<p>Really and truly - who made Andover the Harvard of Boarding Schools? It has more interest here on CC bc its need blind thus is more accessible to more people, but honestly its not THE best…</p>
<p>Agreed with Goaliedad. That should conclude the discussion.</p>
<p>Wow. A lot of great answers on here. I nominate the lot for best posts thread!</p>
<p>Very thoughtful and caring post, goaliedad. I hope it is taken to heart.</p>
<p>I really like goaliedad’s post 
It’s very important to learn how to deal with rejection. And it’s better to fail now than later when you still don’t know how to handle it (I keep thinking about the Alabama professor shooting case 
she shot people when they rejected her). </p>
<p>Thinking back about my “failure” (being waitlisted by my 1st choice), now I consider it a positive experience because I learned a lot from it. And I got in another great school anyway.</p>
<p>These are very insightful posts but let’s not forget that this is not a theoretical discussion about rejection. Timmy2000 is a real person and she/he came to this board for herlpful answers. A little constructive critisim is one thing, but let’s be careful about equating her son with a mass murder. I know that wasn’t meant to be hurtful, but it was a little intense. Surely, there are many people who have issues dealing with rejection that don’t end up killing anyone.</p>
<p>First and foremost, I have stated that son is extremely grateful for what he has! He knows that the world owes him NOTHING, and everything good in life requires hard work and dedication (without priority love, happiness, sports, academics, friends etc…) . </p>
<p>Secondly, how many people out there have been told “no” one time in your life and then taken that as the final answer? Not many, I presume as you are where you are in life because of determination. Yes, you can just dust yourself off, but how about just quitting, sometimes it is easier right? If you do try again, does this mean that you have “insecurity issues” No, I don’t think that is the case. Rather this is about drive, motivation and the desire to climb the mountain was “because it there”. I believe that the response to the question of “why climb a mountain?” was along this line. </p>
<p>I would never dump on someone for trying a second time at something they came up short in. Yes, it is easy to take what you’ve achieved and proceed sometimes without looking back (but always remembering where thing didn’t go the way you wanted them to). </p>
<p>Do not mistake determination as a sense of entitlement. This is not the case. Has my child failed at things, you bet, he is by not means perfect at everything he does. Failure has been part of his life, and recovery from failure is also part of what gives him depth. </p>
<p>There has not been one word of “complaint” in my postings. I strongly resent anyone inferring that from my posting…</p>
<p>One question that has not however been answered relates to how the siblings attendance may have impacted his application at other schools. Is it advisable to not indicate that you had a sibling attend another BS when developing the application materials? How does an ADCOM from a different school read an applicant when they see a competitor school in the family history? If well qualified, do they assume that the students first choice will be with the family connection? It would seem likely that this would be the case, so why would any ADCOM be motivated to support using one of their few available slots for someone who they would view as not likely to accept the slot? This does not imply lying or deceit, but rather omission of information from you application that could have a negative bias on the application. </p>
<p>I actually recall talking to an ADCOM who indicated one of his kids wanted to go and look at other schools and he did not feel comfortable as all of the other ADCOMs would know who the application was coming from and with the family being well known why would the child even consider another school?</p>
<p>" Strangely enough, this is a big red flag. The Andover experience (as well as other highly competitive prep schools) is all about pushing the student to the point where they do experience a degree of failure where they will have to pick themselves up again. The ability to recover from failure and push forward is a requirement to be successful at these schools.</p>
<p>The fact that your son does not accept failure (non-admission at Andover) indicates that he has not developed the skill necessary to deal with failure in an important endeavor."</p>
<p>These two paragraphs can be interpreted in several ways, one of which is contradictory, in the first it indicates how people who have not seen much failure in life get that experience from the BS school and “pick themselves up again” after failing. So by not re-applying you are accepting failure? or by continuing on and reapplying are you not in fact also recovering. There is always more than one path to follow in recovery from failure or at least failure to achieve your ultimate goal.</p>
