<p>My ideas and expectations about Chrstmas went out the door 10 yrs ago when my mom died. After that we did so many untraditional things like doing chinese takeout on Christmas day with my sister and my nephew to going away. It was too painful to try to carryon the traditions that were held so tightly when my parents were around. Now, i love the idea of doing whatever we like to do. Staying our PJ’s, have a leisurely breakfast, open presents, go to the movies, etc. and have a lovely home cooked special dinner. No stress, no drama and low key. My D spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with us while her SO went to his family 3 hrs away.We did get to spend time with the both of them the weekend before Christmas(Pizza and Wine) and they are both coming up tomorrow and we will have dinner together. It is very freeing to accept what is and make new traditions. While they have been together for about a year, and living together for about 7 months, he is more than welcome to spend holidays with us. If she does end up marrying this young man, i like the idea tha Christmas can be celebrated on any dAy around the 25th. This way they can be with his family and ours.</p>
<p>Cromette, my MIL didn’t want ANY pictures taken of me on the Christmas before we were married…NONE. I personally thought she was being rude and also micromanaging her own adult kids who wanted to (and did) take pictures. </p>
<p>Believe me…everytime someone got a camera out, she said “wait…thumper needs to move so she is not in the picture”.</p>
<p>ordinarylives, I can understand that you are happy that you are glad there are no photos of your daughter with her abuser. That said, I don’t think every photo has to have the current significant other, but I can’t imagine excluding them from every photo. My husband and I were a couple for seven years before we got married, that’s a lot of photos to exclude use from.</p>
<p>I cannot IMAGINE excluding my D’s beau from ALL pictures at any event in our house. I hope no one thought that I meant that would be okay. That’s just plain rude. I’m so sorry that happened to you Thumper. </p>
<p>I consider her BF a pretty important person and an honored guest. We do a family portait type picture, which I wouldn’t want him in - but in all the candid shots of the day? And special pictures of the two of them? OF COURSE I want his picture!!!</p>
<p>It would be unusual in our family for a relationship to carry on for seven years without a marriage - but if it did, I would just probably decide after a couple of years that this was a bit more “official” than just a BF, and I’d probably start including him…I dunno.</p>
<p>I can also tell you that if MY MOM had behaved that way towards MY SO, I would have had a little talk with her privately. No one should be treated that way. That’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>There is a big group family portrait in my H’s family where an uncle’s head was pasted into the scene, back row. He wasn’t speaking with the family for a few years so didn’t attend events. the family spliced him back in to the pictures. That’ll show him!</p>
<p>LOL - Too funny!</p>
<p>We include everybody in the family photos we take at Christmas. I guess that has it’s ups and downs. This year two girls came to Christmas single who were not single the year before, so last year’s picture has two ex-boyfriends in it. But, they’d been with those people a long time (one was engaged and the other had been together 3 years and didn’t believe in marriage), the fact that they broke up doesn’t really erase them even if we wish it would, and it’s okay with everybody that they’re in the pictures. They were there, after all. It might be different if we were blowing up and framing these pics to display on a daily basis but we don’t do that. Not saying I disagree with excluding them… I can certainly see why some people would want to do that, although I’d hope they’re not excluding them from all pictures.</p>
<p>BF was included in last year’s photo, and I can understand why some families would not have included him because we’d only been together three months by then. But, I am glad he was, I love that picture of our first Christmas together with my family. We were so madly in love, it was his first experience with meeting my family and everyone was so happy for us, it was just such a special day. We could have just taken separate pictures or something, and that would have been fine if it were going to offend somebody to include him, but just saying… I love that picture. Even if it does have my sister’s abusive psycho ex and my cousin’s cheating ex in them. When we look at the picture, nobody is looking at them. There are 30 people at least in the picture.</p>
<p>There have been many private talks between my MIL and husband about various issues.</p>
<p>I have many photos with my ex in there. As would be expected since we were together for 5 years. I have no issue with them- that was who I was at the time and who I loved. </p>
<p>I’m off to my SO’s family Christmas now. Many insist on me being in the photos. I always stand away and wait for someone to ask me to be in. I’m not insulted if they don’t ask. His family is so huge though that I don’t think a lot of people realize that I’m not ACTUALLY related to them. Seriously, I’ve had people swear I was X or Y’s daughter or granddaughter.</p>
<p>Have fun, romani! I hope it’s as beautiful a day in MI as it is here in Toronto today.</p>
<p>Thumper, I’m sorry about how your MIL treated you. I don’t understand how people can do that. You will likely never repeat those actions as a MIL, and your SIL or DIL will benefit.</p>