<p>One thing that seems different from my HS and college days in the far distant 70s is the way kids drink today. We drank primarily beer and I don’t recall anyone with a water bottle full of vodka (of course we didn’t all carry around water in those days either). The drinking age was 18 and we drank pitchers of beer in the campus pub. There was no such thing as “pre-gaming”. There was the occasional party with some kind of potent “punch”, but it was rare for kids to do shots. It is much harder to get excessively drunk on Rolling Rock. OTOH, kids today are MUCH more responsible about drinking and driving and for the most part do not smoke cigarettes, which many (most) girls I know did back in the day - at least for a year or two. </p>
<p>There was certainly casual sex, but it seemed that the goal was to be in a relationship for most kids. We didn’t date in the sense of going out to dinner and a movie, but had boyfriends or girlfriends. We also got to dress much more casually when we went out - jeans not short dresses with high heels. And the use of birth control seems more common - which may be a sign of changing attitudes toward casual sex. In the past, there was still the idea that if you didn’t use birth control, sex was not planned and you were just caught up in the moment. It seems that kids today are more realistic and thus are more prepared. </p>
<p>I agree with the others that the term hook up seems to be very inclusive and the roommate was probably talking about much less serious behavior. </p>
<p><<<
Her roommate recently boasted of hooking up with five guys in one night</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Ok, that is gross.</p>
<p>Why is it so gross? Because she is a girl? Isn’t scoring a girl a fair game among young male HS/college students? Don’t we condone it all the time for boys? I don’t know why girls should be the only ones holding up “moral” standard. By all means if they want hold it up but if not that shouldn’t fall on girls alone.</p>
<p>I agree with those saying hook-up sex/casual sex isn’t new. There was casual sex in the mid 70s at my southern tailgate university and my father (same university 25-30 years earlier) told me there were college women enjoying sexual encounters with men in whom they had no serious long term interests then as well. My mother (also same university) found this a shocking idea and refused to believe it. She was “not that kind of girl” </p>
<p>In my middle class neighborhood, full of professional parents, girls in their early teens were given birth control pills by their pediatricians to regulate their cycles and help their complexions. No one acknowledged the sexual activity because good girls didn’t do that. However, some girls’ moms gave them Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex by David Reuben, during their senior year of high school. We also had MS magazine. And Cosmopolitan. And DH Lawrence in a pinch. During college I lived in a sorority house with women who thought it imperative to have a huge rock on their fingers asap and a wedding the summer after graduation. Anything else denoted failure. This was our culture. For many, the response was a secret rebellion. They wanted more experiences than just one man, but needed to protect their reputations. So they looked for hook-ups among men they wouldn’t normally encounter in social situations and on vacations. A year abroad was a really safe time to experiment. </p>
<p>Our kids generation is more open and less hypocritical. I also think that overall they have fewer partners, just based on what I hear from my kids and their friends. And I do think it has to do with the world changing a bit with HIV/AIDS. I made sure there were safe sex pamphlets from the local university health clinic at our house when my kids hit puberty. They talked about female condoms, dental dams, etc. </p>
<p>ETA: Looking for Mr. Goodbar was published in '75. Fear of Flying in '73. They are “hook-up” books. It is interesting to think if the 80s were a different culture. maybe so. </p>
<p>“You can’t say it any more correct or incorrect because you don’t know it any better than I know it.”</p>
<p>You stated it as a general rule. It’s incorrect as a general rule. LOTS of Ivy-bound, EC-heavy, up-all-night-with-AP-homework kids have sex. If the AP kids you know are indeed celibate (which you can’t know unless they are never out of your sight), it’s not because they are too busy. These are exactly the kids with the brains and wiles to figure out how to do what they want while fooling parents.</p>
<p>JHS 2. Thanks to a whole generation of sex ed and ubiquitous porn, young people are comfortable with and knowledgeable about a variety of sexual practices that were super-freak stuff back in the day. So as a parent it’s easy to get shocked, but it really doesn’t have more social importance than anything we did.</p>
