<p>My D’s friend who is a freshman in college, just found out that she is pregnant for the second time in less than three months. The “father” and his mother are manipulating the girl (again) hideously. There is just no good outcome here and it breaks my heart.</p>
<p>End of rant.</p>
<p>That is horribly sad. Hope the friend is able to figure out what best to do. Sounds like she could use some GOOD counseling–is there any to be had at that college? Good luck!</p>
<p><em>sigh</em> Oh, zoosermom, I’m <em>really</em> sorry to hear this. TWO TIMES in less than 3 months?? It sounds as if someone needs to share some information with this young lady. My heart goes out to all concerned. I hope they find the least damaging way to reconcile this, whatever that may be. ~berurah</p>
<p>Does she not believe in birth control?</p>
<p>I’ve tried to get involved and help, but no luck. I’ve known her all of her life. The back story (and explaining the birth control) is that she has a hideous homelife and the (former) boyfriend was her entire life. The pregnancies weren’t accidents. She thought they would get married, he thought he would use her. Anyway, the first pregnancy was her plan to get him to marry her because he had just broken up with her (but was still making booty calls). The mother and son strong-armed her to the abortion clinic with promises that he would date her again. He didn’t. He dated other girls but continued “calling” her. She was absolutely desperate and tried the same tactic again, but this time she wants to have the baby and give it up for adoption. She hasn’t (can’t?) told her parents yet and the mother and son team are all over her. I’m worried about her health, I’m worried about her future.</p>
<p>I too would be worried about her health & future. Would also be concerned about this BF & his mommy (yuck). Is there any way she would consent to counseling ASAP? Perhaps an “objective” person might be able to add some perspective to the situation? Will keep her in my prayers!</p>
<p>zm~</p>
<p>That really <em>IS</em> sad. OMG. When a girl doesn’t have a good, nurturing, supportive home life, it is <em>SO</em> easy and natural for her to look elsewhere for the emotional sustenance. Obviously sometimes this ends up being from someone just as bad as or worse then her family <em>sigh</em>. </p>
<p>See, this was the dealio when I was fighting our yearbook issue in which teen pregnancy was GLORIFIED and the accompanying text described a cozy little family life in which the bf (baby’s father) had moved in with the girl’s family. Girls like your D’s friend are <em>SO</em> vulnerable to messages like that because they are not grounded enough to be looking for a better and brighter future, and they end up thinking that getting pregnant <em>IS</em> a solution to their lack of love.</p>
<p>I have NO idea what she is going to do if she can’t turn to her parents. Poor baby. This is just devastating all the way around. ~berurah</p>
<p>zoosermom, what a sad situation. I will keep your D’s friend in my pryaers</p>
<p>What a terrible situation! Can you offer to take her to lunch and let her know what counseling options are available at her school? And maybe walk her over there? Invite your daughter, too, if that’ll make her more relaxed. She clearly needs good advice, perspectives, and a lot of self-esteem boosting.</p>
<p>I’ve offered her help and advice. I’ve offered to act in loco parentis and to let her live with us. But she thinks she’s going to get him back.</p>
<p>It’s hard to choose who is more appalling in this situation - the mother, who is clearly quite demented, weird and sick, the young man, who is behaving horribly, or the young lady herself, for not valuing and honoring herself, for allowing others to treat her this way, and for chasing after a young man who clearly does not value, honor or respect her. </p>
<p>The young lady needs more than a lunch, a talk, or even casual counseling - she needs an entire lifestyle and social circle change. </p>
<p>The mother is certainly beyond hope. The young man probably is too, if that’s the sort of parent(s) he has. Ick. Yuck. Disgusting.</p>
<p>So very sad when “we” can see the mistaken thinking of our kids & their friends, yet we have to let them make their own mistakes. Tough to even know the right answer for this girl, as in which event will allow her to gain some independence and self-pride. I am soooo sorry for the situation ya’ll are trying to help with!! I guess the best you can do is be there for her as an adult resource and help her come to the best decision of which she is capable!</p>
<p>I don’t understand how she thinks that having the baby and putting it up for adoption is going to get the “boyfriend” back. Perhaps if you have her try to explain it to you, she’ll come to see that this doesn’t make any sense.</p>
<p>None of this makes any sense, that’s the whole point. She’s thinking that if she has it he will develop some sense of responsibility or affection for the baby and will want to be with her (who watches Seventh Heaven?). In the alternative, she will give it up for adoption because she doesn’t want to have another abortion, although I think this is where it’s headed.</p>
<p>Oh no! Hugs to ZooserMom… so tough to watch this happen. I can’t believe that her mom is that destructive towards her. </p>
<p>I really feel for her - 19 is a tough, tough age for dating. Mostly, no one dates anymore - everyone just hooks up. I don’t think we fully understand what this is doing to young women.</p>
<p>Can you try to get her into school counseling sessions? Can you get her to call Catholic Charities, who will help out with adoption and counseling?</p>
<p>Aries, it’s not her mother who’s manipulating her, it’s the boy’s mother. she doesn’t want him to pay child support, interrupt his education or (heaven forbid) marry this girl. The girl’s parents are the most disengaged people I’ve ever encountered. I’m hoping that she will eventually get herself together enough to get help, but right now her life is begging him to be with her.</p>
<p>So it’s okay for her to have abortions and/or interrupt her life and education for pregnancy, but it’s not okay for him to do the same? Grrrr. Are we back in 1850?</p>
<p>Well, it’s not HER precious son now is it? How does that work? The child would be her grandchild. The thought of any woman being pushed to have an unwanted abortion makes me ill.</p>
<p>I agree. I think it’s especially sick because it’s her own grandchild being aborted. 
Sad thing is, she may never have grandchildren after this; there are legions of people who have abortions and cannot get pregnant when they want to, or men who marry infertile women, or men who marry too late to have kids. </p>
<p>Please at least make sure a doctor tells her the effects of having multiple abortions. I’ve heard of women who develop a faulty cervix that won’t stay closed during pregnancy, so she can’t bear children when she wants them.</p>
<p>The pain of the abortion will be all on the girl. The grief, the guilt, and knowing every day what she did will be all hers. That’s really what his mom wants - so it isn’t on her son. She couldn’t take this opportunity to teach him how to step up to the plate - she’s doing everything to let him off the hook. </p>
<p>Hug? Hug?</p>
<p>Hug? I don’t know about that Ariesathena, I was thinking more along the lines of right about now I’d love to have about three minutes alone with this sorry excuse of a “mother” in a dark alley.</p>