<p>My kids go to a school(kidergarten to high school) where most of their friends live .5 to 1 hour away from each other. Often when they have parties, kids do sleep over at each others house, co-ed. Therefore if kids start going out, if they want to see each other, then they do sleep over at each other’s houses. For some reason, I haven’t had any reason to deal with it yet. But I would let my kids’ boyfriends sleep over, but in different rooms. In our case, our guest bedroom is down in the basement, and our girls’ rooms are on the third floor.
When the alarm is on, if someone should move upstairs hallway the alarm would beep. So I am not worried.</p>
<p>Beef- back to the brith control, I cannot even number the 3rd and 4th children who are the unplanned extras of adult married responsible experienced people using birth control. My youngest fought through multiple methods of BC to be conceived and so did many others I know. How much more likely is that to happen to a teenager?! 99.99% sounds good, but when you are pregnant, you are 100% pregnant.</p>
<p>somemom: My son just said that one of his friends was probably going home for spring break “for the birth of her baby brother”. Argh!</p>
<p>Don’t you hate when someone starts and thread and then never comes back? Just saying …</p>
<p>When I was 19 I dated a 30yo. He took me to Houston to spend the weekend with his parents. She planned to put us in the same room, and I thought I would die. I asked for my own room.</p>
<p>I’m pretty liberal as a parent and a person, but hey, I wouldn’t have sex at my mother’s house when I was 40, and I wouldn’t want her getting busy at my house, either. How else are you going to motivate kids to support themselves? <em>grin</em> I think that sex can be a <em>powerful</em> motivator in this way.</p>
<p>I understand what you are saying TrinSF, about not wanting to have sex in your mom’s house at 40, etc. The problem for these 18 year olds is that their mom’s house is presently their home, too. That’s why I’m in the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” camp. If I had other adult guests staying in my home, I certainly wouldn’t insist that they not engage in intercourse while staying in my home (even if I would prefer they didn’t - ugh, I still wash all the linens here!)</p>
<p>I agree, TrinSF. I have only had sex at my parents’ house once, and that’s when I was young and foolish. My husband and I have never had sex, at my parents’ house or his. Just feels weird.</p>
<p>That’s interesting to read that married adults don’t have sex at their parents’ homes. I certainly have. </p>
<p>I also agree with AlwaysAMom and some others who state that they have college aged kids whose boyfriends share a bedroom in their home and they are certainly high class people! I see nothing wrong with it either. </p>
<p>I do respect that some may not wish for their college aged kids to share a bedroom in their home with a boy/girlfriend. If they are more comfortable with a guest room arrangement, that’s their choice to impose in their home. But I don’t get the OP’s situation where the parent would not “allow” her D to visit overnight at boyfriend’s parents’ home. That seems out of their “jurisdiction” when it comes to sleeping arrangements. But if they felt so strongly about it, then they easily could have boyfriend at their home and provide a guest room. </p>
<p>I haven’t had college boyfriends yet stay at my home but I have had high school boyfriends sleep over my home. My D also slept over their homes. Actually, I recall last year, my D was supposed to attend a family event of a college boyfriend and stay at his home but in the end, the plans fell through but I thought nothing of it. She can sleep with him at school, so I see no difference. How the sleeping arrangements were at his mom’s was up to her rules and I never inquired or cared. If I want to set a rule in my home if a boyfriend sleeps over, I can. What they do outside the home now that they are adults and in college, as far as where they sleep, is now beyond my control, as it should be. This is not the same as high school years. And I think this has nothing to do with “class.”</p>
<p>By the way, when I was a soph in college and engaged, my parents made us have separate bedrooms in their home (which I respected as silly as it was and we did go into each other’s room) and my in laws had us sharing a bedroom (knowing we had before in college anyway).</p>
<p>When I visited my husband’s house before we were married, none of the parties involved would even think of the 2 of us sleeping in the same room. Of course, I was in my 30s so perhaps things were so - how shall I say, ardent??</p>
<p>sooziet, </p>
<p>On page five you say that the OP was asking to stay at the boyfriends house because of disatance and safety. </p>
<p>I don’t think that was the issue at all. As I read it, the comment on distance meant that they had less time for sex. Her whole post was about the need for sex and not having enough time. It was easier for them when they lived in the same town but now is harder.</p>
<p>As long as she is living under her parents roof she should respect their wishes. What in the world is so hard to understand about that? If she does not like their rules she should move out and support herself.</p>
<p>
That’s pretty funny … an unintended benefit of new technology.</p>
<p>When I was in college I went to see visit my HS gf’s family and slept on the couch in the family room in the basement … there was no alarm system so I tip toed upstairs to visit by gf in the pitch black in the middle of the night. One slight problem … my gf’s family had moved and this was the first time I had been in their new house … I tip toed into the wrong room which led to a pretty exciting 30 seconds as I escaped undetected.</p>
<p>Wow. No sex at your parents’ house in your 40s? That upsets me. Do you live near your parents? Do you ever actually visit them?</p>
<p>Anyway, my parents followed the assign-to-separate-bedrooms-but-no-bed-checks method, which worked extremely well because the guest bedroom was on the third floor with my brother’s and my bedrooms, and no one but us and the guest had any reason to be up there. And it broke down anyway for one family wedding, when there were just too many people to put up to pretend to give my fiancee a separate room. (We were 24 at the time, and lived – separately – elsewhere, although we had lived together for two years before that. And we were engaged, ring and all, self-supporting, and extremely classy.)</p>
<p>
