<p>D1 is getting married in June. We’re paying for almost all of the wedding (D1 and fiance are paying for rings and honeymoon and gifts for the wedding party). We plan on an open bar–certainly before dinner but during dinner I think we’ll just have champagne and wine (it’s a sit-down dinner). We have a tasting to select the menu at the end of April and will probably decide on alcohol then as well. I’ve not heard of the tradition that the groom’s family buys liquor. Is it a regional thing?</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of the groom’s family buying liquor either. They host the rehersal dinner, show up and shut up.</p>
<p>Of course, for those of you who are gloating that you have sons, don’t count those chickens yet. Now that our son has come out I don’t know what the protocal will be but something tells me the other grooms family is not going to agree to us just paying for the rehersal dinner. Darn it!</p>
<p>If you do want to have an open bar, at least try to negotiate with your venue to bring your own liquor and mixers-the markup is huge. And a good liquor store will work within your budget and let you return any unopened extras. (Liquor store owner speaking here.)</p>
<p>I can’t imagine charging guests for their drinks any more than I’d charge them for dessert. I’d rather cut back elsewhere (dress, decor, main course) and be a gracious host. And any alcohol-free wedding in these parts would end two minutes after dessert was served as everyone headed en masse for the nearest bar to party properly!</p>
<p>I think cash bars are tacky. You could supply enough wine or champagne for the toast, and have soft drinks available otherwise.</p>
<p>I’ve been to weddings in which no alcohol was served. In fact, the last 2 weddings I went to – both middle aged couples – no alcohol was served.</p>
<p>No cash bar. Not cool. Champagne, wine, beer and good bourbon. Vodka if you really want to, or premixed cosmos or something fru-fru like that. No need to have a huge selection. Can get really expensive- for sure.</p>
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<p>Was it to save money or were the couples non-drinkers?</p>
<p>I would have champagne, beer, and sparkling water/soft drinks during the cocktail hour and for the toast, then switch to wine that will complement the meal. If you’re going with a red wine, make sure that you have some extra champagne around for people who don’t like red.</p>
<p>One way to get more bang for your buck is to buy the champagne and wine yourself and let the country club charge you a corkage fee. Seems like most country clubs stock hideously expensive champagne and absolute swill but nothing in between. Wine.com shows 3 California sparkling wines (can’t call them champagne, as that’s a region), each for under $20/bottle and with a Wine Spectator rating of 90 or better - you probably couldn’t go wrong with any of them.</p>
<p>I guess that we’re just a few years away from this…</p>
<p>Is it still custom for the bride’s family to pay for everything? Seems kind of old country to me.
I’m going to try to talk my kids into “hippie” weddings, with the home made dress and everything!</p>
<p>I think the cash bar is tacky. </p>
<p>And I personally think that whatever the bride’s family wants to do is absolutely fine … from no liquor to full open bar or anything in between. Weddings bring together all sorts of people from all sorts of traditions and you can’t please all of the people all of the time!</p>
<p>A wedding just about guarantees that there <em>will</em> be a guest who thinks that it’s a really great excuse for a drinking party. And that guest will probably be someone important, like the groom’s grandfather, who will be really annoying if his vodka is denied. </p>
<p>So my opinion is … the bride’s family calls the shots on this one. But don’t be surprised if some of the elder rellies from the old country throw a hissie fit!</p>
<p>For those parents of boys who think they’re off the hook, except for the “small” rehearsal dinner: I’ve been to my nephews’ rehearsal dinners where just about everyone going to the wedding was invited. My sister (the nephews’ mom, or Mother-of-the-Groom, or MOG) was also expected to provide party favors for the rehearsal dinner. 'Twas definitely not a small affair. Several thousands of dollars.</p>
<p>I’ll add one more voice to the “no cash bar” chorus. I think that it is lovely to serve beer and wine. You don’t have to go overboard with a full open bar if you are concerned about costs. </p>
<p>If you are serving liquor, I would also recommend taking out an additional insurance policy for your event. You can buy insurance for about $100 to $150 from companies like WedSafe (I don’t work for them nor do I suggest that they are the only game in town), which will protect you should you or any of your guests slip and fall or drink too much or damage anything at the country club. It’s just something to consider in our society where people are very quick to litigate.</p>
<p>Your absolutely right, MommaJ. A favorite cousin and his bride decided not to serve alcohol at their southern wedding. As soon as the ‘welcome to the family,’ and congratulations speeches were done, I and a few others made a beeline to the hotel bar, which was thankfully empty at 5:00 in the afternoon.</p>
<p>The new (or more common) thing here-abouts is what someone mentioned earlier: the signature cocktail. That’s served during the cocktail hour, then the champagne toast. Add in wine and beer and it seems like a great variety without the huge expense. I actually really think the signature cocktail is pretty fun, so people do feel that they’re getting some real booze!</p>
<p>PLEASE, no cash bar. Unbelievably tacky. That’s like offering chicken for free and then charging your guests a surcharge to have a steak. If you don’t want to or can’t afford to serve mixed drinks throughout the meal, then simply don’t. Or offer soft drinks, wine and/or a signature cocktail (like z-mom mentions above). If someone has the gall to complain, then they have a problem, if they can’t enjoy a nice event without having to have an alcoholic beverage on hand.</p>
<p>Personally, I think beer’s a little tacky at a nice event, too. I think you’re totally fine with champagne, wine and/or the signature cocktail idea.</p>
<p>“And any alcohol-free wedding in these parts would end two minutes after dessert was served as everyone headed en masse for the nearest bar to party properly!”</p>
<p>Ugh. What is it when people don’t feel they can have a good time without alcohol? A sign of a drinking problem.</p>
<p>Former easterner, now midwesterner and have never heard of the groom’s family paying for the liquor. If it’s the bride’s parents hosting the party, then I don’t see why they’d offload anything to the groom’s family. The groom’s family can pay for the rehearsal dinner. It’s easier for each side of the family to “own” their own event and entertain in their own style, IMO.</p>
<p>I know it’s frowned upon but I’m not personally offended by a cash bar, especially at a modest wedding if finances are tight. That someone wants me to share in their special day is nice, if I have to spend a few dollars for a drink it’s no big deal.</p>
<p>(hoping my daughters want a backyard cookout with a keg and pitchers of “signature cocktails” someday)</p>
<p>We told our daughters that we would move heaven and earth to educate them, but that we will not pay for weddings. We will give whatever gift we can afford at the time of the weddings and that’s it.</p>
<p>P2N - Parents of two girls here too! My dear H still mutters under his breath on occassion(nearly 10 months after the wedding), “I can’t believe she’s married.”</p>
<p>We also paid for everything except the rehersal dinner. I have heard of families who split the costs and even those who split the cost 3 ways - bride’s family, groom’s family, and the couple.</p>
<p>I agree with the no cash bar. And second Marinmom’s suggestions (post 47). It is better to have no mixed drinks than to have a cash bar at a wedding. Best wishes to the bride!</p>