<p>OMG (as the kids say), dstark! Too funny!</p>
<p>When I first posted I had hoped to hear from parents who had gone through the same situation and could give me some advice, not parents of straight kids. One month ago i would have responded by saying that I wouldn’t mind if my kids were gay. A close girlfriend of 25 years is gay. No problem. It is different when it really happens with one of your children and it comes out of left field. Thanks to the few of you who actually made an attempt to understand my feelings and not criticize or make fun. I had turned to this forum because I had no one else to talk to. i was looking for help.</p>
<p>J&MsMOM: Because this was your first post, and because days went by without you updating or checking in, some parents assumed this might be a prank post. And then it went off track. Sorry. Maybe now that you have come back, you will be taken seriously and will get more help. I haven’t been there, so I can’t help.</p>
<p>J&msmom,
For the help and support that you want, Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (PFLAG) is the place to go to, far better than CC, where relatively few parents have been in your situation: [PFLAG:</a> Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays](<a href=“http://community.pflag.org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page.aspx?pid=209&srcid=194]PFLAG:”>http://community.pflag.org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page.aspx?pid=209&srcid=194)</p>
<p>PFLAG is definitely the place to go to find support, advice, and other parents who have been through similar situations.</p>
<p>That organization is really adored by a lot of gay kids (and adults)–in part, I think, because so few of us have parents who would go to such a group. </p>
<p>I suggest you talk to your son. It’s normal and quite customary for kids to “come out” to their parents after coming out to friends and siblings, but since he’s an adult and you already know about the boyfriend, there’s no harm in bringing it up yourself. You may want to give him a head’s up first, maybe send him a quick email saying you heard he had a boyfriend and would he like to set up a phone date to talk? As others have said, your son is 21, and if he’s dating a man, he’s almost certainly interested in men. Some college-aged girls date women briefly before returning to men, but men almost never “experiment” with dating men. If he’s dating a man at this point, you can safely believe that he likes men and is probably gay. It is not your place to question his sexual orientation. If you doubt that he is gay, you should keep that thought to yourself. You should also ask yourself why he’d be in a relationship with a man, presumably in a happy and healthy relationship with a man, if he weren’t gay. </p>
<p>Gay people and straight people have pretty similar “lifestyles.” And by that, I mean, they have all sorts of lifestyles. Many gay people marry and raise children. Many gay people have healthy, happy, long-term relationships and choose not to raise children. Some gay people stay single, either by choice or for some other reason. Some gay people divorce or break up after long relationships; some are widows or widowers. Some gay people like to go to clubs and party, while others prefer to read, work, or play sports with friends. Straight people live all these same lifestyles and many more besides. The most major difference is that gay people are physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex. There’s not a single “lifestyle” that comes with being gay, just as there’s not a single lifestyle that comes with being straight.</p>
<p>As to the boyfriend talking to the little sister, would you feel just as nervous if your son had a girlfriend talking to her? Trust your son’s judgment to choose a boyfriend who is smart, caring, interesting, and finds it fun and cute to talk to his boyfriend’s baby sister. By the way, your daughter being “in touch” with the boyfriend probably means that they’ve IM’d while the brother was present and participating in the conversation.</p>
<p>corranged, it is wisdom such as yours that gives me hope for the future. You are a gem.</p>
<p>That’s very kind. Thank you, Alwaysamom.</p>
<p>J&msmom, you posted your question and then disappeared. There has been a LOT of empathetic and helpful advice posted here. Just because not every post was deadly serious does not negate the fact that there are pages of posts here of people trying to respond helpfully.</p>
<p>If you love your son, let him make his own decsion in life as long as he does not harm others. If he is happy being gay, support him. He came to you and told you that means he trust you and told you facts. If you will question his behavior, you may be alienating him. He is not doing any crime against anyone. So be there for him, being Gay is not the end of the world. Let him have a wonderful and productive life with his partner. </p>
<p>I am not gay and I am straight. I feel this is a personal decison which one has to make and we should not worry about anyones personal sexual orientation. We should lve and support our kids whatever they want to be as long as thier choices does not harm other humans.</p>
<p>I want to second what AlwaysAMom wrote. I have the utmost respect and admiration of the mature posts written by corranged. Her latest post on this thread is a prime example. It is such a wise post and I hope the OP reads it with care because it is written by a gay college student who surely has perspective on this issue. It is well written, so true, and very thoughtful.</p>