<p>Back to the original topic, what if he goes to the school for freshman year, and then re-evaluates sophomore year. If he thinks he really belongs at Andover, he can apply as a repeat Lower or new Upper. Then the schools would know that he gave his school a chance, but still things he would be better at Andover.</p>
<p>Would the school be ok with this, do you think? Or would it still seem entitled?</p>
<p>Rushandcrush: point taken</p>
<p>wickedcrazy; Here’s the issue as I see it. Because FA at private schools is largely grant-based, a school that accepts a student with significant FA has invested financially, physically, and (through the course of the year) emotionally in that child. Can the kid leave? Of course–but it seems…I don’t know…bad manners to put it mildly.</p>
<p>Here’s a scenario playing out in my mind. </p>
<p>“Thanks for the gift and all, Grandma, but really it’s not what I wanted. Grandma Ann is kind of a cooler grandma than you (sorry…but everyone thinks so), and she can give me what I really want, but this year she wouldn’t give it to me for some reason. I don’t get why-- it just wasn’t fair–she gave one to Jan, and what’s so special about her? Anyway, Grandma, would you mind writing Grandma ann and telling her that I really deserve that present next year? You can give what you gave me to Tom–I bet he’d like it–no offense to him, but he’s not quite as cool as me. Oh, I guess, except if Grandma Ann still says no–then I’ll keep it, so maybe don’t give it to him yet. Thanks Grandma.” </p>
<p>We’d all be appalled, right? So we’re talking schools, not grandmas here; are the ethics really that different?</p>
<p>What if Timmy’s s/d doesn’t really like the school after going there? Then will the grandma say don’t look for other grandmas, I’ll learn to cook up better chicken soup, Just wait! :D</p>
<p>I think if School A is not a good fit, you shouldn’t stick with it no matter how much FA they are giving you. You owe it to yourself to find where you are most comfortable and can learn best. You run the risk of School B not accepting you and not being as generous with FA, but hey, them’s the brakes. It’s a real world and making a move truly has risks and rewards, but to stay at school you’re unhappy with, yikes!..life is too short.</p>
<p>I agree with that, actually, RBGG. What I’m wondering about is whether one should accept a gift with the foreknowledge that that school is “second-rate” in one’s mind and that one plans to apply elsewhere the next year. That’s different from going to a school in good faith, expecting it to be a good fit, and then finding out it’s not.</p>
<p>Wickedcrazy’s modification is more acceptable in my mind, because the student is at least giving the school a chance. Still…the idea of putting the school on trial in that way bothers me. FA is a gift, not a given or one’s right–and I think we parents/student should think about what it means to accept a gift, and simultaneously plan to ask the school to help us get a "better’ gift. </p>
<p>We have some personal experience with this, as son was accepted with FA to two schools. We found it very difficult even turning down the second school, since we recognized that their FA offer “cost” them much more than it cost the first school because their resources were scarcer–it was a real compliment to our son and was hard to say thanks, but no thanks, even though I know that’s an inevitable part of the process. I coudn’t imagine sending my son to that school (as we would have if he hadn’t been accepted by his first choice), then having him turn around and say, in effect, “You know, your school really isn’t good enough for the likes of me. How about helping me get where I really deserve to be?”</p>
<p>But is it necessarily that he’s saying the school is “better” or “not good enough?” If he waits a whole year, gives the school a full chance, and still realizes that he himself is a better fit for a different school, what is wrong with that? He would be being very grateful to the school for the FA and putting his whole heart into giving it a chance, but if he found that he is not as happy there as he could be somewhere else, where is the harm in trying? </p>
<p>I definitely understand what you are saying, classicalmama, just do you think that maybe they would interpret it in a less offended way?</p>
<p>Wicked: Your thought that he give it a full year before reconsidering is certainly a better alternative and a thoughtful approach to the problem. And of course they might be less offended than I’m projecting here…I’m sure he wouldn’t be the first kid to do it. </p>
<p>Again, though, the problem seems to me to be going IN to a boarding school knowing that you’re planning to apply again. And I’m curious to know what you think…having the mindset that you’re willing to “try out” the school, are you less likely to find happiness there?</p>
<p>C’mama, I think you are right. You may be predisposed to not liking the school. Even if Timmy’s son leaves for fit reasons or whatever, the school will be fine as the schools admit students for the 10th/11th grades and there will be a lot of FA takers waiting in line.</p>
<p>Fit smit. </p>
<p>Kid was accepted to a top level school, a St. Grottlesex school, and with FA. If this isn’t good enough then don’t send him and apply next year to the school he perceives as better. Which is nonsense anyway. </p>
<p>Classicmama’s Grandma analogy is just too funny, but spot on.</p>
<p>BS reject applicants. Applicants can reject BS. What’s wrong with this? 
