I would have no issue with allowing her to skip it and I can’t see how a school could force her to attend. If nothing else, she could be sick. No worries about this, OP!
I normally tell kids that graduation is for mom and dad… their chance to see you in the spotlight as you cross the threshold into adulthood.
But in your situation, skipping the ceremony sounds good.
I would absolutely let administration know, whether they ask or not, why she’s choosing to skip the ceremony. What they choose to do is probably excluding more kids than they realize.
Not sure what’s available near you, but I would absolutely mark the day. Around here I would suggest a dinner cruise around the Statue of Liberty or something similar-- something totally out of the ordinary.
Follow the wishes of your daughter.
My son had a great reason to miss graduation (mandatory orientation for a major university honors college), but we chose to attend. Big disappointment. And it was a very long & expensive trip (boarding school).
The term Convocation seems to have a lot of different meanings, so people should look into what it means in their local context. At our high school, what is described above was called “Awards Night”. “Convocation” was a religious-based ceremony that was not part of the official school program but was advertised as an open to all activity.
Omg. My high school did this. My best friend was 2 inches shorter so she wore heels and I wore flats so we could walk together. My S18s high school has 635 graduates. I hope they don’t do this. Ugh. I hope you come up with a nice alternative.
I get that there are probably kids wanting to “graduate together”. But who cares? Do it like everyone else–alphabetical, random. I don’t care. Just set it up so nobody has to “choose”. You shouldn’t need “a date” to graduate from HS. That’s just ridiculous. Our HS did alphabet–at least you knew who to look for and when.
As others I usually say “go to the ceremony” but if it’s causing angst then go out to dinner and have fun. Have her friends over and party. Celebrate one way or another. Open the grad gifts.
Get some pictures! She can still get the cap and gown and you all can take pix–that’s a lot of fun whether she walks with her class or not. Sort of like pre-prom pix. Invite her friends for pre-pix too.
Our HS lines students up alphabetically for the graduation ceremony. Much better way to do it IMO. There was plenty of opportunity for the kids to take photos with friends before/after the ceremony.
I didn’t go to my high school graduation. I was dual enrolled for 100% of my senior year and ended up going to campus once only to pick up my yearbook. I also skipped senior prom and didn’t feel like I missed out as I had gone as a freshman (as a juniors date) and junior year. I also lost a lot of my high school friends as they didn’t understand why I would take college classes instead of being with them, and it unfortunately got hostile enough I wanted to avoid them. I learned later that my mother really regretted my not going to graduation, especially when the pictures of my college graduation were lost when dropped off for development (late 90s, only had a film camera). At any rate, I do not feel like I missed out at all by skipping graduation, it has never been a thought at all for me.
I enjoyed my college graduation. It was an opportunity to sit on the floor of the old Boston Garden. The very floor that Bobby Orr, John Havlichek, Bob Cousy, Bill Russell etc .played on.
My son didn’t go to his high school graduation, mostly because you had to travel to the graduation location (about a half hour away) by bus with your classmates, and at the time, he had trouble with carsickness. I don’t think he regretted making this choice. The alternative was obviously unpleasant.
I don’t think any kid should have to attend graduation if it’s going to be unpleasant for any reason.
To me, a HS graduation is up to the student–if s/he wants to attend, fine and my spouse and I will also attend. If s/he doesn’t want to attend for whatever reason, that is their choice and I won’t try to guilt him/her into doing it for me.
That said, H did participate in his HS graduation because he wanted to be with his friends. D did NOT because she was booted out of her HS after JR year. She did attend a summer class at Adult Community School and got her GED, so she chose to participate in their graduation ceremony and was the only person called on the stage to be awarded a plaque because of her perfect score on the GED (only person in the nation).
I feel the same about college graduation–that it is up to the student (though I feel we as parents who paid a boatload of money have a more vested interested in watching our young graduate march across the stage). I’m glad both of my kids wanted to and did participate in their college graduations. We enjoyed watching them happily celebrate the rite of passage with their friends and classmates.
