<p>My son is a senior at a state U, majoring mechanical engineering with a GPA around 3.0. After having fully supported him for 5+ years since his junior college, I told him to go independent next summer (2015). He has a couple of courses left and plenty of time to look for interns and potential jobs. But nothing has happened, not even a decent resume. He has never had any part time job his life either. I am very anxious about what would happen at the end of next semester? Is he still counting on my support after completing the degree? How could I make him more motivated for his future? Please advise!</p>
<p>Have you discussed your continuing support or lack of it with your son upon graduation?</p>
<p>We told our kids they could live at home, cost free, for six months while they looked for full time employment if they didn’t have it upon graduation. We made it very clear that we expected to see resumes, job applications, and taking A job while waiting for THE job.</p>
<p>If you don’t intend to support your kiddo after his graduation he needs to hear that now. He also needs to head over to the career center at his college. They will help him get that resume done.</p>
<p>And I would suggest he get a job of some sort ASAP. Any work history is better than NO work history. </p>
<p>Does your son actually believe you will cut him off after graduation? If you are the kind of mom that can’t say no, if you have given him everything he has ever wanted, if he has never had to work hard for anything in his life, if you have given him great amounts of money up til now, he may just assume that you won’t be able to stop when he graduates.</p>
<p>I’m not sure what will convince him that you are serious, but I suggest you take away some money or privilege that gets his attention. To get it back, he has to make an appointment at his career center, write up his resume, and show it to you. That’s at least getting him to take the first step.</p>
<p>If your son is not spoiled, and if he does believe you are serious about cutting him off, consider that he might be overwhelmed with the whole process of “getting a job.” Again, the career center and/or the counseling center can help him if he is depressed or feeling great anxiety about his upcoming graduation and all the adult responsibilities that are waiting for him.</p>
<p>Either way, he needs to find some internal motiviation, or you need to impress an external motivation on him that will sufficiently motivate him to start taking action.</p>
<p>And I second thumper’s idea about getting a job. Immediately. Has he not worked due to physical/mental issues, crowded schedule with sports and music activities, or did you not want him to work so he could focus on academics?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine what his resume is going to look like with no work experience. Again, he should be talking with the career center to find out about internships or job shadowing or networking with alumni. Anything to connect with people employed in the industry he wants to work in.</p>
<p>Stop enabling him. My neighborhood are full of princelings from China. The kids are spoiled period. American kids are more independent. If you are rich, most Chinese in neighborhood are rich but I did hear from a neighbor that the dad or uncle of the house behind her is sick of the partying so he finally kicked the kid out and put the house up for sale.</p>
<p>Reality is what will happen to your child after graduation, but only if you can stay strong and not give in. He will most likely be counting on your continued support, and he will act out, beg and plead, threaten to never speak to you again, etc. in order to get you to take care of him.</p>
<p>You need to decide if you really are strong enough to cut ties and let him find his own way. If he is capable of making it through college, he is capable of figuring out life on his own. </p>
<p>If you’ve been clear with him that he’s on his own after graduation…not in a joking way, but matter of fact, then hopefully he understands. We were very clear with our kids that they were on their own after graduation and so far the two older ones graduated and managed. Just to pound it home starting late fall of senior year I’d start asking them if they were formulating a plan for after graduation – and saving money from their part-time jobs ;-)</p>
<p>I think much has to do with all the years prior. Once our kids were teens, we expected them to work if they wanted ‘fun money" - anything above food, clothing and shelter…so they have always understood what we provide for as parents and what they are responsible for and they all held down a job of some sorts since age 16 and they worked for us between 13 and 16 for which we paid them minimum wage. They kept timesheets for us and we very much ran it like a business. We were very clear that $100,000+ was pretty much the end of the line as far as parental support. Most parents are not quite as forthright as we are, but both my H’s and my parents were "that’ forthright with us so we were simply reacting similar to our parents. Believe me if we had a kid that was truly jammed, truly in trouble we would welcome them home for a very short, very defined amount of time, but that need thankfully has not happened. </p>
<p>You need to point blank ASK your son what his vision is…what is he planning on doing. Speculating will get you no where fast. </p>
