Sinner's Alley Happy Hour (Part 1)

Parent Cafe
5721

<p>I meant to refer to the glide aspect of one lengthy *phase of life<a href=“not%20implying%20there%20can’t%20be%20big%20troubles%20within%20that%20phase”>/i</a>.</p>

<p>My H is dazed and confused but he’s hanging in so far.</p>

<p>The funny thing is that the Abyss part is only half of it… There is also this incredible richness of discovery too, finding old selves, like long-lost friends who’ve been cooling their heels in some hidden corner of your psyche. That’s pretty cool.</p>

<p>I am really having the mother of all midlife crises-- but I feel it’s going to spit me out a new & improved person. That’s the plan.</p>

5722

<p>There is so much wisdom in these last few posts–I feel like I just read a self-help book, condensed version.</p>

<p>Some of what we are feeling is just winter blues, probably. The body’s way of trying to hibernate. Lying fallow! Don’t worry, spring is around the corner (at least in some parts of the country.)</p>

<p>YMMV–on the north side of 50, I am starting to feel high-mileage. ;)</p>

<p>My F at 84 has suddenly lost the capacity for daily golf. Cascading health problems have really slowed his gait and balance. For someone who was always strong and self-sufficient, it’s a blow. I just hope I have enough of his genetic makeup to be as active in my 70s and beyond.</p>

5723

<p>Shy side of 50, about to send youngest S off next year. Looking forward to new challenges. Lost both parents at an early age (for them). F died in a fire (passed out drinking and his cigar lit the car on fire) at 65. M passed away from lung cancer a few years ago. They went through a nasty divorce when my kids were very young. Younger Sister is an alcoholic. Spent some time in rehab after my M’s death and is now on her own in Texas. Hoping she can put her life back together again.</p>

<p>Many dips along the way between 25 and 46. Am sure that many more are coming. MIL was just diagnosed with a “growth” on her bladder. Is coming home next week for surgery and a biopsy. Is on a trip this week with SIL and BIL. May be the calm before the storm. M had to cancel a long anticipated trip to NOL to start radiation and chemo. Never got to get away again.</p>

<p>Planning on working harder next year, exercising more, traveling as much as our finances allow. We’ll see. Thanks all for your words of wisdom.</p>

5724

<p>I know I saw the dog-eared copy of last year’s People Magazine Academy Awards edition lying around this joint somewhere, but do they let books in here? EEK – a book! But while no one’s looking, those of us struggling with mid-life issues might gain some good perspective from Philip Simmons’s Learning To Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life. It’s short (the best kind of book for bar lovers!) but powerful.</p>

5725

<p>I say, Philosophy, Shmilosophy! Is it Happy Hour yet?</p>

5726

<p>In SA, just like in the Abyss, it is ALWAYS happy hour. </p>

<p>:)</p>

5727

<p>Hmm. Is the Abyss the name of the freeway exit we take off I-5 to get to the Alley? I think yes. On our way to Marmot Sanctuary? Marmot Headlands? As a stopover to…Burning Man!</p>

<p>Anyone who hasn’t yet, go read the thread on second semester blues. Then come back here and raise a toast to the capabilities of humans to rescue or be rescued from the Abyss and their capabilities to gather afterwards at the Alley.</p>

5728

<p>Yes, Alu. I was just thinking how the SS Blues thread and this part of SA were getting to sound a lot alike. Good to know it’s just a cycle.</p>

<p>I do have to say, the Second Semester Blues thread is one of the very most valuable ever on the Parent Forum. IMHO. And your innate wisdom was very welcome there.</p>

<p>Salud.</p>

5729

<p>Yeah, I’ll take a shot of anything strong that you want to slide over to my quiet corner of the bar. I’ll toast the other parents going through second-semester purgatory and then I’ll drink that puppy down. Maybe we could rewrite Dante’s inferno with stages of parenthood as the circles of he11, the latter stages being significantly hotter than the earlier ones, though this might not seem intuitive to new moms and dads who, in their sleep-deprived and confused state, might think parenthood gets --BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! – easier as time goes on!</p>

