<p>Do young people today lack conversational skills? Do parents today do most of the talking for their kids? </p>
<p>In the College Life section of CC, it seems as though quite a lot of young people lack the basic social skills of meeting new people, discussing issues, and starting conversations. I don’t remember this being as big of an issue when we (45 years old and older) attended college. Am I wrong?</p>
<p>How often have you walked into a room where several young friends are sitting there “communicating” on their laptops? My son won’t ever talk on the phone if he can text. He does know how to communicate with people face to face, but it seems to be going out of style.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed that too.</p>
<p>I had this problem as a young adult too but five years of public speaking training and some communications courses took care of that problem. I don’t know if it is any different now than before except that it’s easier for students to communicate their problems to other people through anonymous online forums.</p>
<p>Our son has no problems socializing with others but we’ve always had lots and lots of discussions on a wide range of topics. He has also worked for many years tutoring which forces you to interact with lots of other people in order to solve their problems and he’s had internships where he has had to interact with managers, peers and roommates.</p>
<p>Our daughter is quiet by comparison, and less sure of herself in conversations. I do not know why she has less self-confidence but it might be a nature over nurture thing. I think that it takes more time and effort for her to be comfortable in one-on-one discussions with strangers than for our son.</p>
<p>So it could be a personality thing or it could be that it’s just being reported more because of technology.</p>
<p>I think it’s a combination of things as well as the kid’s disposition. My S is not at all a social person. He is also a hands-on kind of guy, so he does not do Facebook, does little texting, and mostly talks on the phone when he wants to contact people. Living away at college would not have suited him at all. He made a few friends at the local CC and has a few others through work-that’s good enough for him.</p>
<p>His sister was miserable in a small college in a small town and is always texting, chatting online, etc. BUT works in the restaurant business where her strength is talking to people face to face. So she’s got the social skills but is also a modern kid, AND needs to be a in big city surrounded by friends.</p>
<p>My youngest texts ALL THE TIME. She would rather Google something than ask a living person how to do it. But she’s also the unofficial class leader often tasked with bringing up some kind of issue in school, and was a school ambassador last year. She plans to go far away to college because she wants that time in her life to be one of exploration, not sameness, and can’t figure out why her sister didn’t feel that way. </p>
<p>So I guess in the long run, the answer is, “It depends”.</p>
<p>I think the typical student who turns to CC college life for advice is NOT the “typical” student in general, at all. My roommate in college, a bubbly extrovert, had no idea what a forum was when I tried to tell her about it. I wouldn’t go drawing any conclusions about this generation of college kids from what you see on CC college life, just like you wouldn’t assume that all of today’s college kids are valedictorians even though it looks that way from the CC parents forum…</p>
<p>This is why I posted this thread—to get various perspectives on the issue. I’ve heard quite a few stories from parents (face-to-face) regarding the difficulties their children had with making friends and socializing with peers. I don’t remember this being an issue in college way back when :).</p>
<p>Perhaps it wasn’t an issue for you, but it was for me 30+ years ago. I have always been quiet and had superficial friends in college to do things with, but no one that I still keep in contact with. I have encouraged my kids to join clubs and get involved on campus to meet friends (something I didn’t do much). I am better now at talking to people, but don’t enjoy being in a room full of strangers.</p>
<p>recently a friend and I were having lunch lunch in a public place where you may bring the food you bought inside to a very pretty garden. Many people are there whiling away enjoying the afternoon. We were startled to see an interesting scene - a group of twenty somethings coming in and sitting on the garden benches, all of them whipping out cell phones and clicking away as they ate. After a short while, they brushed their crumbs off their laps, put away the phones and went on their way. Wow.</p>
<p>My dad never had problems jumping into a room with strangers and carrying on conversations. He had such diverse interests and always seemed to know the right questions to ask to find commonality. I really envied that ability. My H and son seem to possess it also. I think it’s just that combination of confidence and true interest in others.
I think most college students (and lots of others!) are just missing the confidence part. On-line communication allows more thought to go into responses.</p>
<p>It’s hard to make “real” friends (the true and blue forever type). Sometimes you click with someone immediately but most often it comes through common experiences and time spent with someone which is why so many friends are from HS and college. Which is why it’s important to join clubs or other organizations.</p>
<p>I think another problem is that many fewer middle class kids have any experience sharing rooms.</p>
<p>“I think the typical student who turns to CC college life for advice is NOT the “typical” student in general, at all.”</p>
<p>That’s my thought…there’s now a place where college kids with social difficulties can (virtually) congregate. There were always awkward kids who struggled making friends in college. We just didn’t hear/read about them. They sat in their dorm rooms.</p>
<p>These threads have come like clockwork since I’ve been here at least. </p>
<p>The problem here is that we’re ALREADY getting threads when school has only been in session for a few weeks. Kids want instant gratification, instant friends, and if they don’t get it then they go into panic mode. </p>
<p>People also don’t know how to compromise on their own. We didn’t really grow up in unstructured environments. There were no pick-up games of baseball. Only stuff organized by our parents. So now that we don’t have that structure, we’re not sure what to do. </p>
<p>I didn’t have any good friends until around Thanksgiving my freshman year. I didn’t get along with the people in my hall and it took me about three months to realize <em>gasp</em> there are other halls! lol</p>
<p>It’s also harder for us who don’t like to party. It takes a bit more motivation. </p>
<p>Plus, like others have said, CC tends to attract anti-social or “awkward” types. If we were extremely involved, we wouldn’t be on here as often <em>whistles an awkward tune</em>.</p>
<p>I think that the kids who hang out on the CC forum are definitely not your “typical” college student. Perhaps they are more comfortable in an online environment.</p>