<p>My son’s first year was marred only by his roommate, he was very sloppy, left food that smelled around for days, was inconsiderate, wanted him to leave because of a girlfriend quite often (which he didn’t) and was overall not what was said in the questionaire. (His Dad later said he probably fudged a bit on the neatness) Mostly though, it was the inconsideration. In “real life” he would never room with another without knowing him well, and most young adults have their own room in apartments.
I admired his maturity, the little that he openly complained to us, knowing there wasn’t much he could do, but it didn’t make him grow in any area, it just made him careful about roommates later and the rest of the 3 years was fine with a single senior year being the best.
Learning to compromise is a good thing, but only if BOTH do it, not just one.</p>
<p>Denbrus: I think if my roommate would have never been willing to leave me alone with my girlfriend for a couple hours, I think I would have been an unpleasant and stressed out roommate, too. </p>
<p>(Of course, that doesn’t mean that a person should expect a roommate to spend the whole night somewhere else on a regular basis. It probably is a good idea to have a sleeping bag for occasionally crashing on a friend’s floor).</p>
<p>That’s what I meant, it wasn’t occasional it was a lot and my son didn’t know anyone at the time to spend a night in their dorm. (first semester) He was just inconsiderate in so many ways.
I wasn’t a problem for his girlfriend, he just wanted it his way all the time.</p>
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Obviously, you’ve never been married.</p>
<p>Yes - but not in an arranged marriage with a complete stranger! 
(And frankly - I like my space and privacy in a marital situation as well).</p>
<p>I didn’t realize my wife was a complete stranger until after we were married. I’m joking, kind of.</p>
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<p>No, but I’ve lived with my fiance and it was a COMPLETELY different game. He cares about me and though he is not always the most considerate person in the world, he cares enough that he would not consciously do something disruptive in our shared space on a regular basis and expect me to just suck it up and take it because there’s nothing I can do to stop him. If that’s what your marriage is like, I think you need more than college dorm experience to get you through that. My roommate didn’t give two ****s about me, didn’t have to worry about the relationship failing as a consequence of her behavior, and knew she didn’t have the next 60 years to put up with me-- and she acted accordingly and was a complete beast the whole year because she knew there were no consequences. That’s not what a healthy romantic relationship is like, and if mine were we would be in counseling and living apart until it was better-- not an option for my wench of a roommate and I. Not to mention that roommates share a little 10x12 space, something most hopefully will not have to do with their spouses. I don’t think the two situations are that comparable. Again, if you lack the basic ability to compromise and be considerate, you don’t belong in a college dorm either. Those skills need to be attained before that point.</p>
<p>Well, our first apartment wasn’t as small as a dorm room double, but it was pretty small. As I said, I was joking (mostly), but I do think that having a roommate helps you learn how to deal with sharing space with other people–something many of today’s high schoolers haven’t had to do. You may well have to share workspaces with others (I shared a very small office in one of my first jobs, for example).</p>
<p>But I certainly agree that you don’t learn much from a truly bad roommate.</p>
<p>I have one child living in a “quad” next school year and another in a theme house (real house owned by university). A “quad” being a very large room for 4 individuals.</p>
<p>Sharing a space with the boyfriend is certainly not easy and there are some skills involved there that we have had to learn together, but at least in my experience it was just completely different from living with a random roommate, one did not prepare me for the other at all. At least in a (healthy) relationship, both parties are invested in finding a way to make it work and care about trying not to hurt each other! Not necessarily so in a dorm situation. Even if the two roommates don’t openly dislike each other, the lack of consideration people show for each other in the dorms still shocks me to this day. The kind of things I put up with here would never happen in my own home with my fiance. Kids in the dorms have this attitude that they are paying for the dorm so they can do whatever they want in it regardless of how it effects the others that are also paying to be there. There is a disconnect where the “hey, im being horribly rude right now!” thought process should be. And the kids who aren’t going to be like that on a regular basis are the ones that have already learned the appropriate cohabitation skills.</p>
<p>And I certainly hope my future husband will not be sexiling me any time soon. :P</p>
<p>Single, for sure.</p>
<p>Definitely a single, especially as others have pointed out if your kid needs me-time, is an athlete, or is very accustomed to not sharing a bedroom. If they feel very lonely, they can always find somebody to swap with. My daughter’s freshman roommate turned out to be quite the “mean girl”, and it was very tense in that room. D spent all her time at practice, in the library, or in other kids’ rooms (even sleeping elsewhere some nights). She finally moved to an available single just recently and it’s been heavenly for her. We would have gladly paid the difference from the get-go. She had to experience it for herself. It’s just hard to know if you’re going to win that Great Roommate Lottery.</p>
<p>I would consider the double if the school “matches” roommates. I’ve had good roommates, and I’ve had absolutely horrible ones. Learning how to live with someone else was a valuable experience. In the cases of the bad roommates I learned to stand up for myself. And with good roommates… there is nothing quite like random late night talks… or having someone there to call home for me when I was sick… or dragging the covers off of me so that I would get to my 8:30 class on time.</p>
<p>Wow It’s interesting reading this thread. I did my undergrad in the UK where most students would never entertain the idea of sharing a bedroom with anyone. Our halls (I guess dorms in the US) were very sociable we’d constantly be in and out of each others rooms. My neighbors probably filled the same role as roommates in the states; we went about together in the beginning before we’d found our own niches, and continued to be friendly after we’d each found our own group of friends.</p>
<p>I think learning to live with other people came later when we moved out into house/flat shares. We each had our own bedrooms and privacy but still had to deal with issues like noise/cleaning/cooking/sharing the common space etc. Of course by the time this happened you could choose to live with people you knew. There were still inevitable conflicts but these are much easier to deal with when everyone involved is willing to act reasonably and compromise.</p>