<p>(oh, wait that would be me who is ONCE AGAIN sleep-deprived and confused). <sigh> Is it hot in here or is it just me?</sigh></p>

5730

<p>Jmmom,</p>

<p>How is the Wii working out?</p>

<p>I can say with honesty that I am still mid fourties and since 40 W and I have dealt with cancer, job loss through downsizing, traumatic sudden death of a parent (on the interstate), offspring’s depression, offspring’s OCD traced to a biological virus…</p>

<p>but on the plus side we have a great house that’s mostly paid off, intelligent questioning kids with our wiseass sense of humor, decent health and a twenty year marriage that keeps morphing, mostly in good ways. My current job keeps me home enough to spend quality time with the S, but takes me away once in a while to give the W some slack. An RV that been caost to coast. 2 dogs that adore us, and vice versa.</p>

<p>D is enjoying semester 2 even more than semester 1 and just informed us that she had a second piece selected for the Best of Show in September. We are thrilled to see her so happy and comfortable away from us.</p>

<p>So what if my waist size is a couple of inches more than it used to be? I am still mobile and active, although probably not as active as I should be. On balance, it’s all good and if I had it to do again, I would not change much.</p>

<p>Peace out…</p>

<p>MSD</p>

5731

<p>Hola, m&s. I doubt you will be surprised to hear that I am not in custody of the Wii :p. </p>

<p>But we loved the time we had it over the holidays. I hope to rev up my boWiling arm come spring.</p>

<p>We are waxing very philosophical here in SA these days… spillover from the Second Semester Blues thread/the if you had it to do over thread?</p>

<p>A toast to MOWC and m&sdad now that they’ve both wandered in. Good thing there is infinite seating here in the Alley. I think more folks need to find us.</p>

5732

<p>momof2inca,</p>

<p>Lots of XXs and OOs to you and your son. You have come to the right place. </p>

<p>Furthermore, due to the overwhelmingly female midlife demographic here, we like to keep the back booth at a toasty 52 degrees. We can lend Marmot jackets or lap robes to any guys and kids who join us there. </p>

<p>So slide on into the back booth and let’s just kill the bottle.</p>

<p>:)</p>

5733

<p>Do we have spare fleecies for the likes of m&s? </p>

<p>To the intrepid divers! May you rise from the depths to higher levels and report back with sights seen and mysteries solved.</p>

<p><em>Whacks a double on the bar</em></p>

5734

<p>I couldn’t agree more about the SSblues thread – but after wringing out my tissues and drying off the keyboard – I needed a stiff drink! Say what you will about wise parents guiding their children through difficult waters, but those same wise parents know right where to go to wash their troubles down. I’ll have a double – hold the water.</p>

5735

<p>what wisdom we gain with age.</p>

<p>when i was a young mom with two young boys, i recall thinking that my worries were overwhelming. a kind older woman passed on this comment…small children, small worries.</p>

<p>i recall thinking that she just couldn’t remember what it was like to have two little ones and the worry that came with making all these important decisions.</p>

<p>now, we have to guide our kids through career choices, relationship issues, second semester blues, while at the same time appearing as if we are not offering any guidance at all.</p>

<p>small kids, small problems.</p>

<p>how true…pass the kleenex and pour me a double, too!</p>

5736

<p>momof2inca - welcome chiquitita! Here in the Alley, the faith is that as long as you still have the capability for banter, for offhand remarks that could have come from the script of a 1940’s Humphrey Bogart or Vivian Leigh movie, well then everything is probably going to be OK. And the cyber-bar never runs out of what you are having.</p>

<p>We were thinking of getting a Wii to replace the pinball machine that features the mouth of hell. But, you’re right, we should keep it and label the various holes after the many wondrous phases of child-rearing.</p>

