<p>Son is graduating from a one year masters program at the end of summer and his girlfriend wants to come. They have been dating for slightly more than 2 years; he is 23 and she is 22. The school is 9 hours away from our house, and I was really looking forward to celebrating the weekend as a family and how much we have helped hi accomplish. The girlfriend is nice enough, I just feel like they’re too serious for how young they are and I almost feel like she is stealing him from us…I know that sounds selfish, but it’s hard to put out of my mind.</p>
<p>Well, if she is planning to attend anyway, it would be gracious of you to include her with you. 23 and 22 isn’t that young for a relationship, and it would probably mean a lot to your son - and perhaps his future wife - if you included her.</p>
<p>This is a decision for your son and his girlfriend. If they agree she should attend, it would be incredibly rude and a slap in the face to your son for you to refuse to take her. It sounds like marriage is in the cards for this couple–it’s time for you to get to know her better and a long car trip will be just the thing. As for her “stealing” him, I can’t even comment…I was married at 22.</p>
<p>Uh, yes you should take her. They’re really not THAT young especially if he’s done with his master’s.</p>
<p>It’s up to him. If he wants her there, she should be there. That’s his call as it’s his graduation.</p>
<p>He’s 23! You need to learn to share him with the world. If He wants her there then that’s that! Letting go of your kids is tough but you should have been adapted to the concept well before he reached the age of 23.</p>
<p>why do people always hate their mother in laws?
oh, I think I just learned why!</p>
<p>The people-who-would-become-my-in-laws-but-did-not-know-it-yet were generous enough to include me as part of the family at my now-husband’s college graduation. We announced our engagement that Christmas and were married the following summer. But we already knew that is where things were headed.</p>
<p>If your son thinks this young lady is going to be part of his life for the foreseeable future, your relationship with him may be better if you embrace her as part of the family. Have you asked him?</p>
<p>My parents included my boyfriend when I graduated from grad school - I married him a couple of years later and we are still married now. Please don’t look at it as the girlfriend stealing your son, but rather as you are welcoming a new (potential) member of the family.</p>
<p>And really it’s not all about you, the graduation is not celebrating what you helped him accomplish. Really.</p>
<p>We know how you feel, we know the gf wants to attend, what does your son want? I totally get how you would like for this to be a family event shared without a gf who may or may not be in the picture in a couple of months. If they were engaged or living together that would be a different story. I think it’s fair to talk to your son and tell him how you feel but explain if it is important to HIM that she be there you understand. I’m sure this will be unpopular…oh no! what if that’s your future DIL?! It’s your son’s choice, but it’s fair to tell him how you feel (minus the stealing part…I get it, but it won’t translate well).</p>
<p>My nephew’s graduation was just monopolized by a gf of a couple of years…parents and grandparents flew in and had little time that didn’t have her hanging all over him and in 90% of the pictures. Less then a month later they broke up. It would have been very nice for that to have been a ‘family event’…</p>
<p>* The girlfriend is nice enough, I just feel like they’re too serious for how young they are and I almost feel like she is stealing him from us…I know that sounds selfish, but it’s hard to put out of my mind.*</p>
<p>Wow, just wow.</p>
<p>1) They’re not too young.</p>
<p>2) It’s your son’s decision as how/WHO he celebrates HIS graduation with.</p>
<p>3) She’s not stealing anything…you don’t own your adult son. You’re not the only important people in his life.</p>
<p>4) Your words don’t just sound selfish, they are selfish. </p>
<p>5) You need an attitude ajustment otherwise at some time in the future, your son might choose to cut you out of his life because you’re an unreasonable person.</p>
<p>Gah assuming you’re real and not a ■■■■■, just be thankful you have a son who is close enough to you to invite you and healthy and successful enough to be a graduate. Anything beyond that is just extras and not really worth worrying about.</p>
<p>Life is too damn short to get wound up over this.</p>
<p>In your mind how old does your son have to be to have a serious relationship? He is graduating with an advanced degree for goodness sake. He’s plenty old enough for a serious girlfriend.</p>
<p>I would think long and hard before I excluded her. For starters, she is important to your son. </p>
<p>Secondly, she might be your DIL some day. Why would you want to cultivate a relationship of conflict with her?</p>
<p>Thirdly, your son does not belong to you. He is not a possession. Trying to keep him for yourself does not only sound selfish, it is selfish.</p>
