<p>I am not saying that I wouldn’t like to have grandkids- I would love it- I was so young when I had kids that I didn’t know anything! I also would like to be " helpful" as opposed to how my kids grandparents who were the opposite.</p>
<p>But when something doesn’t seem to be on the horizon, there isn’t any point in looking for it-
Plus I know so many parents who had kids at 40+, there is a lot of time.</p>
<p>I know this is a serious topic but I want to inject one bit of humor. Last week DS IMd me “I had a date with a man last night.” </p>
<p>I will totally confess that by all indications he is straight but my heart did beat fast for a minute. I IMd back “what??” </p>
<p>His reponse " His name was Johnny Walker Red." </p>
<p>What is interesting to me was my reaction. Intellectually I have no problem with gay people. I have friends, past employees, etc. who are gay. </p>
<p>Emotionally when I was thinking about my son, I did have a minute of “oh no…” I am trying not to judge myself for the reaction…</p>
<p>that reminds me of Adam Sandlers character * operaman* on SNL</p>
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<p>Glad Im a girl ;)</p>
<p>ebeeeee, that story is a scream. What you left out is the punch line - that you were relieved to find out that your son was out getting drunk! Drunk is fine, so long as he’s not GAY.</p>
<p>That’s very funny ebeeeee! Here’s my secret confession: when my son was tiny, I told hubby that I hoped he would be gay so I’d have three sons-in-law and no daughters-in-law. (My sisters-in-law are among the most disturbed, vicious, hateful, evil people I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet, so that’s where I’m coming from on that!).</p>
<p>Emerald, I just became a great aunt again. Great Aunting is magical, also! I have these luscious babies to spoil and pamper. Oh pure bliss!</p>
<p>Zoosermom, so that would make you Diane Keaton in the movie version? I can see it now…</p>
<p>Coming in late.</p>
<p>I named my wonderful son after my best friend, a gay man. I thought he’d never have children, he had a very accepted name I’d always liked and I wanted to honor him.</p>
<p>He is also a concert pianist. My darling son grew into a musician and dear friend said, “since he takes after me, what if he’s gay?” I said, “Then he’s gay.”</p>
<p>He isn’t gay, but I would have been fine if he had been. Of course it’s unsettling to read, “I had a date with a man last night,” about our sons, even if we are accepting. It’s unfamiliar territory and it reminds us that our children are sexual beings. Somehow heterosexual dating is more expected so it doesn’t highlight the sexuality as much.</p>
<p>Being “gay” is just a sexual preference. There are effeminate and ultra-metro straight men and very masculine gay men. It’s one of many aspects of a person’s identity, but by no means the only one.</p>
<p>I would be fine if my daughter were gay too.</p>
<p>I teach in a department with gay and transgendered people. I love it because it’s such an accepting and open environment that I feel perfectly accepted.</p>
<p>Oh. I would also feel okay if neither of my kids had children, though they both say they want them. I adore them. I have loved them the way some people love their grandchildren (doted on them, I guess, and they were born when I was 36 and 38 – so I could have been their grandma) so I feel fulfilled. Now it’s up to them.</p>
<p>To the OP: It’s an understandable reaction to think that a second party “seduced” your son but not very modern. Give him credit for knowing what he’s doing and knowing himself. He’ll be so grateful.</p>
<p>mythmom, well said. That really helps me understand why I had that reaction. I’m glad I didn’t get flamed for my post because I really do understand that this is a difficult issue and I was surprised by my own reaction to it…</p>
<p>mythmom-I love your last bit there. We do need to give our kids credit for knowing what they are doing even if we don’t always agree 100 percent with the direction they go in.</p>
<p>I’d be fine with either of my daughters dating a woman. Now dating a fundamentalist (of any stripe), that would push my buttons, and I’d have to gulp real hard, keep my mouth shut, hope that it is just a phase, and ask myself if it had something to do with what they ate when they were five. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Heh, I admit that during a conversation with my daughters about gays and bisexuals (prompted by the coming out of a friend of theirs), I blurted out, “You know, if you were bisexual it would double your available dating pool!”</p>
<p>In some circles, I am known as Foot-in-her-Mouth Mom. :D</p>
<p>I think a negative reaction in some cases is prompted by a fear of unsafe sex practices. A pregnancy is one thing; AIDS is quite another.</p>
<p>So much judgment.</p>
<p>First, as a mother talking to her adult son, say what you feel. </p>
<p>Do NOT take the common advice that you should stay out of your son’s life. He’s an adult and you are an adult. Both with feelings and fears. You once changed his diapers.</p>
<p>Better to be open and honest than to pretend and manipulate: it is both insincere and deceitful and anyone with any wit can see through it. It will complicate not simplify. </p>
<p>That is not to say that you should accuse, attack, condemn or even ignore the sensitivities. You’re the mom and he the son and both must act on who and what you are. But you should be open and honest. Both should.</p>
<p>Zoosermom mentions a desire for grandchildren and the PC ideologues screech:</p>
<p>It is natural for many of us to desire grandchildren and feel disappointment if they are a dream that dies. I am sure that in most cases the gay son/daughter has already thought this through. He will have a bead on you, believe me. Still, he could have children even living in a gay relationship if he chooses.</p>
<p>Mention it all to your son. Be vulnerable and reveal yourself to him as he will reveal himself to you. Let him know what you think, but do not expect anything in return. Both need to be open and in the end both need to accept the others feelings dreams and hopes in order to have a real rather than surreal relationship.</p>
<p>If your son is gay he will work it through his way, but it will not hurt to know that mom and dad love him as they always have. That can’t change. No matter what. Neither can the sincerity or honesty that comes with devotion and love.</p>
<p>More open, not less.</p>
<p>.</p>
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<p>I know many gay couples who have children. I’ve sort of come to assume that this generation of gay families likely will have children. Which is why I separate the two.</p>
<p>What happened to OP?</p>
<p>Not to hijack the thread, but I got stuck with the bf (college senior) and the 16-year-old sister in contact.</p>
<p>I don’t know exactly how to express the reasons but I would be uncomfortable with that scenario either straight or gay. I also have a college senior and college sophomore and a hs student. The bf/gf of the older kids are not in contact with the younger one - no animosity, just different ages/different interests. I would think it strange if the contact was more than the typical older sib present with bf/gf to visit. Not just bf or gf, but roomies and best friends don’t call and visit with younger d either - again, I think it would be somewhat “weird”.</p>
<p>dbwes, OP is IMing his teenage pals about all the gullible adults who took that first post seriously. Not that I’m cynical or anything…</p>
<p>Aww. WashDad and here I thought you were going to lend some smart, male perspective on this…(oh wait, maybe you did…)</p>
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Gotta look at that math again:</p>
<h1>Girls who date girls =/= # Boys who date girls</h1>
<p>Speaking from experience :)</p>
<p>Ebeeeee, any other reaction would be abnormal, in my opinion. I think it’s much easier for people to say they’d be perfectly fine if their kid came out to them when they’re far from the reality of the event. When put on the spot, your mind and reasoning aren’t controlling your gut, emotional reaction. Getting to real acceptance, even if you don’t really have a problem with gay people, can take some time.</p>
<p>Hey. At least the young man doesn’t prefer sheep.</p>
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<p>More like 1.1x the size of your regular dating pool…</p>