<p>You seem to have misinterpreted drive and motivation for lack of maturity. Does desire to recover from failure make you immature and not developed? </p>
<p>So choose your words wisely, there are many ways to look at desire and maturity in this case.</p>
<p>there’s a lot of “tough love” “kick-in-the pants” advice being expressed here. To me what is missing, and we are nearly in the same boat of having a child rejected from his first choice and admitted elsewhere, is some empathy for his feelings. Luckily, our family doesn’t have a confounder of a sibling going to Andover to add to the mix. </p>
<p>I think he needs a lot of support. It’s okay to be sad with a rejection. Give him the time he needs to sit with his feelings. He’s a bright kid, I think he will realize the opporunity before him soon enuf. And if he decides, that he still wants Andover, no harm in throwing his hat in the ring again. If he’s using the Andover acceptance or rejection as the yardstick to determine how he measures up against his brother, then that’s a different story. He’ll have to believe you when you tell him Andover isn’t the be all end all, it’s just one good school among many. You’ll need to remind him no one can use an acceptance from any school as a measure of self worth. But if it’s still his goal, he should pursue his dream. No one should try to take it away.</p>
<p>Timmy2000, you keep writing of your son’s “failure” to gain admission to Andover. That isn’t a failure. Not achieving a goal one sets for oneself does not mean that more effort will improve the outcome. </p>
<p>I would expect the family connection to have meant (presumably) that your son’s application was read by people who know your older son as well. It would be more productive to ask the admissions officers at Andover whether your son’s chances of gaining admission would be better next year, than to try to debate the point with an internet message board.</p>
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<p>If they ask for information, a courteous applicant would answer the question. Not answering such a question could backfire, as it could lead to the impression that there might be something to hide.</p>
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<p>The ADCOM would very likely stand to benefit from tuition remission. It would be entirely logical to ask why someone whose child could attend a good school for free would be willing to pay tuition at a different school. That could lead to all sorts of rumors about his school circulating–which, as an ADCOM, would be the last thing he’d want to do.</p>
<p>OK, I am taking that you don’t have the same perception of the relationship between applicant and boarding school that most of us have.</p>
<p>For the old-timers out there, this reminds me of the poster Jonathan1 from 3-4 years ago. Dead serious about going to a top program. Got the rejection letter the first year and was surprised and spent the entire next year playing Don Quixote applying again while attending another school that he was accepted to. Didn’t get any further the next year and as I remember left the forum even more disappointed.</p>
<p>For the most part, I’m pressed to find an applicant around here who was rejected/waitlisted one year who was accepted to a school the next. I’ve been here 4 years.</p>
<p>While it is normal to grieve over a significant setback for a while, it is not healthy to encourage them to hold out for a second chance at these low-odds endeavors. </p>
<p>It is fine for him to think that Andover made a mistake. It is not fine for him to expect them to correct that mistake next year.</p>
<p>He needs to accept that others (i.e. Andover) don’t see him the same way he sees himself and that he is not necessarily in significant control of how others see you, only how he presents himself.</p>
<p>He needs to accept that this was a failure not of him as a person but of his expectations of the world. You are never a failure if you give you whole effort. However, you can fail to understand that some things aren’t meant to be. And as parents we must help our children understand these things.</p>
<p>You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.</p>
<p>And BTW, as far as siblings go, most schools (can’t speak for Andover specifically) will give a small preference to suitable siblings who attend at the same time ( a year or 2 apart in grade) because they know that can help both children, but beyond that, sibling is not a legacy help in admissions.</p>
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<p>I think the statement above is the cause of contention. </p>
<p>You see, I don’t think not getting into Andover is coming up short. </p>
<p>Please tell your son that his not being accepted does not mean that he wasn’t good enough or that something could have been “better.” The decision may not have anything to do with qualifications or even personality or that elusive “fit.” Who really knows how they pick the kids from among the so many wonderful applicants? Sometimes, I think there is a certain amount of luck.</p>
<p>I certainly understand persistance that borders on pyschosis! 