</p>
<p>Yeah, the “try it out for a year” solution sound wonderful in theory, but if he comes in as a 9th grader, he would have to ask for rec’s from the teachers in December before break (since most winter break’s end around Jan 4th and the app’s are due Jan 15, 2011). That means he would have only “tried it out” for three months. If he waits the whole year, then he would miss the jan 15, 2011 app deadline and would be applying in the fall of 2011 as 10th grader for 11th grade entrance. That is a hard year to get accepted for anyone since most schools don’t take very many students junior year. Of course, Andover is a large school so they may take a bunch of 10th graders, I have no idea. Just throwing the timeline out there.</p>
<p>24 hours can seem like an eternity sometimes, now take 24 h/day (boarders) x 30 days a month x 3 months (Sept, Oct & Nov)…that’s enough time to try out a school and know whether you’re happy! You don’t need a whole year to know if you’re miserable. Lots of businesses make business decisions on a quarterly basis…you have one bad quarter, trend is downward, you don’t wait for a second bad quarter…you make a change.</p>
<p>Okay, what about waiting a whole year and then applying the fall of your sophomore year? You could reply as a repeat 10th grader or new 11th.</p>
<p>I still think he should be able to apply next year. If he gets in and loves the school he’s at, he can always turn Andover down.</p>
<p>Thats only assuming he gets into Andover, a school which can not possibly accept every qualified star pupil that completes an application.</p>
<p>And why the OP and son seem to think Andover is the highest prize here gets me. Sure its a great school, but the best?? Come on. The whole idea just smacks of the worst kind of misguided elitism. All while asking for FA. </p>
<p>Sorry.</p>
<p>Funny…I was just having a conversation with a friend from church who went to boarding school back in the Dark Ages. He said he came home at Thanksgiving insisting he’d had enough…his parents persuaded him to stick it out, and by Christmas he says you’d have had to pry him out of there.</p>
<p>So what I’m hearing from him (as well as others on this board) is that one term may not be enough when it comes to such a big life change. One year may not be enough even, if the whole time you’re testing the school to see if it’s the right “fit.” Again, different from jumping in wholeheartedly then finding it’s not working out.</p>
<p>If I was the Andover admission’s committee, I’d wrinkle my nose at the whole situation. The only way I would consider it is if Andover offered an EC or something the other school lacked that was an interest and a passion of the student.</p>
<p><<so what=“” i’m=“” hearing=“” from=“” him=“” (as=“” well=“” as=“” others=“” on=“” this=“” board)=“” is=“” that=“” one=“” term=“” may=“” not=“” be=“” enough=“” when=“” it=“” comes=“” to=“” such=“” a=“” big=“” life=“” change.=“”>></so></p>
<p>Well, that’s where ‘you can’t get what you want right away’ comes in. There’s a cycle to boarding school admissions. So say, after the first quarter, you think you want out and you’re ready to make a move. You apply… By the time, March 10 rolls around, you have almost the full year under your belt at school A, and by Apr 10, you have nearly the full year to decide and make up your mind if you’re lucky enough to get another offer at a top tier BS. Maybe by then, you’ve actually fallen in love with school A,the school that fell in love with you and you decide to stay put with a few dozen mea culpas to School A, and then again, maybe you didn’t and this way, you don’t have to waste time…you may have secured another offer,</p>
<p>There are times when one must turn to art for inspiration.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And then, there’s always folk wisdom, i.e., “A bird in the hand beats two in the bush.”</p>
<p>If the OP is so set upon Andover, then the best course of action would be to turn down the very generous offer from St. Grottlesex, perhaps with the excuse that the parents have decided the son needs another year at home. I think his chances of winning a place at Andover eventually would be much higher from his local public school or day school than from St. Grottlesex. </p>
<p>If schools were in the habit of poaching from other peer schools, surely someone would have examples of the same. I have the impression that the schools’ staffs are…competitive but collegial with each other. No one would want to unleash a wave of poaching others’ FA students.</p>
<p>Your logic around “poaching” etc would have me believe what you say too, however, a family I have been speaking with who have children in a prestigious BS has convinced me that they do and may actually prefer kids who transfer from anothe BS because they are “sure things” because they have had one year of rigorous academics from a “known” school and one year of independent living. If anyone has the opposite first-hand experience (vs. conjecture), please share…</p>
<p>Redbluegoldgreen, are the family a full-pay family? I have heard of students transferring from one boarding school to another, but the anecdotes usually involve students who are full-pay, and moving to more competitive boarding schools. Sometimes, it seems family connections will come into play. I haven’t heard of a FA student transferring from a top school to a peer school after the first year, with financial aid. It could have happened–I’m not an expert.</p>
<p>Some of the transfers seem to have come in truly difficult situations, such as bullying or emerging illnesses. In those cases, allowing a transfer is an act of mercy which allows a deserving student to continue her education, despite a difficult start. Would “It’s always been my dream to attend Andover” qualify, though?</p>