<p>If Timmy’s son tells Andover that he loves their art (or some other) program that his current school doesn’t have or isn’t the best one, then it will be considered a fit based transfer.</p>
<p>I have to confess that I’m scratching my head a bit about all the drama over Andover. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fabulous school - one of “the great boarding schools.” But c’mon, is it worth all this angst? I just don’t get it. Again, it’s a great school, but is it really that much better than Exeter or SPS or DA or fill-in-the-blank? I just don’t see such angst coming from students who were denied at those places. What is it that I’m missing? What is it about Andover that sends parents and their kids into such a tizzy? </p>
<p>I’ve visited the school, my son interviewed there and I have nothing whatsoever negative to say about the school even though my son was not admitted. What makes me different? Why is our family willing to embrace the opportunities that my son has been so generously given and others cannot? I’m not judging, just trying to understand what I missed about Andover that would give some the “Andover or Bust” mentality. Did our tour guide skip the “Instant happiness and intellectual fulfillment center” on our tour? :)</p>
<p>neato, i don’t think it’s necessarily a question of whether it’s better, it’s probably a question of fit. apparently the kid was accepted at a st. grottlesex school, which really do tend to be quite different from andover or exeter although several are comparable academically to andover and exeter. i can see how someone could feel that andover is just a better fit than a st. grottlesex, can’t you?</p>
<p>Neato, I agree with you, but then Andover was my daughter’s second choice (she didn’t get into her first!). Another example of Andovermania is Adam Wheeler, who just got busted for faking his way into and through Harvard. The prep school history he invented for himself? Andover, natch.</p>
<p>Andover’s admit rate was 11% this year. We’re all free to think that Andover would be a better fit for our progeny, but Andover may not agree. It could not offer a spot to 89% of this year’s applicants. </p>
<p>Is it a wise move to allow the (currently perceived to be) perfect to be the enemy of the good?</p>
<p>I can see that it may be a better fit but for example if I was accepted at NMH with 90% aid and rejected at Choate, then I would definately attend NMH even though it may not be the school with the greatest fit and would forget about Choate. I think the op’s son should just be grateful he got into one school with FA and should try not to care about the schools that rejected him.</p>
<p>The way I look at it is that if it was such a great fit, the school would have agreed.</p>
<p>Periwinkle–In the multiple instances of transfers I was referring to, not necessarily FP.</p>
<p>Just in the interest of accuracy, isn’t Andover’s admit rate 14%?</p>
<p>JayPeeh, maybe I’m missing something, but it’s really hard for me to imagine a 13/14 year kid with such strong believes about his fit to a specific school… I’m just afraid that it’s not about that kid fit, but about parents’ fixation on a specific school.</p>
<p>The acceptance rate is really misleading. For instance we were told that the admittance rate for 9th grade girls at Deerfield this past round was 11%. You have to look at 9th vs. 10th and boys vs. girls. I woud wonder if there are more girls applying and in general if the acceptance rate for 9th grade girls is lower than the stated acceptance rate at ea school.</p>
<p>And in regard to those who keep wanting to blame the poor parents for a student’s desire to attend their first choice, please give it a rest.</p>
<p>For better or worst, Andover has the reputation of being the Harvard of elite prep schools, and no not by me but by many. It’s possible that all these prep school and various other listings keep listing it as #1. And although you’ll find many who would want to attend Yale or UMass over Harvard, if you take a poll, the majority would still likely choose Harvard.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, red…green, I just have not realized how poor the poor parents are.</p>
<p>Or if you don’t like the Stones, how about Hawthorne?</p>
<p>“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”</p>
<p>My son didn’t even apply to Andover. Nothing against it–Exeter just appealed to him and Andover didn’t… so I confess I don’t get the Andover number 1 thing at all. Are we really trying to meaningfully rank schools of this caliber from 1 to 10? Is it about going to a school because others see it as number one? That seems the antithesis of finding the school that’s the right fit for a particular kid. </p>
<p>But then, I’m not a big fan of Harvard, either; never could stand the way people who graduate from Harvard will never say its name (“Where’d you go to school” “In Cambridge”) What’s up with that? ;)</p>
<p>neato, like love, “fit” is in the eye of the beholder. two beholders = two ideas of fit.</p>
