So do we just break up now?

<p>^ Because you shouldn't pick your school based on where your loved one is.</p>

1 Like

<p>^ This.</p>

<p>I've done the long-distance thing before and I honestly believe it's just trying to postpone the inevitable. End it on good terms, and realize that you're 17. You'll find 'love' again.</p>

<p>break up now</p>

<p>D is about to go off to college and she is dating a boy from Australia, we don't know how that is going to work out since they both live half a world apart and are both starting college I guess it will be up to them as to whether they can make a long distance relationship work.</p>

<p>^ how did they meet?</p>

<p>They met at the begining of her senior year, he was here in the states as an exchange student. He went back home for awhile and then recently came back here to visit her for a month. Then she said she was going to fly back with him to Austraila to visit his family for a month. That is where she is right now until the first week of August, then two weeks after she gets back from there she will be going off to college about 3000 miles from home, and yes many many miles from where he lives. So I don't know how the heck this relationship is going to work out.</p>

<p>I'm hoping to study in the US for a year from next year. I have a b/f here in Scotland and we have talked about me being away for that long. We've agreed we're cool about it. We both agree can both do our thing (it will probably happen, anyway) but he'll come and visit and we'll be together again when I get back home.</p>

<p>Shazz</p>

<p>If you stay together, you'll most probably break up later and you'll find another "love"in college. You sound like a romantic, so you'll marry, and acorrding to the current divorce rate you'll divorce your husband. The statistics on second marriages is more vague, so I won't get into that. After you've lived your life, you'll die and decompose. After which the sun will enlarge and swallow planet earth. The Universe will then end in either a Big Crunch or a Big Freeze.</p>

<p>If you break up now, you'll find another "love" in college. You sound like a romantic, so you'll marry, and acorrding to the current divorce rate you'll divorce your husband. The statistics on second marriages is more vague, so I won't get into that. After you've lived your life, you'll die and decompose. After which the sun will enlarge and swallow planet earth. The Universe will then end in either a Big Crunch or a Big Freeze.</p>

<p>Do you realize the insignificance of your dilemma now? Do you? Do you?</p>

<p>
[quote]
I hate these threads. But let me venture in anyway. I can tell you that the chances of being broken hearted when somebody goes away to college and another goes to high school or a different college are about 100 percent. People this age change too quickly and there is too much going on. Rarely do relationships last at this age, forever. And in any event, I am not really supportive of that anyway. You need to grow and so does he. If its meant to be, you can always rekindle the relationship in later years. But for now, its best to have a peaceful understanding and let it go.....remember the good times and cherish them in your heart, but open your mind, heart and spirit to growing up and moving on...BOTH of you. Too many times the "clingers" cause heartache and trouble...and then it blows up and BOTH suffer huge emotional breakdowns, sickness and sometimes REALLY BAD GRADES. Neither of you want that for yourself or the other. Better to have an understanding now, be strong, be mature and let it go. Yes, its painful. Its part of life and all of that. But its necessary in order to grow up. Kids this age think their companion is "the one" at this age. Which is silly. You are 17/18. VERY, VERY YOUNG. Nothing wrong with being young, just recognize it for what it is. Kiss him goodbye and wish him well and then DONT do a rebound relationship. Just chill.</p>

<p>If you do the opposite and cling on, then be ready for a tumultuous relationship, a lot of anxiety and fear and trust issues and trouble. Is it worth it?

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<p>I just wanted to say that this is spot-on, and easily the best advice you can get. These relationships almost always end, and it's really just a part of growing up. If you stay together, one or both of you will start to resent the other, feel like you're sacrificing more for the relationship and/or suspect the other of cheating.</p>

<p>Yes. The answer is yes. </p>

<p>But you can break up in a "putting things on hold for at least the first semester-- we are allowed to date other people and not feel guilty" way, and then see where you guys are during winter break. But then don't act like you're still together by talking/skyping/IMing/pining away day and night while you're apart, it will just make you both miss out on what is going on in your present reality. </p>

<p>The only way a long-distance relationship can work out is if one or the other person is committed to making the distance end in the near future, i.e. moving to be together-- so there is an end in sight. But you don't have that flexibility right now and next year you will hopefully be smart enough to not base your college decision on the location of your boyfriend. Chances are it still won't work out in the long-run. </p>

<p>Now for the true stories of other people who have been in this situation:</p>

<p>One of my best friends in high school was dating someone two years younger. They had been together for 1 1/2 years before he went off to a college 5 hours away, and decided to make the distance work against all odds. Everyone told him it was a bad idea, but they were "in love" and it was his first "serious" relationship. So he went off to college and reality hit: neither one of them wanted to be tied down to someone who only exists in computer-land. So they had a long, drawn-out and painful break up and I think he probably missed out on being a normal freshman guy. She is LONG forgotten now, and when he recently joined the Peace Corps, he knew better than to try to make anything work out with his current girlfriend.</p>

<p>My brother was dating a girl long-distance while in high school (she lived 1 1/2 hours away). He went off to college, and it just became longer-distance. When she graduated high school a year later, she followed him to the same college. And then they realized that they didn't really have as much in common as they thought and broke up.</p>

<p>A friend's sister met someone her last year in college and they continued dating after graduation and eventually moved in together. After four years of being in a very serious relationship, he decided to go to grad school across the country and she quit her job and prepared to move out there to join him. He had already started classes and after 2 weeks of being apart, he decided it was too much of a constraint/distraction to be in a relationship while attending school and broke up with her (He most likely met someone else).</p>

