<p>Help, guys! D is engaged and hoping to marry late October 2006-- no firm date or place set, except that she prefers Seattle rather than Olympia, because then everyone won’t have to rent a car.</p>
<p>Fiance doesn’t have too much family. D doesn’t have many friends in the area. From our side, family and friends, maybe 25 max. Fiance hasn’t started to figure numbers but I would say wedding guests would number no more than 45-50.</p>
<p>How does a DJ or music in general go over at a small wedding? Of course we need music/dancing.</p>
<p>All ideas welcome. It will be a civil ceremony. I’ve ordered a book titled “Intimate Weddings” but it hasn’t arrived.</p>
<p>Wonderful news - congratulations! We haven’t done the wedding planning thing yet but I love the idea of a smaller affair. There’s so much pressure on families to provide a Las Vegas-style event. Those “Bridezilla” shows on TV are pretty terrifying, both economically and emotionally.</p>
<p>One tidbit of info from a newspaper article I tucked away years ago is that venues, caterers, etc. tack on a percentage when they know you’re planning a wedding - you can supposedly get lower quotes if you tell them you’re planning a family gathering. I don’t know if that’s true, and I also don’t know what happens when you tell the caterer, “Oh, you know that get-together? It’s really a wedding.” </p>
<p>Congrats again, to you and your d. What an exciting time!</p>
<p>( In Seattle )we were married for $1000 ( inc rings dress etc- albeit 23 years ago)
Had the wedding in the Washington park arboretum ( I don’t think that is allowed anymore- but the director of the Woodland park zoo said on of the reasons they want to build a convention center with banquet halls and parking garage is that people who have their weddings in the Rose Garden ( south entrance) requested it ( the reception was in our church)</p>
<p>We didnt’ really have music- a guitarist friend who played acoustic, but are many Djs who can play anything you like</p>
<p>Well, at least she has a whole year to plan!
We just had our oldest son’s wedding this past weekend. VERY small–about 35 people–and had the reception at our house :eek: . </p>
<p>Since the bride’s family did not contribute at all to the planning or costs ( :mad: ) we tried to do it very inexpensively. If that is a concern at all, you can PM me and I can give you lots of ideas in that department ;)</p>
<p>We went to a small weddding this past summer and they had a dj who just played music no MCing. The playlist was generated all from songs that had been preselected to be played in a set order. Heavy on the Neil Young but it worked great for the crowd.
They also had lots of young kids at the wedding and had a bouncer which was a hit with the entire group.
I went to another that had a Klezmer band. Lots of dancing. I think it depends on your guests. And since most are from your side of the family you might know what works for them.
Also a sunday wedding can sometimes open up more venues and sometimes a better price.
And last but not least congrats to you D!</p>
<p>Congrats and best wishes to you and your daughter.</p>
<p>Momofthree had a D that got married recently in a small wedding. Although her original thread was about a dress, other ideas and suggestions came up. here is the thread</p>
<p>We got married about 23 years ago, also for under 1000. The wedding was at my mom’s house, as was the reception. There were about 60 people. Most of the money went for catering and drinks. My mom and my aunt made flower decorations; we rented a bunch of chairs. My H and I put together several tapes of our favorite music–especially danceable stuff. We and friends danced so hard, I had uncles in the basement checking to see if the floor was going to hold. Still legendary as one of the funnest weddings the guests ever attended.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the suggestions and thread link. D and I are going to the Seattle wedding show in January for more ideas. I met her fiance when I went home from Boston to California via Seattle after dropping S at school. A very nice guy, worships her, financially stable. Unfortunately he was not born Jewish, although he is extremely interested in Judaism and has been reading about it, has agreed that kids are to be raised Jewish, etc. </p>
<p>Of course I would have preferred her to marry within our faith, and my dream of a chuppah and breaking a glass will not be a reality. Any children are automatically Jewish because she as the mother is Jewish.</p>
<p>My husband refuses to attend the wedding and has made it very clear to both of them. He doesn’t care how nice a guy he is, he’s a goy. My daughter said, “So if he was a serial murderer or rapist it would be OK as long as he was Jewish.” My MIL says he’ll get over it; I don’t think so. He would rather destroy his relationship with his daughter than compromise his principles. H can be very black or white. Thank G-d I have been working a 12 step program for almost 30 years.</p>
<p>So it’s difficult for me to experience the true joy of wedding planning.<br>
He is upset because I have been supportive of their plans. Both of them have made an effort to reach out and he has rebuffed them.</p>
<p>The thing is… and H does not know this…is that D’s fiance wants to go to synagogue with us when I visit and is seriously thinking of converting, but it would not be in time for the wedding. He is kind of a cultural Christian (I just made that up) and doesn’t attend church.</p>
<p>Grandparents and others are thrilled about the engagement. It’s going to be a tough 12 months for me if H stays his course. It’s hard to be incredibly sad and happy at the same time.</p>
The hardest part about planning weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc. is dealing with family. It seems that your H is already bringing that stress to the table. Why not let him know that future SIL is investigating Judaism? Is a meeting with your Rabbi a possibility? Maybe that will help your H deal with his feelings about the situation
the wedding show will present all of the classic formal wedding stuff. possibly consider an informal wedding. it takes more thinking, but potentially less cost (eg wedding dress, etc) and more in keeping with what your daughter wants.
if a private home is not feasible, look into what city parks and facilites are available for rent. Also, the colleges and universitites, may have facilities. There are places that are geared towards the 50-person wedding as well as the 300-person wedding
4.I went to a wonderful wedding where they had a Zydeco band in the garage and dancing in the yard (and this was at a small home)
guest lists have a way of growing over time. Also, figure in attrition and those who won’t be able to make it from the get-go, to determine a more accurate count.</p>
<p>I realize that the wedding show isn’t geared to smaller intimate weddings, but she is excited about going and I’d like to attend synagogue with the two of them soon, so I’ll make the trip up there.