5737

<p>Though she has been very happy emotionally at school, my kid has had three decent-sized problems: one academic, one booze-related; one health-related. All three times I got a phone call right away.</p>

<p>Here’s the upside of bigger kids/bigger problems: bigger relationship, bigger connection, more trust, bigger joy. </p>

<p>When your independent, quasi-adult, darn-near-fully-functional kid comes to you as a friend, a helper, an anchor-- know that you have a very, very good relationship with them. They don’t have to come to you. There are all sorts of health/academic services available at school and all kinds of friends and peers to turn to. If they screw up, they can cover their tracks. You might never know.</p>

<p>Believe me, lots of kids DO NOT reveal their problems to their parents; I know because I was one who did not. I did not have a close relationship with my parents. I toughed things out on my own or with the support of friends.</p>

<p>When my D calls me with a bobble, a crisis, an issue, I am mostly overwhelmed with happiness that SHE TRUSTS ME. She shares it with me. She is unafraid to reveal her embarrassments and failures; she knows I will love her through anything. She seeks my advice and really listens to it. My main concern is to offer her good advice but also to offer her my trust and conviction that she will handle the situation well.</p>

<p>I know she loves and trusts me, and she knows I love and trust her-- even through the BIG stuff. If it takes a few solveable problems to drive this point home that’s okay with me.</p>

5738

<p>When I was in my 30’s raising two small children and running a busy architecture practice, I remember thinking: “I thought I was busy in architecture school? Hah!” :eek:</p>

<p>That small children part of life is so stressful becuase you literally have to be in ten places within the same hour. frankly, I have no idea how I did it. Oh wait. Yes I do. Complete, total egalitarian husband.</p>

<p>SB, I luv ya cyberlly, but you wait until you get that darling boy launched. If you can count his bobbles on one hand I will send you a Mama Gold Star. I phoned my mother the other day and said, “I have some news about S1”. </p>

<p>Long pause.</p>

<p>We laughed as I struck off all the bobble possiblities that he’s already been through. It was good news.</p>

5739

<p>$hit! Good point! There I go again, using the easy kid as a benchmark.</p>

5740

<p>Hey, Happy Mardi Gras week, everybody! I wrote a good post about turning 50, but the cyber gods decided that it was not worthy of Sinner’s Alley that day. It went <em>poof</em> after an hour and turned into a website about something obscure and unrelated to the other websites I had mined that morning (Dictionary.com, brands of women’s walking shoes, conquistadors, the Tongass Alaska Girl Scout Council website, Girl Scout nicknames, Bored.com, what-if games, and a website about Imelda Marcos…among others). </p>

<p>So, I had a few windows open, and I guess it was too much for the prune chomping, moldy-old, Geritol-swigging CC quick reply window. I usually save on a regular basis whenever I’m writing a post, but I was living on the edge Wednesday morning, taunting pixels with reckless abandon, daring the metaverse gods to shut me down. So, they did!!! Oh, yeah?..Well, the CC browser wears flesh-colored support hose, the kind my great-gramma used to wear to hold back the massive amounts of hair on her man-calves!</p>

<p>As for aging, it’s all related to barfing. When you’re a kid, yorking in class puts you on the mental maps of your classmates forever. It takes years to live down a post-lunch episode. Teenagers are compelled to <em>share their inner feelings</em> in bushes, under bleachers, behind buildings, and in parking lots. Twenty-somethings are merely moving targets for small children armed with self-propelled howitzer upchuckers. And, every thirty-something owns a car that’s been subjected to the chunky cargo of a junior high camping trip. </p>

<p>Forty-year olds are veterans of the Erpp Wars. Throwing it into reverse every now and then isn’t so bad because forty-somethings know that ralph means relief, plus a few hours of “me” time. By fifty, the hurling years are over, mainly because germs and small children fear us, and everyone else is engaged in his/her own horking activities. I’m happy to be past the ewww! years. ;)</p>