I’ve worn a very distinctive gold band on my left ring finger for almost 20 years – my husband gave it to me as a replacement for my original diamond band because I wanted something chunkier and without diamonds. A few days before Christmas one of my closest friends told me that she bought the exact same band for herself (she picked it out and bought it for her husband to give to her on Christmas Day). She said that she’s always admired my ring and “hoped I wouldn’t be mad.” I was speechless. We know all of the same people, so now everyone will see her wearing the same unique ring on her left hand that I’ve worn for 20 years.
She’s one of my best friends - part of me thinks that she’s just clueless and didn’t think much of it, but on the other hand, it seems insensitive or just plain weird and I don’t understand why she would want to wear the same ring. My daughter said that we’ll look like “sister wives” because we resemble one another. She thinks my friend is in the wrong and I should say something. Any thoughts?
Oh boy…no win situation here. I think some people would not be mad or even care. So it is up to you whether you think you need to say something for the sake if a continuing friendship. If shes a really great friend, you could say something, but the time was really when she first told you. Good luck.
She told me at a Christmas party and someone interrupted us after a few seconds, so I really didn’t have a chance to say something then, nor should I have since I needed to process, frankly. Maybe it’s silly, but I feel like a piece of me was stolen.
I’d try to let it go. The fact that she likes your ring enough to want the same thing is a compliment to your unique taste. How often are you really in the same place with this woman? And, it was yours first. I think you’ve got to let it go.
Awkward. Sheesh, she should have asked you first if you minded. I honestly don’t know. Depends on how close you are, I guess. Good luck. It’s amazing how clueless people are.
Then I think you get to bring it up again if you were interrupted. It soulds like it bothers you enough that it may interfere with the friendship. So you’d both be better off getting it out there.
Obviously, she dmires you. Probably jealous of your marital relationship and perhaps your mothering skills with your children. Her copy will never be as real as your ring. Let it go, IMHO
Is anyone other than you even going to notice? I can’t imagine noticing such a thing on any of my friends. Or caring even if I did. There are so many more important things in the world, honestly. Is this really important enough to you to jeopardize a friendship?
How unique is the ring? I can see it being irritating but honestly I don’t really notice or pay attention to other people’s rings. Maybe that’s just me because I’m not a jewelry person. Another vote for letting it go and trying to not let it bother you.
How many other people in the world are wearing the same ring? Probably quite a few if she was able to buy the exact same band. Yes, a tad odd for someone in your group to do so, but anyone who notices will have noticed yours for years and will know who the odd one is. Laugh it off if you can.
In the scheme of things, it’s not the most important thing in the world by any stretch. Outside of my immediate family, I wouldn’t even discuss it with anyone, which is why I’m posting the issue. Just wondering what other people think. I know how I feel, and I’m hurt by this because this is a close friend who I’ve been very good to over the years. The ring is very distinctive, and I’m certain that our mutual friends (many of our friends are mutual) will notice that she’s wearing the same wedding ring. Most of this crowd is into fashion, etc., and they notice these things. That’s not the point, however – I don’t really care if others notice and it’s more of a reflection on her. I just don’t like that she bought the exact same wedding band intentionally (she told me that her husband did not want to buy it and she talked him into it). If it were a watch, necklace, or bracelet, it would not be a big deal, but this is a wedding band. Also, the expense of the ring for her is a big deal, and not a frivolous purchase.
However, I do think that I’ll let it go because there is nothing I can do or say to change what is done. I feel sad that this dear friend would do something so callous – wearing this ring and looking a certain way is clearly more important to her than my feelings, and that is what hurts.
The unfortunate part of the situation is that whether you say something or not, you are going to view her at least a little differently going forward because of her choice to buy a copy of your wedding ring. I do think your response is a very human one to an odd decision on your friend’s part and it is painful when people we care about make decisions without considering our feelings.
A group of college friends got together for a football game and meal (and a few adult beverages) this fall. While at the dinner, two noticed they have the exact same wedding ring sets. Both have been married for over 30 years and it hasn’t caused any issues yet.
Well she certainly admires your style which is a compliment but I certainly understand how some women would feel insulted. A wedding band is a very personal item and you valued the fact that yours was unique. She has kind of stolen your thunder so to speak and has done so without consulting you first.
But I am wondering how unique the ring could be if she could so easily just go out and purchase one like it. Could it be that she did not understand that you believed the ring to be something that was sort of a “one of a kind?”
No slip, she did it purposely. I had a patient who picked out a wedding dress at a certain store In Miami. She mentioned it to a friend, who them went to same store and ordered same dress. The friend’s wedding was a month prior. My patient was upset, as many mutual friends.
In gourmet mom’s situation, the friend has been admiring this ring for MANY years, and was willing to,overspend to have the same. Probably only GMom will notice, but still…m flattering, yes, but encroaching, also yes.
I think if she was really concerned about what you thought she’d have mentioned it to you before she ordered it, and she wouldn’t have blindsided you with the information at a holiday party. She doesn’t seem overly concerned with her husband’s feelings either if the purchase put a strain on their budget and was one he didn’t want to make.
Did he give her a wedding ring when they got married? If so, what happened to that? If he couldn’t afford one then, she just wasted an opportunity to choose something together that would have special meaning for them. That’s too bad. Wedding rings are symbolic and what he sees when he looks at her ring isn’t likely to be what your husband sees when he looks at yours. They may look the same, but they’re not.
Unless your friend points out that she’s wearing the same style, I doubt many people will notice. But if they do, I’d just smile and comment on her excellent taste. The more gracious you are, the less people will have to say about it.