<p>mashaa, perhaps you’re right about the parents in this case, but i’m familiar with several 14/15 year old kids who’ve had very strong ideas about the fit of different schools to them.</p>
<p>Remember, some feel very strongly that 13, 14 and 15 year olds who are BS material are driving their whole process (making airline reservations, booking their interviews, in addition to what most kids do such as pouring over view books, writing essays and asking teachers for recommendations). This means that ipso facto, they are in the drivers’ seats, and pursuing the right fit, not the “poor” parents driving the equation. You can’t have it both ways–those who want to blame parents for a kid continuing to pursue the school THEY want to attend.</p>
<p>Well if its the kid in the drivers seat then the parent should tell him he’s driving off the road.</p>
<p>As far as Andover being widely perceived as the very best of the best - well thats utter hogwash. I suspect some people believe this because we had a president in recent history who attended Andover. </p>
<p>People in the know rely on a different set of facts.</p>
<p>Lots of different ideas have been put out there by others. Bottom line, he is driven. How often do we not succeed at what we attempt? Do we give up? No, maybe that is my fault, but as a parent, I’ve always taught my children to stick with their goals, if they are worth anything, then they are worth fighting for. </p>
<p>Another motivation ( and not to be dismissed as trying to follow the older) is to have a lifelong connection with sibling. He and I have seen families where this connection is broken. My take is that this has had an impact of his development and he is looking forward at how he can maintain a tighter bond with his sibling.</p>
<p>The whole debate here is not about “giving up” a dream, but about situation when someone goes to school B (using generous FA) only to use that school as a step to get into his dream school A. This is just unethical. At least this is how some parents feel about this situation. And I suspect this is how some of your son’s new friends in school B will feel, and maybe even in school A. </p>
<p>I also have a very driven D who is very hard working and always knows what she wants (BTW, she was not rejected, but waitlisted by A in 10th grade; sorry for previous misstatement, just extra evidence that her parents were not involved in application/acceptance process at all). Typically, we allow our kids to make their own decisions (choosing classes, BS, summer programs and colleges), but in a situation like yours I would step in and say “You know what – you can fight for your dream and apply again next year – fine, or you can attend the school B, but I would not allow you to attend the school B and use their financial aid if you do not plan to stay in that school”. </p>
<p>You want your son to stick to his goals, but probably you also want him to be a nice and noble person.</p>
<p>so it seems money is the corrupting factor. If a student was full pay and didn’t like school A, it appears few people have a problem with his applying to school B looking for a better fit.<br>
What if he pays School A back the financial aid after he graduates college and has a job?
I don’t think money (or needing money) should be the deciding factor on whether timmy’s son stays at a school that’s not the best fit for him. In the end, I think the driving factor will ultimately be if school B accepts him insofaras whether or not he makes a switch.</p>
<p>That’s interesting–and yes, I suppose accepting the FA does make the ethics seem worse. But when I imagine the FP scenario, it still doesn’t sit right with me. As Mashaa says, stay home and reapply to Andover or whatever the dream school is–but boarding schools are building classes and community and to go not expecting to stay or putting the school on trial just doesn’t seem right, when there are so many students on the waiting list who would jump at the chance to go to the school. </p>
<p>Bottom line, it’s still a gift to be accepted at a St. Grottlesex school or a HADES school, whether or not you’re given money. It just seems off to not graciously accept what you’ve been given, when so many others have been given nothing at all. </p>
<p>I hear what you’re saying, Timmy, about the desire for a connection to his brother. But I don’t quite get it since the brother won’t be there when he is (right?). Surely they have other things in common (parents, home, cousins, etc.)–not sure why they’d need the same school, except in a kind of “old boy network” kind of way. They’d both have a very similar bs in their backgrounds and talking about the differences would be fun–it’s hard to not see this as the younger kid wanting to keep up with the older. </p>
<p>And yes–encouraging the pursuit of goals is our job as parents, but so is helping them clarify and sometimes redirect those goals. To echo Mashaa again, are the goals helping to make the kid a “nice and noble” person?</p>