We used to give a small quantity of stock in a well-known company as a gift. Could also get a savings bond. At least if they still sell EE bonds, it will cost half of the eventual value if there is a remote chance this kid could hang onto it.
I have a nephew who sounds a bit like this kiddo. Once, when someone asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said “a con artist”. Seriously. And he did a good job trying. He also stole the neighbors credit card, etc. But, he finally got his act together, got through school, and is married and employed. We went to the wedding. His own mother (my relative) did not. Sad. Truly sad. He has continued to make some questionable decisions, but he is alive and functioning. Many had their doubts.
This is not a free spirit. This sounds like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. And mom can’t cope or change it, so she laughs it off to avoid even worse if she confronts it.
You must go. Even going to a nephew’s graduation who is the valedictorian is super boring, so her going was a good deed.
What about an assortment of smaller cards: Dunkin, Starbucks, subway, gas, target, books, iTunes, etc?
I’m so glad you and your H are going. Hope this is only one of many happy times for this young nephew. The good thing about youth is that there are yet additional opportunities to improve and have a happy life.
My oldest nephew was much like the OP’s nephew, perhaps even more violent. He is my nephew through marital adoption, so not blood, but heart. He didn’t get himself together until he was in his 30s, a failed marriage, the whole bit. The whole family was always steadfast in supporting him, but it was tough, my sister was difficult, but she adored him and hated his mother. Nephew went to culinary school in his late 20s and found his passion. He is now something of a celebrity chef in his area of the south (and did I mention how handsome he is!), and is married to a wonderful woman with two kids. When he was little, my mother used to say that he was like Damian from The Omen and would keep him every summer to fuss over and spoil him. It was always hard, but we celebrated every happy milestone because there were so few. So glad I did because now if I go to his restaurant I always get a table and a special visit from the chef (and did I mention how handsome he is!). You just never know. It’s a local event, not requiring lots of travel and money. Go and then congratulate yourself for doing the good thing.
The answer to this seems simple. Show up. It is what families do for each other, whether it is to celebrate a success or show support in a tough time. Forget about your vals (which also rubbed me the wrong way, as it has many other posters). The kid did something good. Give him a gift card instead of cash.
To give an update - as part of his DUI/license suspension he has to go to attend a driving school program that reinforces the dangers of DUI - this class is like 8 weeks, 16 hours of mostly watching videos/interviews of victims and families. We found out that this class will cost him $200, so my older sister and I talked with my sister and we will pay for these classes as a graduation gift to him. We will also get him a small gift card to AutoZone.
More productive than giving him cash, but still showing him we love and support him and are proud he is graduating.
Sis got him an attorney who worked with the court and DMV and came to an agreement that if he completes these DUI classes before he graduates in June, they will let him re-apply for his license on July 1 - so he does not have to wait until he turns 21 next January.
And according to Sis, he decided on 4/20 last week that he is officially done with marijuana. I am not sure why, but for him, this is a very positive step and we are grateful.
Nephew’s graduation was, well, let’s just say I am glad I don’t have to do that again. As expected, my sister left and drove home after his name was read - claiming she had a headache… We hung out for another hour plus, and took a few pics of him and his friends. We brought him home afterward as he forgot to bring his change of clothes for the evening parties, and she was three sheets to the wind by that point.
DD did bring him another graduation present - he found a Christmas ornament with a graduation figurine, and DD was able to use nail polish and painted in “2017” on the miniature mortar board.
Give yourself a pat on the back for being so supportive! I hope for everyone’s sake that he is able to settle in and use the graduation as a positive turning point in his life.
Some people just need to know that someone believes in them and loves them. Please try very hard to continue to be those people for him so that he has a chance to grow beyond his upbringing and his past. I’m sad because this reminds me one of DH’s nephews. It is not ending well for him and I think he’s burned through all his chances way too young.
Yes, this young man sounds like a relative. He’s busy burning his bridges as well and isn’t even 30 years old. I am concerned about him but don’t know him well. His mom was alcoholic and died young.
It’s entirely possible that this will be the last time your nephew is ever recognized for doing something right. Sure, he could grow up and take responsibility for his actions and end up a productive member of society.
Or this could be his swan song… his one moment in the sun for doing something right. Not every kid who is “troubled” manages to graduate high school, but he will.
I would sing his praises from the rooftops. I would celebrate with my whole heart and soul. This diploma will make it possible for him to turn things around if he does grow up; without it, that turn around is much more difficult.
Nope, he’s not valedictorian or salutatorian. But for a kid like him, this is a HUGE accomplishment. Go to his graduation, and go gladly. Not for mom, not for your sister, but for your nephew on a major milestone in his life.
If things don’t go well in the future, give him the memory of this one day when he was the star for his accomplishment.
This was an update. @3puppies went to the graduation and behaved graciously IMO.
It sounds like the pups were there for nephew in ways the parent couldn’t be.
Hold your head up high @3puppies and know you did the right thing.
In another conversation I had today, I said that the young person I was talking about just needs to know that someone loves them unconditionally. It sounds like your actions conveyed that to your nephew