My daughter is talking about not attending her high school graduation. Her social experience at high school has involved a lot of solo time and her school requires students to pair up with a friend for the graduation walk, and the few friends she has are already paired-up. Not having a friend to walk with is a big reason for avoiding the ceremony, but we’re mulling over skipping graduation altogether and just doing a nice dinner or possibly a trip out of town on the big day. She is already taking college classes locally. I feel at peace with this (so does she) but wonder what other options might be out there for acknowledging this milestone? And is there any chance she’ll regret not walking in the ceremony?
Nope, she won’t be regretting it in the least, most kids I know only go because they are forced-
My son says he’d rather not sit for hours in the heat to walk across a stage. He’s never been big on ceremonies.
My senior is also skipping. Has some anxiety with big/loud gatherings. Her friends are going so I hope she doesn’t regret the decision, but the decision is hers. Right after graduation day she’s touring Europe with her youth orchestra. We may head over early so it will feel like a celebration. I really detest the pairing up thing your daughter is dealing with. That is terrible. Maybe talk to a confidant at school, a favorite teacher or guidance counselor. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has come up.
I doubt she is the only student in this situation. It is a huge milestone that she may later regret missing.
Is there a counselor or administrator you’d feel comfortable reaching out to? Surely they have a system for pairing up students (friend groups can’t all be even numbers!).
I would completely support her decision with this. Why, oh why do schools insist on putting kids in this position?
A nice family celebration sounds like a great way to mark the occasion.
“her school requires students to pair up with a friend for the graduation walk, and the few friends she has are already paired-up”
This is stupid. I’m surprised school administrators came up with this.
My D didn’t have a high school graduation ceremony (home schooled).
For her undergrad graduation (UC Berkeley EECS with honors), she skipped the school and the department ceremonies, but went to the department after-ceremony party to meet/take photos with her professors and friends.
The next day after her undergrad graduation, the family went to SF doing the “tourist things” and we presented her the gift of her choice: a Brompton folding bike.
No, she (and we) doesn’t regret it one bit.
My daughter is probably going to skip the college one in May. She says she didn’t like her high school one (sort of forced to do that one because her sister was also graduating).
I didn’t have a high school one because I’d already done a semester in college. We’d moved and I only went to that high school for one semester. I did go to my ‘real’ high school graduation to watch my friends but sat in the bleachers. No regrets for not going to the one at the high school I received a diploma from.
I would not force my child to attend graduation. My S hasn’t mentioned anything yet but it wouldn’t surprise me if he says he doesn’t want to go. Frankly I don’t want to go; over 750 graduating seniors, with the ceremony outdoors in Texas in late May. Sweating for hours to walk across a stage for 30 seconds (for S) or watch it from so far away that he will be a tiny speck (H and me), plus S will have the added joy of sitting in a hot cap and gown. I’m dreading it and it would not surprise me to learn that S is also dreading it. If he had to organize his own line partner as well I’m sure he’d already have asked to skip it. H and I haven’t said anything to him because we don’t want to influence him, but privately we agree that we won’t make S go if he decides he doesn’t want to.
Thank you for your kind replies! These will help me sleep at night and now I feel even more comfortable with the “whatever you decide, we’ll support” refrain her Dad and I have been repeating. The pairing-up thing is odd, you’re right.
Yes, self pairing up is stupid and hurtful. Most HS graduations that I have attended do honors grads first, followed by the rest of the students in alpha order. I would be in favor of skipping that pain/stress causing ceremony and I like celebrations.
Wow what a dumb thing to do to a kid – I didn’t want to go to my college graduation. My grandmother died the night before and my mother forced me. I didn’t get anything out of it at all.
I’m so sorry, toomanyteens! She really is at-peace with the decision, and now I will fret about it less, too. And she has some sweet friends outside of high school, so that’s been a big “life is so much better after high school” lesson.
If school administration does ask why your daughter is choosing not to participate, I definitely think you or she should state that, among other reasons, their graduation procession policy is misguided.
Administrators like this are the same ones who refuse to admit that there is bullying in their school and would be incredulous if anyone suggested that their policies played a part in it. I suspect they will be immune to quiet appeals to common sense.
Our high school has something called Convocation the day before graduation. It is held in the school auditorium. They recognize IB diplomates and give out scholarships and departmental awards. I missed it for my first kid, but someone told me about it so I got to see my second kid get her awards. They don’t have enough room for families of all the grads, so they don’t publicize it.
It was much better than the big ceremony at the local college. If your high school does something like this, I’d recommend both parents go.
Agree that the pairing up is dumb and just causes stress.
If the graduation will cause her angst and you are fine with missing the ceremony then go ahead and mark the occasion another way. If she wants to get the cap and gown or borrow a friends and take some family photos that can probably be done as well. Life is not always one size fits all – do what works for your D and your family.
You can really have fun by wearing the cap and gown/ cords & sashes out to lunch.
I think it is totally fine to skip the graduation ceremony, as long as the school will permit that, without some adverse effect. I don’t know whether all schools will permit students to skip graduation. I could imagine some that would not. If she has to go, perhaps her GC could suggest a friendly student who is not already paired up for graduation.
An interesting story about a local high-school graduation: The students printed their names on cards, to hand to an announcer as they walked across the stage to receive their diplomas. So Joe Bloggs (borrowing a name from SAT “theory”) listed his name as “Baron Joe Bloggs” and was announced that way. The protocol changed the next year.