<p>Make him get the estimates and try to come up with the money to pay. If he decides he needs to file with insurance, he may chose to just file and not mention she was driving. Call and check for yourself, it will not matter who was driving. And the fact that he was drunk only mattered if the police arrested him while he was driving. What I am saying is, IF she were driving, it would still go on whatever insurance insures the car. Car insurance is on a car, not a driver. It goes against whoever owns the car and insurance, not against a driver who was loaned the car. He should not try to add in extra details that were not pertinent, even if they are pertinent to how you deal with him. He can say she was driving. He does not need to add in that he was drunk. The fact that a passenger was drunk does not play in to an insurance claim. However, if he is lying about her driving, he likely will get caught. Once he says she was driving, the insurance will want a statement from her. If she says she was not driving, then they will go back to him on insurance fraud. He can admit to driving without admitting to being drunk.</p>
<p>On that note, how you handle the parenting is completely different from how you handle the insurance. IF it were my son, he would be getting a very serious lesson. I have had friends who lost their children to drunk drivers. It is the worst thing that can ever happen. Think of losing your own small children to some drunk idiot who felt their party was more important than the life of your child, or anyone else on the road. I have grown to feel that all drunk drivers should be persecuted under attempted murder and attempt to cause great bodily harm.</p>
<p>I would force him to read the stories of people who lost their loved ones to drunk drivers. I would also see if I could arrange for him to speak to someone who lost their loved ones. He needs to see how much he could destroy the lives of so many, and what destroy their lives really means. I would also be taking away the car for the next few years, until he has real need. Going out with friends is not a real need. Is he under 21 too? If so, there would be additional consequences. And if he does not like these consequences, he can figure out how to pay all his own bills, including college tuition. Because getting a degree is such a small thing in the grand scheme of who could have died or ended up with their bodies ripped up last night. </p>
<p>And I doubt there was any learning experience here. You need to make sure you teach him a lesson. He NEEDS to learn that way more could have happened. And he needs consequences. If you bail him out, he will become nothing more than the next “victim of affluenza” aka…spoiled brat out there to kill people and does not care and will never pay. Google drunk driver and affluenza and you will see what I am talking about.</p>
<p>“Even when you hit another car, if the damage is minimal and info is exchanged, you do not have to call the police unless someone is injured (in many/most states).”</p>
<p>My son was driving my car when it was rear ended. No police were called. The women had been rushing to get to her house because her child had threatened to harm herself. She just gave her phone number to my son and dashed off. Her H called me later that evening apologizing (kid was OK.) They reported it to their insurance company. I got an estimate for the damage and insurance co gave me a check. </p>
<p>And about my college junior, I KNOW my college freshman has gone out drinking. BUT, he did not drive. And I drank a lot in college, but have never in my life done drunk driving. Nor have I ever run from an accident, which is what he did. He needs to show you where the accident happened because he is responsible for the damages there too. Also, I have made both of my college bound kids (one in college now, the other about to go) look at the pictures of the children I know who died. I have shown them articles through the years. I make sure they know what could happen and how bad it can be. And they have not even done this. IF they did this, they know they would not be welcome back in my home. I am not telling you to do that, because I am assuming you never gave him a good thorough education on the consequences of drunk driving. But my children know all this. And I think your son should too. He committed a crime when he left the site of the accident. So you do need to go back there and see if there are damages.</p>
<p>"@lmkh “IF they did this, they know they would not be welcome back in my home.”</p>
<p>Really? So where do you suppose they will go? It is easy to make a statement like that until you are actually in the situation. Drinking and driving is a serious matter and needs to be dealt with in a very serious way. But honestly, I can not really think of too many situations where I would tell one of my children that they are not welcome in their home. That’s what family is for, to help them deal with their mistakes and get them through the tough times.</p>
<p>Agree with jym, it is a whole different matter with the police involved. It is imperative that your son tell you the truth and the name of this girl. I think you better contact an attorney ASAP.</p>
<p>Aw, gee. My D1 was designated driver (someone else’s car) and caused some damage.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be afraid of the insurer or the police. A huge part of how this is handled depends on if your state is no-fault, how it assigns points, etc. Insurance can generally follow the car, but see how your state does it.</p>
<p>We had no $ premium increase, nor did the owners of the car (their insurance paid for repairs, the car is registered in a no fault state.)</p>
<p>The police (and insurers) are most concerned about personal injury. In that case you call immediately. Otherwise, I think it’s a 24 hour rule-- again, you check YOUR state. And different things apply if the accident is on private property versus in a public street.</p>
<p>Find the truth, deal with this like reasonable people. </p>
<p>Did you have a prior issue with your son’s driving decisions, someone leaving the scene? Sorry if that was someone else.</p>
I don’t believe that is correct, though it probably depends. If he admits to drinking and driving then he can probably be charged. A neighbor’s son , when under 21, had a girl over and they both had something to drink. He then drove her home and drove himself home. Her dad caught wind of it and called the cops, who showed up at his door later that day. They did not catch him drinking and driving, and hours had gone by before the cops showed up at his house. The result was the same.</p>
<p>"@njfootball – So glad your son was unharmed. I agree with other posters, it’s time to call your attorney and let him or her sort this out with your son."</p>
<p>And, won’t an atty tell him to “say nothing”??</p>
<p>With the police involved it is important the story he tells them is honest and coherent. If there is something incriminating which would get him into trouble (hit and run) a consultation with an attorney would be advisable.</p>
<p>Also, he does need to get his story straight if you feel the police are going to be following up on this. In a lot of states, lying to the police is an offense, usually prosecuted under “obstructing an investigation.” So yeah, he needs to be forthcoming if and when law enforcement comes back for more info.</p>
<p>NJfootballmom, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I have no additional advice, just want to let you know that I have imagined myself where you are many times. So far, I don’t know if DS has driven drunk, but I am grateful he has a job in a city and has no car. I sleep much better. </p>
<p>I know for a fact that there is no obligation to report a fender bender where no one is hurt in CT and also in Maine.</p>
<p>Someone knocked off my side view mirror in a parking lot a year ago. I didn’t report it to the police. I just paid to get it fixed, since the amount would have been way under the collision deductible. (Do you even HAVE collision on a 10-yr old truck?) A couple of years before that, someone rear-ended me at a stop sign. We exchanged info and went our separate ways. Our insurance company paid up without a peep.</p>
<p>Surely people are not suggesting that your S should tell the police he had been drinking? That’s insane. The reality is that this is all so minor that the police should not even be looking into it, and wouldn’t be if a ticked-off neighbor hadn’t called them. (I don’t blame the neighbor, since as Ema pointed out they might have thought that these most likely drunk people were going to potentially harm someone else.) The best thing to say to the police is as little as possible. Even if they track down people at whatever place the kids were coming from who say they were drinking, they can’t prove your S was drunk without a blood test. Go ahead and consult a lawyer. I bet they will tell you to say nothing.</p>
<p>Of course, it is also true that it is incredibly fortunate that no one was hurt, and that drunk driving is simply not defensible and must be taken very seriously. You definitely need to find out what really happened. If he is telling the truth, it is good that he did not take the wheel, but the responsibility for repairing the car and the lawn is still his. If he’s lying, then I’d start by denying him any access to a vehicle. That is, after HE pays to get the car and the lawn fixed. I think you can make him take this very seriously without throwing him or the girl under the bus.</p>
<p>No, what he needs to do is say nothing when the police come back for more info! He is under no obligation to say anything and, in these circumstances, shouldn’t.</p>