<p>^^^ that was a great typo, JHS!!</p>
<p>I haven’t been gay lately, but I have been somewhat chipper. Does that count?
Jhs, I’ve been thinking…we may let you text in a toast to the (genetically authentic) bride and groom. :D</p>
<p>p2n, Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! You’ve already gotten good advice, and you probably already have your date, but it’s worth mentioning that you’ll spend less on liquor on a Sunday night than on a Saturday. Similarly, people will drink less at a luncheon than a dinner. You do control how long the open bar is left open - many close it after the cocktail hour and continue to serve only wine and/or champagne to the table during the reception.</p>
<p>Thank you, roshke! More good advice. :)</p>
<p>I am thinking of perhaps two hours of open (full, top shelf) bar at this point, after that going to a cash bar.</p>
<p>It would seem if someone orders a name brand of liquor, they’d expect to be served that brand. I suspect this would be enough time for those wanting a drink to get what they want.</p>
<p>Thoughts?</p>
<p>Two hours is plenty of time. How will you handle letting the guests know the time limit?</p>
<p>Is the cash bar before the dinner or is it afterwards? Are you going to have dancing and such after the dinner?</p>
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<p>We’ve been to several same sex weddings, all with older couples who have been together for many years. All of them paid for the weddings themselves, although at one, the moms had a day after luncheon for close friends and family. This summer we’ll be attending one where the couple are both in their 20s and the two families are splitting the costs, much as they do in all weddings these days.</p>
<p>parent2, congrats on the wedding! Our eldest D got married last summer and it was truly a wonderful time. Are you thinking 2 hours after the dinner is finished? As in, when dancing begins? If so, I think that’s more than reasonable if you’re trying to control costs. I would just end it there, though, rather than continue with a cash bar. The venue we used for our D’s wedding had an option where the drinks were all included in the per person price, allowing for a certain number of hours of open bar. You might want to check and see if that’s a possibility. When we calculated the different options, that one was certainly preferable. The problem with letting the guests know the time limit (from our experience at one wedding we went to) was that too many people then ‘load up’ on drinks before the time limit and that just becomes a recipe for problems, in many ways.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you and to Mrs. P2 and your family! Weddings of your children are a wonderful milestone and I get to do it all again next year with another one of my 5 Ds. :)</p>
<p>I like the beer and wine idea. Weddings are out of control these days!</p>
<p>How would you feel about going to a nice country club reception where no alcohol was served? Would it bother you or make you think less of the families involved? I’m just curious.</p>
<p>I would definitely not switch to a cash bar in the same location - I’d either keep it open all night or close it after the cocktail hour, or something in between. If there happens to be a cash bar in some other area of the club, that’s the perogative of the guest and you don’t have any control over that.</p>
<p>I realize that you’re already planning an evening wedding, but the last few weddings we went to were “morning weddings”…which kind of set a much more laid back feel to the weddings. And since it was morning/early afternoon…Only serving champagne, beer and wine, coffee and soda didn’t seem odd at all.</p>
<p>The last wedding I went to was a huge Italian affair at the end of the summer. I can honestly say, I have never in my life seen anything like it, lol. There was a 1 hour cocktail hour, followed by the appetizers, and full wine and cheese bar…enough food that the guests actually thought that was the meal…you think of a “station” and they had it. Then it was off to the actual dinner, which by that point was truly a waste…they had several bottles of wine and champange on each table…by this time, people were getting wasted…which I thought was a shame. We left after dessert, because this was going on and on…it was already about 6 hours long. We heard later that there was a “martini” station we never saw…and there were after dinner drinks served. To me there is a point where that much alcohol and so much emphasis on it, was just as tacky as a cash bar. </p>
<p>Anyway, I think wine, beer and champagne are more then appropriate in this day and age…I also think some of the traditions can be worked out between the families. There are some families where the groom’s side is much more affluent then the brides…To me, if they are willing to help, they should. Why put either family in a tight financial spot. Of course, I’m gonna be one of those parents who try to bride her kids to elope…and give them cash instead…I’m too practical (cheap) to see all that money for a one day party, when it could be used as a down payment on a house!! lol</p>
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<p>It is changing. Most of the same sex legal weddings of friends in the past few years have been just the happy couple at the courthouse because they had a committment ceremony of some kind years ago. Or they already have two kids. Or they just bought a house. That sort of thing.</p>
<p>My husband and I met in college and married shortly after he graduated. It’s exciting (yet frightening-we were young!) to think that my S could do the very same thing now should he go to college in MA and meet the love of his life. </p>
<p>Like we’ve done with college finances, we will sit down with S and his intended soon after the announcement is made and tell them what we can contribute. That figure will be non-negotiable. The rest will be up to them or up to the other groom’s family. Or they can go to the courthouse and use our contribution towards savings or a house or whatnot. So long as they invite us along to the courthouse, of course. I have one child and I’m going to be there when he gets married!</p>
<p>Asking guests to pay for liquor is a huge NO in my book. Families/brides and grooms should hold the reception they can afford. Serve just wine, just wine and beer… whatever you can afford.</p>
<p>If you and the happy couple are open to suggestion re reception, a very very good way to cut costs is to have a morning wedding with breakfast/brunch served. No expectation to serve a ton of liquor at that time. My bff’s daughter was married at sunrise on the beach. Reception immediately following. Champagne toast/mimosas… possibly Bloody Mary’s. You can keep the cost down that way, and expect no one other than those with a drinking problem to want too many of any of those.</p>
<p>ETA: ah, I see papengena has posted the same thought.</p>
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<p>It wouldn’t bother me at all nor would I think less of the families.</p>
<p>If i knew that the family were teetotalers, it wouldn’t bother me because it would be in keeping with their values. However, if they were drinkers and they did it for financial reasons, I’d be very annoyed and would think less of them. I agree with whoever said, Give the reception you can afford, which IMHO should include beer and wine.</p>
<p>No objections if there’s no alcohol. Not enough food, or not very much food, that’d be a different story.</p>
<p>The spouse and I were once at a relative’s wedding reception held separately from the ceremony. It was held at a nice private club, and there was an open bar. Another (close) relative proceeded to get sloshed. This is someone who is difficult in the best of circumstances; his behavior deteriorated. Luckily, we had given him and his wife a ride, so we could say that we had to go and remove him. Also luckily, he told us that he needed to have us pull over, so he could be violently ill outside of our car. :mad: </p>
<p>No surprisingly, we will never, ever host a reception with an open bar while this particular relative is alive. So if we went to a nice country club reception where no alcohol was served, it would make me think that for all that I know they’ve got a problematic relative as well.</p>
<p>“How would you feel about going to a nice country club reception where no alcohol was served? Would it bother you or make you think less of the families involved? I’m just curious.”</p>
<p>Wouldn’t bother me at all. I don’t think that liquor is necessary at all for a pleasant occasion. In fact, I’d be concerned about people who were bothered by the lack of liquor. I’d imagine that such people had an alcohol problem or were very young and immature.</p>
<p>I like kluge’s suggestion back on post #19. Beer and wine at the reception and a cash bar over there, perhaps another room. That must not be working out for some reason. Could the cash bar in the other room have a running tab in your name? A little inconvenient for those who want hard liquor, but available.</p>
<p>I tell my kids (and I do believe this)… If someone needs liquor to have a good time around some people. They must REALLY not like those people, right?</p>