I did not attend my HS graduation. I finished my coursework after the fall semester and was traveling at the time (basically a gap semester before it was a thing). Never regretted it.
I was so glad to see this thread. My S is also not wanting to participate in graduation or any senior activities, mostly because he went through pretty traumatic hazing/bullying incidents sophomore/junior year. From that point forward he was somewhat black balled (it was a athlete thing) and really retreated since then. At that point he was gun shy and felt any other kids outside of this athlete group had already formed friend groups and he felt it hard to be included. We are at a very wealthy pretentious very large high school in So Cal with graduating class of over 820. We actually just exchanged his yearbook (paid for last year) for an AP test! Unfortunately other family members are kind of guilting him into participating. I will show them this thread! Thank you.
High school graduation is definitely an over-rated experience! If the student doesn’t want to go, then I think it would be cruel to require it. What would be the point to require it? I’d respect the student’s wishes about this.
Sounds like you have a bunch of tone deaf administrators. I’d totally support my daughter’s decision not to walk. The milestone is that she graduated, not that she participated in a ceremony. I skipped my master’s degree graduation and have never regretted it.
Graduations are generally miserable for everyone. We froze our tails off at my daughter’s hours-long college graduation (I brought a huge bag of gummy bears to ward off starvation).
Update: I confirmed with a valued teacher that this is the firm policy, but he assured me students rarely end up marching alone. He suggested she reach out to another solo student (how do you do that?) which is a kindly-meant gesture, but my sense is my kid has zero interest in putting herself out there like that. Our situation is complicated by a third child who is currently enrolled at the school (I’m concerned about retribution for him if we make waves at this point-- maybe our cowardice is why these policies live on? FWIW, he’s bummed about this situation for his sister.) My current inclination is for us to do our own thing and let them know why she won’t be participating when the time comes, and that this policy deserves revisiting. We have a new principal, who seems pretty cool, so they may be receptive to our feedback for a change in policy.
My oldest son graduated from an alternative HS with about 20 kids and his graduation was great. It was at Tilles Center and there was a luncheon afterwards for the entire family. D attended graduation because she wanted to. It was a long hot morning, after which we went to a lunch at one of her friend’s homes and then ran around getting her ready for prom that night. Middle boy (my NM commended student with the 36 English ACT subscore) didn’t get to walk because he played chicken with his English teacher and didn’t hand in enough assignments. They did let him go to prom and after summer school, he attended a special graduation with 6 other students. My son was the only one whose native language was English. To say I was humiliated and embarrassed was an understatement. OTOH, it WAS held in an airconditioned room in the HS. Third son hated HS and refused to go to graduation or prom. That year, it was so hot that a dozen people fainted during the ceremony. After that, they changed graduation to 5 PM and made the prom the next night. That was how it was for S17.
As for the OP, I agree that the child doesn’t have to attend graduation. My S14 didn’t attend and there were no repercussions for S17. I would tell the school why the policy is off putting.
At my HS graduation, back in the ancient times, boys and girls marched separately and we were lined up in height order. My other short friend and I suffered in high heels so we could sit with our taller friends.
Apropos the name card situation, our HS does that at graduation and at the prom. My middle son, the one who didn’t get to walk with his class, handed in his prom card and laughed hysterically as the assistant principal read off - Bond, James Bond.
This policy reminds me of when my daughter was in 8th grade and the school had the students put themselves into groups of 4 for rooming for an overnight class trip. My daughter ended up with no group, crying in the principal’s office, and put in a room with “the leftovers”.
All of the HS graduations I have seen have put the students into alphabetical or size order (with those making speeches at the front for easy assess to the podium)… Missing HS graduation is no big deal in my opinion, put it behind you and move on. Remind your kid that starting college is the perfect time to “reinvent” yourself.
Do they have a practice for graduation to iron all this nonsense out? Have her attend at least and see how it goes.
It is after all just walking to a seat–no problem walking alone to her seat… The chances of an even number of kids is still 50-50 (or did your administration miss that day?)