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<p>I would modify my advice to say that if you and your guests are the only ones at the club and it is closed to others during your event then, IMO no cash bar regardless of its location. It will still be seen as being there for your event. However, if there are other country club members coming and going in another part of the club during the wedding and there is normally a cash bar set up for those people, then you’d have nothing to do with it.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, I’m with you. I don’t think alcohol is necessary to have a great time. I think that’s why I asked the question; I don’t drink and I have fun at social events. But is it considered rude by guests not to offer it at all (as long as it’s not a financial hardship)? </p>
<p>I have seen people become obnoxious when alcohol is flowing freely. It would be a shame to have this kind of behavior on someone’s special day. OTOH, I know there are people who can relax and enjoy an alcoholic beverage without getting out of control. Boy, I’m glad I don’t have to make these kinds of decisions for a while. :)</p>
<p>My apologies to the OP. I didn’t mean to hijack your thread. When I got married (a million years ago), my family didn’t have much money. They paid for the food at the reception and I paid for everything else. My husband-to-be’s family really wanted alcohol at the reception (a family expectation), so they paid for beer, wine, and a champagne toast. I think it would be rude to ask someone to pay for something that you have invited them to.<br>
Do the best you can within your budget.</p>
<p>The question on the table isn’t whether or not to have alcohol, it’s whether or not to have a cash bar. These people are your invited guests. You should entertain them in the manner you can afford. You cannot ask them to contribute to the cost of the entertainment.</p>
<p>Wow ! I had no idea that cash bar was considered so tacky by so many. In all of the weddings I have been to over the years, from very elaborate country club affairs to smaller , more intimate occasions, most have been cash bars. I have been to some that have open bars for an allotted time, but very few all out open bars.</p>
<p>"But is it considered rude by guests not to offer it at all (as long as it’s not a financial hardship)? "</p>
<p>Only boorish people and alcoholics would consider it rude not to offer alcohol. I’ve been to weddings with no alcohol, and haven’t heard anyone complain. This includes at least one wedding in which I know the bride and groom – both middle aged, professional adults – drink alcohol. People didn’t attend the wedding to drink alcohol, but to celebrate the bride and groom’s marriage.</p>
<p>Back to the question-- I’m with Roshke and jmmom-- not likin’ the cash bar thing, and definitely don’t switch from free to cash mid stream. It is tacky, and has several potential problems. What if there are a bunch of people in line to get a free drink when the bartender is supposed to switch to cash? That could cause some feather ruffling (I assume you’d instruct the bartender to keep pouring for free until, say, the guests are seated for the meal). I assume you won’t announce that the free booze stops at a certain time and after that they have to ante up-- that’ll cause a mad rush for the bar. And how do the bartenders keep track of the usage? by drink? By bottle? This can vary at different facilities, and its worth clarifying.</p>
<p>I like kluges idea- serve wine, beer, champagne toast, and thats it, or have an open bar til the guests are seated and then close up shop.</p>
<p>I think alcohol fuels most weddings, especially for the young guests. It would be very interesting to see a no booze evening wedding.</p>
<p>We have had holiday parties and limited the alcohol to beer and wine, so as to not run up a large bar bill.
Not sure how the open bar with a time limit was handles, but it didn’t create any disturbances that I am aware of. When my nephew and his bride got married, they opted for this because they had a strict budget and paid for much of the reception on their own.</p>
<p>Depends on local customs and your budget. Cash bar common around here. No need for people to get drunk because it’s free.</p>
<p>hmom5, I agree. I go to a wedding to celebrate, and for me that generally includes alcohol.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the input - again.</p>
<p>Groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and buy the couple their silver pattern. I’ve never heard of them being expected to pay for the bar.</p>
<p>Since the “political hat” has been set aside ( a funny expression, I haven’t heard “… Hat” used for years) I look at it this way: Unless the group is meeting at a bar open to the public,
You are hosting a party. Since you have no objection to alcohol, yes, you buy. You are hosting the party. This isn’t a get-together in your home where you might say byob. This is a big affair. Host it nicely and fully or don’t host it.</p>
<p>In our area, the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, photographer,band (optional) and the BAR. The Bride’s pay for the rest (flowers, limos, church, music, reception)</p>
<p>I think that it would be better to do champagne/wine/beer instead of a cash bar, or open than into a cash. You invited them to join in the celebration, as a host you should do what youwould if it was a party at your home. The only time I would think it is okay not to is if alcohol is against your personal beliefs.</p>
<p>In our area, tradition is to give cash/checks in the amount of what their attendance costs. Typically as a couple we give 200 and it is rare to see more than a few gifts on the gift table b/c of this accepted custom. I can only recall one wedding in the past 10 yrs that there were lots of actual gifts, this was b/c the bride and groom just graduated from college and their peers all bought gifts. (to show their youth, they asked for an XBox and a gaming chair, but no crystal/china/silver on their registry)</p>
<p>That being said, we also come from an area, that it is common to have an engagement party and at least one bridal shower(usually a couples shower and a traditional)…very little is left on the registry for the wedding!</p>