<p>I know a girl who dated the same guy throughout the majority of high school. They graduated the same year and went off to the same college together. And instead of breaking up, they got married after their sophomore year. I'm sure they will try their darndest to make it work, but OMG how can you decide your life partner at FIFTEEN?!</p>

<p>My daughter and her boyfriend are hoping to keep their relationship going. Daughter will be 750 miles away at college, her boyfriend is attending college about 30 minutes from home. They plan to talk on Skype & cell, text, and see each other when she comes home on breaks, and he'll probably go there once per semester. </p>

<p>My daughter thinks this might actually be better than being 1 - 2 hours apart. This way, most weekends there is no option for them to visit each other, so there's no reason not to fully commit to activities and groups on their respective campuses. If they COULD see each other on weekends, they'd probably feel like they SHOULD - but they'd also probably both have other things they'd want to be doing, and the obligation to visit each other would feel like it was getting in the way of being fully immersed in their respective colleges. They'd start to resent each other.</p>

<p>As a parent, I'm kind of happy that they're going to try to stay together. I have no idea if it will work or not, and it's not my decision anyway. But I know how first semester freshman year goes - upperclass guys are checking out all the new freshmen girls. All the freshmen are checking out each other. People are trying to make friends, but some people want to find relationships, while others ust want to hook up with as many people as they can.... it's very confusing. My daughter is very pretty, outgoing, and a bit too trusting. She is also someone who is much happier when she's in a relationship. If she went to college single, I'm afraid she'd get overwhelmed by the attention she'll get, and maybe place her trust - and her heart - into the hands of someone who didn't deserve them. But going to college with a boyfriend - even if he's at a different college far away - means she can focus on meeting friends, and kind of keep herself out of the fray with the romantic and/or hook-up entanglements for a while. Even if she and her boyfriend eventually break up, at that point she'll have hopefully figured out who are the truly good guys, and which guys look good but are really not worth the heartache.</p>

<p>As for the original poster - I don't think you should necessarily break up just because he's leaving. If either of you feel that you will "miss out" on things next year because you're "tied down" to someone far away, then yes, break up. But if you feel you can have a great year with your friends, live your life, and still maintain a relationship by communicating on the phone and seeing each other when he's home, then go ahead and try it.</p>

<p>
[quote]
We've never fought and still care about each other very much, so why should we end a long, happy and healthy relationship?

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<p>You may have never fought... but you saw each other day-to-day, were able to work out little things on a regular basis. Far away, you won't see each other face-to-face a lot, things are going to build up, and you'll either fight or you'll suppress everything. The second is definitely not healthy. </p>

<p>As for the first... if you're not used to fighting face-to-face, how are you going to do it from miles away? Fighting isn't the sign of a bad relationship, but being unable to deal with it is bad.</p>

<p>I've never been in a relationship, so I hope no one uses that against me, but I don't see why the relationship is so "inevitably" going to end. Maybe it'll end short-term, but it's not "inevitably" going to end long-term. </p>

<p>Especially if you guys live in the same hometown and he plans on returning home for breaks, I don't see why the relationship can't work. </p>

<p>My cousin was in a long-term long-distance relationship for about 2 years. I don't remember why it ended now, but they saw each other as often as possible and remain good friends to this day.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I've never been in a relationship, so I hope no one uses that against me, but I don't see why the relationship is so "inevitably" going to end. Maybe it'll end short-term, but it's not "inevitably" going to end long-term.

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<p>Because the majority of people on here are in high school and haven't experienced this yet. The best advice is for the OP to do what he thinks is right for him, not to take the advice of everyone else. There are always examples from either side. Everyone advised me and my boy to break up, but I am ridiculously glad that we did not.</p>

<p>I agree 100% with Lafalum.</p>

<p>Son was a college freshman. Girl Friend a HS senior. Ended on New Years Eve of her freshman year. Lasted lots longer than either set of parents expected. BTW they are still friends.</p>

<p>I am definitely opposed to the mentality of "break up just because you're going to college" principle. Obviously, as some have said, if you cannot see a future for this relationship or believe that it will do nothing but hinder both of you in college, end it. Otherwise, why not give it a try? If it does not work, I hope you can part amicably and walk away with wisdom from lessons learned. If it does work, then I hope you two have many happy years together!</p>

<p>My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years, two of which have been long distance. He's at college six hours away and we've spent quite a bit of time talking (via Skype, when it worked on my computer, AIM, text messages, you name it) to keep our friendship as strong as we can. We were accustomed to this already because he attended a different high school and we saw each other maybe once a week before he graduated. </p>

<p>Lately, I've sensed us growing apart, but I know that would have happened regardless of our physical proximity. I do know that breaking up when he went off to college would have been a lot more painful for both of us than breaking up now would be. Being in a long distance relationship has actually helped me grow as a person--I've become more patient and more mature when it comes to handling conflicts. If, two years ago, I had followed the advice most users on this thread are giving, I would have likely missed out on this growth.</p>

<p>High school relationships are typically meaningless hormone-induced, puppy love feelings. College relationships have a greater chance at surviving.</p>

<p>I'm glad I didn't waste my time on high school relationships and saved myself for college!</p>

<p>^Typically, but you never know. My mom met my dad when she was fifteen (he was twenty) and married him when she was seventeen. They just celebrated their thirty-sixth anniversary. So it's hard for any of us to write off a high school relationship was meaningless when they can succeed, given the right couple.</p>

<p>I honently have never been in this situation but I think you sould stay together for a few month and see if you can two handel a long distance relationship.</p>