<p>*And that guest will probably be someone important, like the groom’s grandfather, who will be really annoying if his vodka is denied. *</p>
<p>And even more annoying if it isn’t.</p>
<p>My H and I paid for our own wedding ( we were living together in our early 20’s). We had champagne only.</p>
<p>We paid for our own wedding, too. It was an outdoor reception with a fajita buffet…we served tea, lemonaide and sangria. H’s brothers supplied beer since they couldn’t imagine a wedding reception without beer.</p>
<p>Become a Quaker; then you won’t have serve any alcohol.</p>
<p>This thread <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/637843-whats-going-weddings-today-6.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/637843-whats-going-weddings-today-6.html</a> has lots of useful suggestions, p2n. Its long, but a very informative read.</p>
<p>Mini, that won’t work. I will need the alcohol when the bill comes. ;)</p>
<p>I’m with Zoosermom and Emeraldkity - I love my daughter but I have no interest in seeing her turn into bridezilla. I have been to several high five and six figure weddings in recent years, and all I can say is - why? Way back in the day, my in-laws paid for the wine at our wedding, but (being self supporting adults at the time) we paid for everything else. (No hard liquor.) But I see “the look” in Mrs. Kluge’s eye every time I’m foolish enough to suggest to DD the fiscal wisdom of eloping, or beach weddings in sandals with only a few friends around to celebrate. (Doesn’t help that my wedding with wife #1 fit the latter scenario, I guess…)</p>
<p>“For those parents of boys who think they’re off the hook, except for the “small” rehearsal dinner: I’ve been to my nephews’ rehearsal dinners where just about everyone going to the wedding was invited. My sister (the nephews’ mom, or Mother-of-the-Groom, or MOG) was also expected to provide party favors for the rehearsal dinner. 'Twas definitely not a small affair. Several thousands of dollars.”</p>
<p>I think party favors are unnecessary, but IMO any out of towner should be invited to a rehearsal dinner. If there are a lot of out of towners – well, then, so be it – if you’re inviting people to another city for a wedding, I think it’s only right that you host a dinner the night before (a brunch the day after is also nice).</p>
<p>I can’t stand favors, but if the couple is paying, then whatever they want is fine.</p>
<p>I’ve been to several weddings recently-ish in which out-of-town guests were given a goody bag type of thing with expensive toiletries, snacks, and some other personal things which I thought was lovely and considerate.</p>
<p>With a cash bar, you are less likely to have people drink excessively and make fools of themselves or worse drive home drunk. It’s the bride and groom’s day, not the drunk’s day.</p>
<p>I am cutting/pasting part of a post I posted in that wedding thread I linked above. Parents of brides DO typically incur significant expenses.
I am thankful I have boys and hope that when the time comes we will contribute to the wedding costs, if they choose a traditional wedding. OP’s concern about the alcohol tab is understandable, so if the families want an open bar (which I agree is usually what is done) perhaps the groom’s family can help defray some other wedding cost to balance it out?? Is that a possibility, p2n? Obviously my centerpiece suggestion (in that other thread) won’t fly ;)</p>
<p>Isn’t is also a tradition that the groom’s family pay for the honeymoon?</p>
<p>I am hopeful my girls will choose destination weddings, the price may be similar, but at least it would be a small intimate group with wonderful travel memories</p>
<p>I thought this issue was laid to rest by kluge’s suggestion a few pages ago: beer and wine (and champagne), but leave the club’s bar open in the next room. I’ve been to events like that and never felt it was tacky. A cash bar as part of the event though – that would be tacky. If there’s an uncle who really needs to drink Scotch and will fuss about paying for it, bring a flask.</p>
<p>One other comment: Here in 2009, why does everyone assume that P2N’s daughter is marrying a man? (I’ll grant you that P2N eventually said some stuff that made it clear that was the arrangement, but it was indeterminate for a long time, and people were still writing about the “son-in-law” and the “groom”.) Anyway, that’s for another thread: who pays for what when the couple is same-sex? (Practical answer, I suspect: They pay for everything, because they’re generally older. But that has to be changing.)</p>
<p>JHS-
While your point is well taken, in p2n’s particular case, he’s talked about his d and her bf (then impending fiance’) before, so unless something has changed significantly, it seems we are talking about his D#1 and her gentleman significant other (p2n-- great opportunity for one of your very funny lines here!)</p>
