know how to control it either. Her grades were not so great last semester and so we said no I-M-ing during homework. Her way around that is, “I’m asking so and so a question about math.” I walk through the computer room several times an evening and remind her to focus but I know she minimizes the IM screen when she hears me coming. I repeatedly remind her that she says she wants to go to XYZ semi-rigorous college but weak grades for the junior year may make that difficult. </p>
<p>It seems I-M-ing is the major form of socializing for teens now–even my older two never did it this much–they used the house phone (oldest) or cell phone(middle) more. My youngest and her friends all chat together via IM during the course of the evening but it HAS to interfere with concentration. It reminds me of the telephone scene in Bye Bye Birdie except in the modern day version they are all talking at once.</p>
<p>In many ways computers have harmed productivity as much as helping it. I think it is especially bad with kids. Think about all the time we kill here and I bet more than a few of us are at work right now.</p>
<p>Thank you, Schwaby. My knowledge previously stopped at LOL and POS. Glad to have the opportunity to get a PhD in the field.</p>
<p>dcmom, you just described my D exactly. She uses IM for legit study reasons just enough that I’m hesitant to restrict it’s use. The kids often work together on research projects IMing web site addresses, answer calulus questions. etc. I also would like to restrict her use of solitaire as a “break”. I don’t know of a solution but sure would like one. My D seems to have a bad case of senioritis in her junior year.</p>
<p>A modern day equivalent of “library study group.” Sometimes they are productive and sometimes not. :)</p>
<p>I monitored S’ Internet usage (using History) for several years. H and I had to have a little talk w him one time over inappropriate sites (disrespectful to women blah, blah…) and remove his privileges for a while. Seemed to have the desired effect. Future visits occurred to site(s) we considered today’s equivalent to Playboy hidden under the mattress- these we let go without comment.</p>
<p>Monitored IM only v lightly, by being a POS at random times and looking at the profiles of his buddy list. In the early years (pre-teen to ca. 16), I knew them all.</p>
<p>He’s 18 now and I’ve stopped with the History. Re IM, there are profiles I don’t recognize, but can no longer expect to as he now has friends from other area HSs etc.</p>
<p>I’m figuring that I’ve had my influence in this area and it’s appropriate to let go now. Anyone think I’m abdicating too soon (have been wondering myself, actually).</p>
<p>It is a huge problem around here and it is mildly comforting to see we are not alone. Specifically, my S is not “multitasking”!! He spends 90% of his time IM-ing, and then 10% or less on a Word document (his homework). The net result of an hour online will often be one sentence of homework!! And that one sentence is poorly written and makes no sense because he has paid zero attention to it!! I restricted (turned it off) his AOL IM but he just downloaded an IM program from the internet and uses that. I occasionally simply unplug the cable modem and disconnect all internet service.</p>
<p>i would never monitor someones IMs or internet history, that’s just not my style. my parents never did it to us, and i dont see the point of it. kids should know better than to divulge important information to strangers on the internet - theyve been told this since they were born. it’s just like kids know they should say no to drugs - theyve been told this since they were born. you either do it or you dont. monitoring everything a kid does on the internet is like monitoring the kid everytime they hang out with friends - who knows what they could be doing. i think you just have to trust their judgement. everyone makes mistakes, and we learn to live with that.</p>
<p>my sister is on AIM till 1 or 2 am every night (including school nights) and has her own computer in her bedroom. as long as she gets up for school in the morning and does all her work and whatnot it really isn’t a problem. i know she is IMing with internet friends that she’s never met - but i also know she doesnt give out phone numbers or addresses or anything. They just know her name and whatnot. i was the same way in high school, and i still am now.</p>
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<p>Wait!!! That’s the excuse I get!!! It’s a pet peeve of mine: IM during homework time. It seems to be on the same level as having loud music playing while you’re trying to study. However, a recent job I had relied HEAVILY on IM (up to 8 or more conversations going at once), so as I began to use it more, I understood how it winds its way into one’s life.</p>
<p>S is a senior now, over 18, so I’m not monitoring that any more. If I come up when he’s IM’ing, he doesn’t minimize the windows, but I also intentionally do not look to see what’s on the screen. But when he was younger, I used to forbid chat rooms of ANY kind, even going so far as to create a password-protected one on my website for his friends to use (and only his friends).</p>
<p>Here’s a little anecdote for any parents who might feel conflicted if they are prying by monitoring IM. Through looking at saved IM conversations, I found that one of my kids’ youth group leaders(7 years older than her) was pressuring her into an “underwear modeling session”. I doubt that it was all he had in mind. He also called the house to speak to her frequently and I could tell that she was trying to avoid him. So after I found the IM conversation, I confronted him and told him to stay away from her. If I hadn’t known about the background from the IM, I might not have been so sure of what to do and it could have been much worse.</p>
<p>I had some suspicions a few years ago and felt a strong need to snoop into some AIM logs on S’s computer. I did not feel the least bit guilty about doing so. Things were out of control at his boarding school- no supervision- and while he was home on a suspension I got into his computer records. I found some very frightening information about things going on at the school and with other kids. I alerted the school and a few parents. My son found out, and was furious. He truly hated me for a long time, but it needed to be done. A lot of the kids keep online journals. My opinion on that is if it is out on the internet for anyone to read, it is fair game for me.</p>
<p>if somethings on a journal then yeah i think its fairgame for everyone to read - including parents. It’s amazing what people put in those live journals. but if a kid has their own computer and they save a conversation on it then i dont think its fairgame for everyone to read - as it’s on the kids personal computer. everyone at my house has purchased their own computer (including my little sister, and she did it when she was 14). I know i’ve saved conversations before - because they have a phone number in them or something.</p>