<p>Very few people bring gifts to the wedding anymore. Most will choose something from the registry and those gifts are delivered to the bride and groom prior to the wedding day. At my D’s wedding last summer, there were several gifts of $$ in cards, but very few actual boxed gifts that were brought. We were thankful because having to load those up to transport home at the end of the night, along with every thing else (as the bride and groom had left!) was a major undertaking.</p>
<p>I think every area is different.</p>
<p>For example, I would laugh every weekend in NC when I read the engagement/wedding announcements.</p>
<p>They had it pinted in the engagement announcement, time, date and place for the wedding and it would say if invitations would be sent out…in otherwords, if no invitations will be sent you are just expected to show up. I would always say to Bullet one time I want us to just go and crash it.</p>
<p>They also do a ton of bridal showers. It is not uncommon to read that they had a bridal shower hosted by the mother, another by the MIL to be, another from co-workers, and then read, they had a kitchen shower, a lingerie shower, a his and her shower, plus an engagement party. I always thought to myself, so what is left on the registry for the wedding?</p>
<p>However, in this area weddings are treated totally different than from where our family comes from (NJ/NY). Our family does it all out. Sit down dinner at a hotel or catering hall for weddings, open bar, dancing and then going to the hotel bar until they kick us out @1 in the a.m Next morning all guests that stayed in the hotel meets for a morning after breakfast hosted by the grooms parents.</p>
<p>In the South, it was common to attend a wedding and have a light fare for a couple of hours at the church…or buffet. It was much less formal, with a ton of people. In NJ you dress to the nines as a guest, men wer suits, and it is not uncommon to have a smaller wedding with a sit down at night and all of the bells and whistles compared to inviting everybody and their brother and just having finger food in the afternoon.</p>
<p>Neither is better or worse it is just different</p>
<p>It all comes down to the region.</p>
<p>My “kid” is also getting married this summer and the “kids” are struggling with the bar. No alcohol is not an option, but how to handle the “open bar” is the question. </p>
<p>The venue doesn’t let you bring in your own booze. Nor does it offer you a fixed time period. Instead, you are charged by a running tab of what people actually have. So, one way of doing it is to give the venue a fixed amount–say $1,500 ----and when the money runs out, the booze stops flowing and the bar is closed. Do people think this is tacky? The “kids” are paying for the bar themselves and understandably don’t want to be on the hook for an unlimited amount. One other thing they’re probably going to do is to ask the venue to remove the “top shelf”–single malt scotch, etc… It’s not that it won’t be good booze, it’s just that you won’t be able to order some drink that’s $50, which is normally quite possible at this venue. A lot of the guests will be from overseas, and the thought is that they might try some drinks just out of curiousity, with no thought of how expensive they could be. </p>
<p>Anyway, it sounds as if people think the “drink 'til the money runs out” approach is tacky, but drink until we have a bar bill of $10,000 seems insane too. </p>
<p>Reactions?</p>
<p>Bullet retired LY after 20 yrs in the AF, did a huge shindig (all of my family, including cousins drove 100’s of miles…we had 50 relatives and friends from OOS for a 3 day event)</p>
<p>Maybe the reception hall will do what we were able to do. We had places with a bartender that only served wine and beer (we were able to select the brands) Than we had a running tab, but no premium labels. In other words, you want a Vodka and Tonic, no problem, but Grey Goose was not an option, it didn’t seem to be a problem, because they got their drink, just not the label. The only labels that we had were pre-selected…Jack Daniels, Absolute, Tanqueray, and JW Red (these were their “till” liquors also known as house). The bartender told me one person asked for JW Blue and was told, if you want it then it costs $27 otherwise I can offer you Red…they took the Red! I did not feel like we were being a poor host.</p>
<p>In the end we had over 200 people (everybody on base was invited), we only added another $800 into our pre-determined tab. The irony is most of it was paying for more wine. I think more women are wine drinkers then hard liquor, thus we went through it faster. Also when we set it up this way, we pd, @15 a bottle, (4 glasses per bottle) compared to 7 a glass. Huge savings.</p>
<p>If this facility is use to $50 drinks, than it may be cost efficient to ask for a bar that is only wine and beer. In No. VA, it is not uncommon to have several bars set up…some only wine and beer and some hard alcohol. At my cousins wedding at the Ritz in Tysons they had exactly that. For another cousin married at the Willard in DC they did not allow it. I drank chardonnay for both, and Bullet drank Jack and coke at both.</p>
<p>jonri - The only thing I personally wouldn’t do is to close the bar in the middle of cocktail hour. One possibility is to do a shorter cocktail hour(you may run into more expense on the other end - ie music, though). My suggestion would be to ask the venue what the average cocktail hour runs expense-wise in their experience. No guarantees, of course, but you probably have a good sense as to whether or not your guests are big drinkers or not (mine were not - most of them would notice the absence of a cocktail hour buffet of food way before alcohol!) . Other good alternatives would be to do wine only or wine and some kind of “signature drink” (perhaps butlered) during that time. That, I think, would be better than closing up the open bar in the middle of cocktail hour. There’s no issue with closing the open bar anytime after the guests go into the reception, though. Many people will continue to offer only wine or a champagne toast to the tables after that. </p>
<p>BTW, contrary to popular belief, alcohol, while traditionally and certainly almost universally served , is not required (required in the sense that etiquette defines social convention - obviously there’s no “law” about any of this stuff! ) at weddings.</p>