<p>If the wedding reception is being held at a facility where a public (cash) bar is readily available elsewhere in the facility, kluge’s suggestion is brilliant. But if its being held at, say, a freestanding reception facility that hosts only private events, there may be no other bar service. Where’s the reception being held, p2n? (and what are we supposed to wear? And will you have a secret stash of good bourbon for your <em>special</em> guests hidden below the bar?)</p>
<p>jym: I drift in and out of the cafe, so I guess I missed the ongoing saga of heterosexuality. Anyway, I came late to the thread, and was reading along, and of course I, too, was assuming that the happy couple was conventionally arrayed. And all of a sudden, it occurred to me that P2N had not yet specified that his daughter was marrying a boy – in which case all kinds of etiquette issues start to fuzz up.</p>
<p>But P2N DID specify that the wedding was taking place at a country club, which is why the bar solution is so practical and satisfactory.</p>
<p>If my son were getting married (to a girl, or my daughter in an arrangement where everyone agreed she would be “the groom”, or my son . . . you get the picture), and the rehearsal dinner was not going to be a gigantic deal, and I didn’t think it would offend anyone, I might well offer to do something like buy the booze for the wedding. We didn’t realize it at the time, but the cost of our wedding really strained my father-in-law’s relationship with us, and although things have gotten steadily better over the past 20 years, they never really got back to where they were before we got married. My wife was the youngest of 4 daughters, but the only one to have a large, conventional wedding. (One had a very small wedding at home, and then some years and a divorce later a City Hall quickie practically on the way to the labor & delivery ward; one had a hippie-commune wedding complete with chickens and goats; and the third had a comical attempt to elope and wound up getting married only because her mother flew in and helped her navigate the bureaucratic licensing requirements of the poorly chosen romantic location. That third sister’s marriage lasted barely longer than the elopement, but did produce an important life lesson for my children: Your rehab program is a bad place to look for a life partner.)</p>
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<p>Anecdotal info from the two same-ex weddings I’ve attended. In one instance, the couple (two men) paid for the wedding themselves. They’d been together for 20 years (both were in their early 40s), but when MA made same-sex marriage legal they decided to get married and then opted to have a huge reception, which was held at a wonderful, local venue. Lots of food and drink and a great band–plus they hired a limo service to drive folks home (if needed). The other same-sex wedding (two women) involved younger folks (in their late 20s) and they paid for everything except the reception, which was paid for by their families (who split the cost 50-50). This wedding was much smaller than the other.</p>
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^^^ LOL, JHS.
Note to self-- encourage children to find spouses who share common HEALTHY interests.</p>
<p>I, too don’t always catch (or remember) all the details or read all the posts, so missed the country club location (post #20). I went back to the first post when I was replying and didn’t see it mentioned there. And you didn’t miss anything about the gender of the spouse in this thread-- other than saying he was the father of the bride, p2n didnt go into detail here-- it was in past threads. My memory generally stinks. Yours is just fine.</p>
<p>Not to take this thread off topic too far, but I have been to same sex unions/celebrations and I have friends whose sibs have held these. In my very, VERY small sample, the celebrants were older (ie not in their early or mid 20’s) professionals, and paid for their own event.</p>
<p>** ah-- cross posted with Bromfield, who described almost the very same scenario.</p>
<p>I always take Miss Manners to be the ultimate authority on these sorts of questions:</p>
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<p>^^^ I love Miss Manners. She’s the best.</p>
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No. That would be the groom.</p>
<p>I think a lot depends on the circumstances of the families. We were delighted to help with the costs of my son’s wedding. I don’t see why just because we didn’t have daughters that we should be completely off the hook. So we paid for the rehearsal dinner (45 people), the alcohol at the reception, the flowers for the wedding party, the tuxes for the groomsmen (all young men for whom this would have been a strain on the budget) and a good gift for the couple from what was left over from the budget.</p>
<p>The bride’s family gave them a chunk of money with which they could do what they wanted. Our contribution allowed them to splurge on other areas that were important to them.</p>
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<p>Wow! I’ve never been to even one same-ex wedding. I’m sure someone could get a great screenplay out of that! Does the ex get to be best man (or maid of honor)?</p>
<p>(Sometimes typos are too good to let pass. I make 'em, too.)</p>