I’m prone to it myself! However, Andover (or any school) is not just a mountain to be climbed to add to one’s list of accomplishments (and I’m not accusing your son of thinking this way). I am sure that your family is grateful for the opportunity that your son was given. And I am happy for you for that. </p>
<p>I confess to having spent some time trying to analyze my own sons results this year. I didn’t get very far. Ultimately, I abandoned the endeavor simply because even if I did “figure it all out,” it wasn’t going to change anything or even be of use in my daughter’s journey next year. She’s a different person, after all. It passes a lot of time to try to read the mind of the Adcom, but it is really an exercise in futility. :)</p>
<p>My son was WLed at one and rejected at another school that he liked better than the one he will be attending in the fall. I know that it does bother him a little bit. I can give him that. But I would not entertain for a moment the idea of planning to reapply to either of those two schools.</p>
<p>See, this is why neato is CC Mother of the Year. She figures out the cause of the problem, puts some iodine on it, tells the lad not to worry about that little cut anymore, gives the child a hug, and tells him to run along and go play with the kids in the neighborhood. So, let’s listen to Mom and move on.</p>
<p>Thanks, Mom.</p>
<p>“For the most part, I’m pressed to find an applicant around here who was rejected/waitlisted one year who was accepted to a school the next. I’ve been here 4 years.”</p>
<p>@goaliedad: I got rejected/waitlisted from all of the schools I applied to this year and was thinking about applying to some of the same schools + some lower tiered schools, next year. Do you think I would be wasting my time if I applied again since you said that not many people get accepted the second time around?</p>
<p>My son was WLed at Groton two years in a row. (for 8th and 9th grade) I guess it’s just not the school for him.</p>
<p>Someone here got into Lville the second time.</p>
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<p>Unless you have a significant change in your qualifications or you move off the FA requirement (for need sensitive schools), you results are likely to be the same. </p>
<p>Given that you did not get accepted or enough FA to attend this year (sorry I didn’t check your posting history here), it is perfectly OK to apply to the same schools next year realizing that they are a real long shot (even more than this year). Look at those schools as big reaches (kind of like playing the lottery). Having a different (and less selective) set of schools on next year’s list is a good strategy and in your best interest if you truly would benefit from a boarding school experience.</p>
<p>Timmy’s son got admitted to a school that is not significantly different from Andover as to its ability to prepare him for any college on the planet. It would be difficult for him to explain the “upgrade” except to say that it is about the school name. It is difficult for a freshman to demonstrate in the first 3 months that s/he has outgrown a St. Grottlesex school or that it is really a poor fit. Some might consider this trophy hunting.</p>
<p>I think someone once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” If nothing changes about you as an applicant, expecting different results is crazy.</p>
<p>And some might consider it a downgrade.</p>
<p>One other thing that I think has not come up:</p>
<p>Let’s say son does go to St. Grottlesex and applies to Andover next year. He has to ask his teachers and the counseling office at Grottlesex for recs. He gets waitlisted at Andover again.</p>
<p>Generous FA is a gift from the school, and while schools do say they’ll continue to support students, FA needs are reassessed each year. While I’m not suggesting that any bs is vindictive, what if they decide that because this kid doesn’t really want to be at their school, they’ll put some of that FA elsewhere? Meet your need but not quite so generously?</p>
<p>(As an aside…Maybe they gave him generous FA not to “tempt” him away from a “better” school but because they saw that he belonged at Grottlesex and did their best to make it possible for you to send him there.) </p>
<p>At the very least…walk him through the future scenario of having to ask all these people for recs. and having to explain to friends, advisors, etc. why he’s applying to Andover. </p>
<p>Like Neato’s son, mine was also waitlisted twice at Groton. Just sayin’…</p>
<p>I know this is all probably seeming overpoweringly negative. It’s hard though, when many of us have seen so many kid on these boards who didn’t get in anywhere or didn’t get any FA who would give anything to be in your son’s shoes.</p>
<p>My D was rejected by Andover one year (for 10th grade), and accepted the next year (for 11th grade). What really surprised me – the fact that there were no major differences in her applications between these two years. But she was formally an international student, and as far as I know Andover very often accepts internationals only for a year or two, so maybe our case is not very representative.</p>
<p>On a personal advice note: just support your son at this point. I would not tell him that he has to “learn his lessons” etc. Instead I would say something like “I know you are a great boy; and as long as you will be honest with yourself and work with your heart, I’m sure that you will do great, and I’ll support you with any decision. None of these schools is “to get in or die” for sure”. </p>
<p>And if he decides to stay at home for next year and then reapply again – make sure that he lives full life, and not only anticipates that reapplication again. Maybe even discuss with him the possible scenarios right now– what if he is rejected again. </p>
<p>Finally, I would think that two options are: go to a BS that accepted him and forget about Andover (like “do your best, treat them like your family”), or stay at home and reapply (very risky, but if this is what he really wants – he can try). Reapplying from that new BS – is the worst since mentally he will be “divided”, and chances to get to Andover from another BS will be very low - just my opinion, no any data though.</p>