<p>Here is where 70s college experiences may differ. Some of my southern sorority sisters were super-freak. And they explained super-freak to the rest of us. None of us will ever be shocked by anything our children do. Basically we can’t believe how non-shocking our kids are turned out. We are relieved. </p>
<p>My kids graduated in 2005, 2009, and 2012. We talked about this, of course. They were aware of a few friends who were promiscuous and perhaps a few more in friends-with-benefits situations. But most of their friends went out in groups to parties, danced/flirted/whatever, and wound up with steady significant others by senior year, however ambitious they were.</p>
<p>Extremes make for entertaining television and the kind of journalism that guarantees more viewers, sales and/or clicks. </p>
<p>@alh: “None of us will ever be shocked by anything our children do. Basically we can’t believe how non-shocking our kids are turned out. We are relieved.” Amen! </p>
<p>I think society swings (pun intended) like a pendulum. The mores of the Georgian era were beyond lax; in reaction, the Victorians were hyper-strict. Then there were the 1920s counterreaction, then the 40s/50s swing back, which led to the 60s free love and 70s p-rn explosion, and so forth.</p>
<p>What society judges to be socially acceptable behavior may change. In past eras middle/upper class young women were guarded by chaperones. In those circumstances, women have fewer sexual partners. Does male behavior ever change? I think generally people are the same throughout history.</p>
<p>My kids didn’t even tell me when they started menstruation, let alone when they began having sex.
( I just noticed my supplies started disappearing)
I used a diaphragm when I was young, which I assume is similar to a female condom.
Personally I loved my diaphragm.
It’s not meant to prevent disease transmission, although I suppose it may help.</p>
<p>I hope a girl bragging about several guys in a night, is not not referring to anything below the waist, that would be sadder than her behavior already is. From my viewpoint, it sounds like she is overcompensating for something.</p>
<p>I was relatively naive in high school, although I was assumed to be very loose just because of my body type( my chest was much bigger than my hips, the red hair didn’t help, I suppose)). I remember when kids were gossiping in 8th grade that a particularly beautiful girl had slept with a certain boy, and I remember wondering why. Did they want to watch cartoons together in the morning?
I seriously was that clueless.( early 70’s)</p>
<p>To the OP, that’s pretty disgusting. Trust that your family’s core values will help your daughter navigate college and life in general. Bravo for your open communications. If she continues to be unhappy though - it might be like the case of my Godson - who went to my alma mater. His parents asked me to look in on him while visiting my parents out of state. He seemed fine but very unhappy. The student life resident culture was horrible. I never experienced that because I was a commuter. He would later that year transfer to his dream school and he couldn’t be happier. Interesting that my own son wound up at the same school, and he is very happy too and fitting in socially. I was horrified to hear about what was going on at my old school, especially drug-wise. I’ll never recommend anyone go there again just because of that. </p>
<p>One change from the 80s when I went to college is the randomness of the hook-ups. According to my son, smartphones and Tinder have allowed weekdays and daytime participation, while my generation it was generally relegated to bars and weekend parties. The couple chooses to meet up based on photos. Son deleted his Tinder account first semester last year.</p>
<p>I seem to remember a past post pointing to a study that found about 1/3 of students are serial monogamous, about 1/3 participate in the hook-up scene, and about 1/3 do not participate.</p>
<p>Please, let’s see a post that says “so how did we end up with…” that is NOT about something that has been around since time immemorial.</p>
<p>There is nothing new under the sun. Perhaps advertising that you are a pro is more common nowadays than before the 1960s.</p>
<p>I had friends in college who I wouldn’t go out with at night because of their hook-up mentality. Some were even left money on occasion. Most took it.</p>
<p>Speaking of tv shows, one thing I appreciate about The Big Bang theory is that it generally shows the hook-up culture in a negative light. Penny is generally unhappy when other characters comment on the parade of men going through her life. Leonard’s casual hookups tend to end in disaster eventually, etc. </p>
<p>Post #66, I didn’t state as a general rule, I was responded to Bob’s post above my post. I believe I wrote the kids I know not generalization of your area or any other area. Perhaps posting on iPhone was not
The best way.
Ek, I know when my kids had their first period. So maybe I’m more in tune with my kids.</p>