<p>I found this article, well, stimulating:</p>
<p>[Parental</a> ethnotheories and how parents in America differ from parents everywhere else.](<a href=“http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babies_work/2013/04/10/parental_ethnotheories_and_how_parents_in_america_differ_from_parents_everywhere.html]Parental”>Parental ethnotheories and how parents in America differ from parents everywhere else.)</p>
<p>I think they must have limited their studies to a certain subgroup.
I doubt if they included people who put Fanta in their babies bottles, or parents who placate their kids with as many electronic devices as they can carry.</p>
<p>I enrolled my oldest in a school that was very child directed and from casual observation even chaotic. The only tests they had were occasional math and science quizzes in upper elementary. Ironic that considering the emphasis Bill Gates think public schools should have on testing, that was where he chose to send his kids.
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<p>The thing that always strikes me is just how long American parents seem to regard their offspring as children for. In most European countries you’re expected to shift for yourself from the age of 18, and the idea that your college might monitor your lifestyle (even if living on campus) is laughable, let alone give parents info on what you are doing.</p>
<p>Yet American parents still seem to regard their sons and daughters as children well into their twenties. I find it bizarre.</p>
<p>Huh. That actually explains quite a bit, boom. My mom is a European immigrant and my dad was raised by a European immigrant. My parents have always seemed a bit different than my friends’ parents. I wonder if their European upbringing had a lot to do with that. Hm. </p>
<p>These kind of studies always bug me a bit. I guess I just don’t really see the point in them lol.</p>
<p>Boom is onto something, but it isn’t only EUROPEAN parents who are different. I think it’s also a factor of SES and cultures, plus the modern child-centric ideas that have gained popularity.</p>
<p>My H was raised by a single mother after his father died when he was a young child. His mother, like most of the parents in his African American neighborhood, worked FT, often at two or more jobs (which is what killed his father). The kids did not run the neighborhood, but were raised to be self-sufficient-they knew how to shop, make a meal (girls AND boys), and do household chores without help. Not only did they know how, they were EXPECTED to do these things. The idea was, these folks were the maids, gardeners, janitors and handymen for lazy rich folks, they were NOT about to come home to “serve” their own kids. </p>
<p>While H’s generation has not asked as much of their kids, the parents still expect the kids to learn to grow up and do not think of them of children well into adulthood. They tend to think that we white parents coddle our kids to the point of absurdity. Even my H will shake his head at the things I did for my older kids and our D. I try to strike a balance. </p>
<p>In H’s case, it’s a good thing he was raised to take care of himself and think of himself as an adult at 18, because his mother passed away days after he finished HS. He paid his own way through college, and didn’t have mommy to do his laundry, call the college for him, or plan his courses, or some of the other things I see here on CC. </p>
<p>While obviously few kids reach 18 having lost both parents, I do think it’s a good idea to move kids towards self-sufficiency instead of treating them as so fragile and youthful they can’t operate without mom and dad holding them together.</p>
<p>The idea was, these folks were the maids, gardeners, janitors and handymen for lazy rich folks, they were NOT about to come home to “serve” their own kids.</p>
<p>I understand that many families cant afford or aren’t interested in hiring child care help, help with the house, the yard, the car… We do much of our work ourselves even if H has to take vacation to do it, because it is still cheaper than hiring someone.
But I would never call a family who * could * afford to hire help, " lazy".
If they actually were * lazy*, how do they get the money to pay someone to do it for them?</p>
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<p>Trust fund babies ;)</p>
<p>But really, I often do wonder how much wealth in this country is inherited and how much is “earned”. That’s for another thread though.</p>
<p>The people I know who live off their investments and do not have paying jobs, are also among the the busiest people I know.