<p>
It would have been nice to have been a family event, but perhaps the family should consider what might have happened if the girlfriend had not been at graduation. It was an opportunity to see how she fit in with the rest of his family - perhaps the reason they broke up was because of her behavior at his graduation, and her need to be in 90% of the pictures. Perhaps if she had not attended graduation, he would not have known how she would react around family, and the relationship would have continued - until he only discovered this about her at the wedding reception (or later). </p>
<p>If he wants her there, the girlfriend should attend graduation. She doesn’t have to travel with the family, but if it is a 9 hour trip, it may make sense. As others have said, it will give you an opportunity to get to know her (and to do so without his presence). You might grow to love her (maybe even more than he does). </p>
<p>Whatever your impression, don’t bring it up with him. Any decision he makes regarding their relationship must be his. Clearly you are having a hard time letting go - you come across as what some call a helicopter parent. He is your son, but not your property, he is a grown man, and must make his own decisions. I suspect any comments in either directions could come across as manipulative, and could backfire and come across as judging him.</p>
<p>Instead, if he want her there, invite her to attend with you. Talk with him ahead of time so he understands your expectations, and you understand his. If he wants some time alone with his girlfriend, you should respect that, but it’s also fair to tell him you expect some time too.</p>
<p>Zobroward, I wish there were a like button!</p>
<p>Blueiguana, if my parents told me what you are suggesting, I would definitely think twice about inviting them to things in the future.</p>
<p>OP, if I were your son and knew this was your attitude towards my significant other of TWO YEARS (someone who he may very well consider his family, if they are thinking about marriage) and my relationship, I would want my significant other there a lot more than you. If you want a relationship with him at all, don’t make him choose (and yes, excluding someone who is so important in his life is making him choose), because he will probably choose her, and, in my opinion, would be right to do so.</p>
<p>YES, take her and be extremely gracious. To her AND your son. Enjoy the day! The more, the merrier. And no snide comments about “family time”… Please don’t spoil a great celebration! You may be pleasantly surprised!
If you don’t respect your son’s wishes now on a relatively (pun intended) simple matter, don’t expect respect later when it matters more.</p>
<p>OP - I understand your point, I really do. But please consider what future family relationships might be if you … even innocently … suggest to your son that YOU come before HER.</p>
<p>They have been dating for 2 years and you don’t consider her part of the family yet? Yes, take her, be kind to her. They are not young, most people I know were getting engaged at that age–and don’t be shocked that now that your son is done with school that they DO become engaged soon.</p>
<p>OP, you’re getting great advice here!</p>
<p>My future DH and I were engaged when I was still 22 - we had known each other for only three months when he asked me to marry him (I said yes, but I wanted to wait a year to be safe!). Not long after that we drove from Texas to Wisconsin to meet his parents. I’ll never forget his mother’s outstretched arms as she welcomed me into her home. Looking back on it, I’m even more impressed - what was she really thinking - “Gee, they’ve known each other only a few months and they think they know each other well enough to get married??” That set the tone for our relationship to this day - positive and loving. DH and I have been married over 26 years now.</p>
<p>gbg… been there, done that at my S1 graduation… eventually they did get married, i couldnt ask for a better DIL… but at that point in time, felt the twinges you are feeling…you have to let them go…she is part of his life, you are part of his life…he needs to be able to share these important events with those that are important to him… Have the feelings if you want…but keep them to yourself 
and it will be fine… he loves you and you love him and that is all that matters…her being there does not take away anything from that or anything from how proud you are of him</p>
<p>D1 has been going with her BF for 2+ years. When D2 was graduating this June, we invited both D1 and her BF to come. Since we lived overseas, we offered to pay for both of their flights. We felt it was up to D1 to decide if she wanted her BF there. Not sure if they will end up getting married some day, but we know he is a big part of her life right now, and that’s all we need to know.</p>
<p>In my opinion, it would be unreasonable to exclude a GF who has been in your son’s life for 2 years, on such an important event.</p>