I agree children should respect their parents and their rules but I do not think things are nearly as black and white as that statement. Should children respect their parents? Yes. Should they respect their rules? Yes. As chilrden gorw into adults should parents respect their children’s choices also? Yes? If parent and child have reasobable but conflicting choices a little negotiation and/or compromose might be in order so both viewpoints can be respected … in this case maybe yoy can stay at your bf’s but in a separate room. And in some cases adult children may feel compelled to disregard a parental rule while still loving and respecting their parents overall … a totally made up example but also on the topic of children, college, and relationships … if my parents had made a rule trying to limit which religion or race I should data I would have been quite straight forward in my refusal to obey such a rule.</p>
<p>jpcoop91 wrote:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I read the OP differently than you did. She said that by the time she got to his house two hours away, she’d not be able to stay long in order to drive back at a reasonable hour and due to distance, it made sense to stay overnight but her parent forbid her to, and forbid him to stay at their house as well. Her post was NOT about the need for sex. Her post was about the need for a visit over the break and then due to the distance, spending the night. After all, she can have sex with him on a one hour visit and so the issue of spending the night had to do with the distance now that he lives two hours away, as she explained. She also explained that her parents “allowed” her to visit him at his college (they go to different colleges) and in fact, there is no parent supervision at the college. If anything, visiting him at his parents is a more limited situation. </p>
<p>While I don’t agree with their rule about spending the night at BF’s parents’ house, she does have to abide by their rules, yes. I personally think their rules should pertain to when they are in THEIR house, not the other kid’s house, now that she is in college (I feel differently about high school years though). But in any case, I was saying that this was NOT the same as the parents having rules about who sleeps where under their OWN roof. Some were debating respecting her parents’ wishes in that regard but that was NOT what the OP was about (sleeping at her own parents’ house). I already stated that I don’t have a problem with if parents want to not allow shared bedrooms in their own home (not agreeing or disagreeing but merely saying I respect their rule). However, I still think there is an easy solution to allow them to visit one another due to distance and that is to have the BF over their own home and insist he sleep in the guest room. If they forbid that, then this is not just about sex. What’s wrong with letting him stay as a guest? Also, they are not consistant as they allow her to be a guest at his college. </p>
<p>In my view, once in college, parents should not be controlling what she does at college or at these other kids’ homes to this degree, but just what she does while at their own home. But that’s me. </p>
<p>I certainly think she should RESPECT her parents and their rules. But I do think as an adult, she could bring up the point that on visits to parent homes, they can have separate bedrooms and if they object, she should ask why as they won’t be having sex in those homes. I think a reasonable and rational conversation and problem solving should happen at this age, rather than a black and white rule, particularly for the times the student is NOT living IN the home.</p>
<p>Unless the OP works seven days a week, she doesn’t have to visit her BF after work. There are such things as WEEKENDS or other days off - they could have the whole day together and not need to “sleep over”.</p>
<p>Maybe the parents just don’t like the idea of the home being used as a way station? And maybe they don’t want the daughter staying over at the BF’s house and then driving 2 hours to work the next day? If the OP’s post had nothing to do with sex but only with distance, why did the OP spend so much time explaining that they’re already sexually active and her parents should just accept it?</p>
<p>I just decipher her post differently than you. I see that the whole post has the theme of sex in it. I feel if the safety/distance issue was the main issue she would have said to her parents and us, that she offered to stay on the couch, guest room, etc. </p>
<p>I truly believe that the KIDS main objective is how they can have sex during Christmas break, and she can not believe that all of a sudden her parents have become somewhat strict on the subject.</p>
<p>I could be getting the “jist” of the post wrong though. I agree with you, if the wishes of the OP are just to see the boyfriend there are many solutions that can be found.</p>
<p>This is one of these don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t make noise situations. And seriously, don’t leave any evidence behind. Lord knows it’s not very classy to have the family dog drag out a used condom during a big family dinner.</p>
<p>Chedva,
I am just assuming (and she hasn’t come back) that she brought up sex in the post because her parents objected to her sleeping over his house, but not merely visiting his house, and assumed sex was the reason and she was pointing out that inconsistently they are “fine with her having sex and know that they do” and also that they allow her to spend the night at his college. So, perhaps she assumed that sex was the reason for no overnight since she was allowed to drive and visit him otherwise. That’s why I thought having him to HER house made sense so that they could insist on separate bedrooms (if sex IS the issue) and also if the issue COULD be that they don’t want her away overnight during her break from school, they can have him visit their home instead…and I can see that as a possible issue for her parents if she is home only a short while on break. I think there are solutions to how they can visit (and yes, a day off is one way to do a roundtrip). Perhaps there are other issues we don’t know about.</p>
<p>Thats how I read it Chedva.</p>
<p>jpcoop, I don’t think the OP’s sole reason was for sex, because she is alllowed to visit him, but just not overnight and so she surely could have sex with him without spending the night. I thought she brought up spending the night due to the distance involved. She mentioned sex because it seemed like she assumed that was their reason for not letting her spend the night (though they allow her to when she visits him at college…so not sure just what’s up on their end).</p>
<p>Perhaps the OP will come back and clarify?</p>