They not only have to keep on top of the people who keep on top of their investments, bit they are very active in the community. </p>
<p>They sometimes hire people that become close friends of the family and I consider them benefactors because they are providing work for people who may not have skills to find another job. Isn’t that why they are doing unskilled labor in the first place?</p>
<p>Sure, there are lots of busy, hardworking wealthy people and they choose to spend some of their money on manual labor workers so that they don’t have to, rather than that they are “lazy”. But, in the conversations and stories I have heard from people who grew up in the homes where the parents were domestic workers and manual labor types, the PERCEPTION was that these folks were paying others to do things that they were perfectly capable of doing, but just didn’t want to, or felt was beneath them.</p>
<p>And they may have been TOLD they were “like family” to their employers, but there was, and will always be, a very clear line between worker and employer. </p>
<p>In any case, when parents-of any SES-do so much for their kids they can’t really be on their own as young adults, then their job wasn’t done right, IMO.</p>
<p>Wouldn’t it be better for the economy if people who can afford help hire help? There seems to be a stigma in this country about getting help for the home that I think is silly. If you can afford it and you want someone else to do it -then what is wrong with paying for someone to give you a hand?</p>
<p>We are edging into a topic that I have always found puzzling and somewhat amusing.</p>
<p>I live in a community where most families have gym memberships, maid services and yard services. It has never made sense to me, other than for families with little kids and dual incomes requiring long work hours or long commutes. Most families here don’t have both spouses in those positions.</p>
<p>I watch my friends and neighbors pass the maid and the guy cleaning out the flower bed as they walk past the bikes (used only on weekends when dressed in biking apparel, and never for running errands) in the garage. They drive the car to the gym to take a spinning (or is it spin?) class. Then they drive across a large parking lot to the grocery store for a couple of items and back home. Nobody ever walks or bikes to the grocery store.</p>
<p>Our community gym/grocery store/village center is two miles away, accessable via well tended, safe, underused bike/walking paths… Also accessible via neighborhood roads with low speed limits, marked bike lanes and sidewalks.</p>
<p>In my community there is a complete disconnect between "working out/excercising/getting in shape and normal daily activities.</p>
<p>I’m just bemused by the whole phenomenom of paying for gym memberships instead of just doing some actual physical labor around your own house.</p>
<p>Full disclosure, we did have a maid service for a couple of years when our kids were small, we lived in a beautiful part of the country, my husband was working very long hours in a residency, and I didn’t want to waste those years cleaning toilets when we could load up the bike trailer, pedal a couple of miles and spend the morning at the beach or a park.</p>
<p>I did not, however, load the kids into the car, drive to a gym, check them into the drop in daycare, and “work out”.</p>
<p>I am mowing my lawn, tending my landscaping, washing my windows and my neighbors are paying people to do that so they have time…to go to the gym and stay fit. And the stares I get are baffling to me – as if I am impacting property values by owning a lawnmower.</p>
<p>I was raised that you never, ever, pay someone to do something you can do yourself. (Yankee ethics) If you are fortunate enough to be able to afford that sort of luxury, the money is to be saved, or donated. So the theory holds, ymmv.</p>
<p>I find some of the comments about how hiring “unskilled” labor is doing them a favor more than a little unsettling. Doesn’t that sound condescending?</p>
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Guessing that a lot of people find going to the gym enjoyable and doing physical work around the house less so. I have no gym membership, and we do all our own housework/yardwork. But I find it boring, and dislike most of the chores I do every day. I don’t think of child-rearing as the same kind of chore, though the first few years are certainly physical. 
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<p>Haven’t read the article linked in the OP yet because parenting articles usually annoy me. Hoping to glean whether or not it’s worth reading from some folks responding here.</p>
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As there should. If those lazy rich people were more industrious and did their own stuff, where would those paychecks that supported the self-sufficient children have come from?</p>
<p>Greenbutton, I’m the same way – we’ve never hired anyone to do household or yard stuff even though my husband and I work a lot of hours, but when my daughter graduates from college next year I am planning to make the case for someone to do the lawn. My husband is a wonderful, hardworking, amazing man, but he kills every plant and blade of grass he comes in contact with. I think it is my duty as a responsible environmental steward to provide the best possible care for my lawn, tree and plants.</p>
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Maybe it’s about preferences. I am very fit, workout six days a week and do a lot of walking, however the activity I enjoy and which is the only thing in my life (at 9 pm after I have worked full time, commuted 3 hours roundtrip, cooked, cleaned, and helped kid with homework) is lifting weights. About 20 years ago my husband got me a set of barbells and dumbells and I love them and enjoy them. I run in the good weather, but I do not walk to the supermarket or errands because my area is not conducive to that. But maybe your friends/neighbors have some activity that they enjoy at the gym or enjoy the social activity.</p>
<p>I teach “Spinning”
When I teach a spin class I get breathless. My heart is pounding. (Usually for just a few minutes) I am exercising hard for 45 minutes. I meet people.
Studies show that people who work out in a group work out harder. People who work out to music work out harder. Exercise improves brain function (especially in seniors) and prevents certain cancers etc…
When I work in my house or in my yard. Sure I am burning calories and building some muscle- but I come no were close to getting my heart rate up like I do in a spin class.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, we don’t have a lawn service and never did but there was a short time while my H was working out of town and I hired a service. It was pure luxury! They came and mowed my lawn, edged, picked up clippings and swept the sidewalks. We had a postage sized lot and I think it was around $30. I was so happy and my lawn never looked better. My H didn’t agree, why pay if you can do it yourself. Sigh!</p>
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I NEED this, Deb. Really. Hydrangeas are my favorite and I have had several but my husband has mowed them all down to the ground.</p>
<p>It is seriously a life goal of mine to be able to afford hire a maid. I hate, hate, hate cleaning. I do it and I do it just fine but I hate it so much.</p>