I have talked to our rabbi and am meeting with him next week. He did not have the same knee-jerk reaction that H did.</p>
<p>Kinshasa, my heart goes out to you. I am venturing to guess, though I could be wrong, that part of your not telling him that the young man is considerng converting, is because you would like your H to lose the rigid stance regardless of the circumstances; or I may be reading that into it, because that’s how I would feel. </p>
<p>My S’s gf is Jewish. They’re very young, and I wouldn’t assume anything about them at this point, but if they were to marry at some point, I’d be devestated if a close family member treated him that way.
My S grew up church-going Christian, but I (being half Jewish myself, if that’s a term one can use) would not in the least mind grandkids brought up in another faith; for me, the idea of faith itself is more important.</p>
<p>Anyway, I truly hope that you and your rabbi will be able to change your H’s heart, before he risks damage to his relationship with his D, which is surely something we all feel is sacred.</p>
<p>Garland, yes, you’re right about the reason we’re not telling H. D’s F (for fiance) is amazingly mature about the whole thing. He is trying to understand how H feels. He told D this is a Dad thing. When his sisters brought guys home, he said, his father used to sit there cleaning his gun!</p>
<p>kinshasa – congratulations to you and your daughter! Though it might be difficult with your husband being unsupportive, I think you’ve chosen the right path – support the marriage as much as possible and let the two of them work out their religious issues. I am Catholic, and would hope that my kids would marry within their faith, just because it makes life easier. There are enough issues to resolve in a marriage without adding any extra challenges. But I also know, and have discussed it with my husband, that we have to trust our kids to make the right decision for themselves. If they find their perfect match, I don’t want them to pass that by because one piece of the puzzle isn’t perfect. </p>
<p>My only advice is to keep doing what you’re doing – go with your daughter to the bridal show, and allow her the joy of planning for this special day. You can’t change your husband, but maybe he’ll come around in time. If not, you at least have this time to enjoy with your daughter – you might want to keep a journal or make an album of all the details through this year – if your husband does change his tune, he might like to know what he missed. I just don’t think it’s worth losing a child over anything.</p>
<p>Kinshasa: I had an interfaith wedding (I’m Jewish, husband is Methodist) and we incorporated both faiths into the ceremony. There was a blessing of the rings by the reverend and a breaking of the glass. It can be done if you find the right rabbi/reverend.</p>
<p>It sounds like a bittersweet time for you: happiness for your daughter for finding a man to love for the rest of her life but sadness that your own beloved won’t share your feelings. I sincerely hope he mellows some because it would be so sad if it became something he regretted for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>Fredo, D is planning a civil ceremony. No mention of religion. Personally I would be very uncomfortable with any Jewish elements in the ceremony. Here is one point on which H and I are in accord. If it’s a Jewish wedding, it’s a Jewish wedding. If it isn’t, don’t pretend that it is. And if at some point F converts, then there will be a Jewish ceremony. At first I believe D was leaning toward incorporating some Jewish traditions but I had to be honest with her about how I felt.<br>
I think it gave her pause and she reconsidered.</p>
<p>Small weddings offer a great opportunity to invest in more quality (because you have so few guests and can spend more per guest). I’ve been to some really nice weddings with 50 or less guests:</p>
<ol>
<li>Rooftop ceremony and reception at the Park Hyatt in Philadelphia - very expensive meal (jazz band was used - no DJ)</li>
<li>ceremony and reception aboard a motor yacht in NY harbor (no dancing)</li>
<li>Restaurant reception in private room(DJ played music - people danced)</li>
<li>wedding at home with tent erected on lawn for ceremony and reception was held inside the home - catered, I don’t recall dancing, music provided by home’s player piano</li>
<li>Arbor wedding with reception held in adjacent manor house - early wedding followed by lunch - DJ and dancing</li>
</ol>
<p>Congrats to your D and her fiance. Sorry to read about your husband’s reaction. I hope he comes around soon. You must be so frustrated with him.</p>
<p>Kinsasha, I empathize with what you’re going through with your husband as my S’s fiancee and mother are currently dealing with this, only in their case her father is Pakistani Musleum and is absolutely not approving of my S. or the marriage. Fiancee and mother are Christian, so it appears more due to the different nationality and culture than religon, and the fact the daughter is rejecting an arranged marriage. We don’t expect him to come to the wedding ceremony, we just hope he comes to the reception, which will be traditional Pakistani. Good luck in your case.</p>
<p>Congrats Kinshasa!!
The next year will be a bumpy ride. Hang on. They always say, the test of the success of a marriage is if you can survive the wedding. Your dau might consider having the ceremony held outdoors in a gazebo. Even with a justice of the peace, it sorta “feels” like a chuppah!</p>
<p>congratulations and all will work out.<br>
As you stated you are working a 12 step program, you must realize that this is hubby’s problem, and not yours. Be happy, enjoy planning a beautiful wedding, and tell him to keep his prejudices to himself. end of story. when we don’t give into bad behavior, it can’t continue. work your 12 step program through this and you will have a great time. as far as small weddings, my second husband and I had a small one, about 40 people. we married in a beautiful historic hotel, and had the reception in the same place. as for music, we simply had a disc player with speakers, and it was a small enough area that sound wasn’t a problem. we chose all the songs, and they just played. my nephew also had a small wedding, and he had a DJ that played songs, and actually sang too. he was very good. back to faith…I believe as one poster said, faith is important. when we start turning our back on other faith’s and being intolerant, well I think history tells us what happens then. perhaps hubby needs a history lesson?</p>