<p>I cannot comment on your family dynamics other than what you report, but it is rather surprising that he has never had even a part-time job…so that is a hurdle many, many kids passed years prior to graduating from college. So he may very well need a firm hand in the process akin to what you might do for a 15 or 16 year old looking for their first job - but hopefully you can do that from a distance. </p>
<p>IF my third ends up at home for some reason after he graduates with his engineering degree we would allow him to be home for less than a year but we would expect him to put at least 20 hours a week into job hunting and 20 hours minimum at some job. Finding a job is a job for a college graduate and our expectation would be that he put as much time into the job or finding a job as he would a paying job. I would tell him that in effect he is being paid because if he’s home he’s being “paid” with living rent free, food free, heat free, electric free and cable TV free. But i would probably never “have” to tell my kids this because if they end up at home…they know what to expect. </p>
<p>Wow, what a helpful forum! 2-3 hours after I posted my initial message, I got all these insightful feedbacks! Thank you folks for the advice! I hope it’s not too late to act out these ideas! Thanks again! </p>
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<p>Can you clarify. Have you been supporting him for the 5+ years since he was at a CC?? When did he graduate from high school? how old is he?</p>
<p>Are you the mom or dad? What is the other parent saying?</p>
<p>Are you giving him pocket money? If so, why? </p>
<p>I would cut him off now for things like pocket money. Do you pay for car, gas, and everything else? If so, stop paying for anything that isn’t a necessity.</p>
<p>ok…you posted this last January…so your son is now 26? or close to it? </p>
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<p>I provide him everything: tuition, books and other school supplies, gasoline and car maintenance, (he got a new car in first semester) room and board, clothes, plus $500 allowance.</p>
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<p>Can you clarify? You’ve been here since you were 16, but your son has only been here for 5 years?</p>
<p>$500 a month allowance in addition to room, board, gas, etc. Now we know why he doesn’t work! You need to pull the plug on the allowance and have him get any kind of job. </p>
<p>Thanks for the comments! He is 26. But I didn’t say I have been HERE since I was 16. At 16, I left my parents living on my own in China. But it is irrelevant to the discussion here. </p>
<p>26 may be too late to change habit. Not sure what to tell you.</p>
<p>My oldest graduated last May. She did not have a job until 2 days before graduation. We sat down with her and helped her draw up a budget, so she knew exactly how much she would need each month. We agreed to pay the deposit on her first apartment (as well as co-sign). So, far she is doing well. I have helped with a couple unexpected expenses (car-related), but otherwise she has been able to budget well. </p>
<p>I would advise having an honest discussion with S. Tell him that you expect him to get a full-time job by graduation and help him draw up a budget, so that he knows how much he needs to make. There is plenty of time to find a job, especially with an engineering major. He can also go and get support and resume help from the campus career office. My D received very good feedback from her campus office. </p>
<p>October is pretty early to be applying for a job next May or June unless he is applying to big company programs for new grads. My DD who graduated last May applied for the job she has now in January. They called her in March and said they were interested but not interviewing until April. If possible, he should get a part-time internship during his senior year. It will help get him some experience. He should also begin to engage in job searching activities like write a resume, go to job fairs, join linked in, go to interview practice sessions at the career center, etc.</p>
<p>I haven’t read thru all the responses, but would you really kick your kid out of the house after XXX months with no job? Please tell me exactly where they are supposed to go? To the mens shelter downtown with the homeless? There has to be some more reasonable answers to this. OP…if it were me and he’s not making an effort to find a job, I would consider cutting back on the luxuries you pay for him now. Start there. I’ve not been in your shoes so don’t know, but I highly doubt I’d kick my son out if he’s not selling drugs out of my house or something awful like that. </p>
<p>I didn’t have a job after I graduated, it took 8months while I lived at home and then I saved money for 6months after that before moving out. In some cultures it’s not unusual for kids to remain with the parents until they marry, but they do work and help financially.</p>
<p>Again, if you want him out, take away the allowance, phone, etc. good luck!</p>
<p>I have read that 82% of college grads are living at home. There is a book entitled “The Boomerang Generation” that details this phenomenon, which is global and not personal.</p>
<p>Supporting your son while he works toward long term independence is not an unwise approach. Too many kids have to work long hours for short term independence, thereby sabotaging their longer term financial autonomy. The goal, in my view, should not be immediate cash but a lifelong ability to be responsible for oneself. Sometimes that means NOT working during college.</p>
<p>However, summer internships or lesser internships during the school year can really help with career- or even internships after graduating. Alternatively, the career office may help. </p>
<p>The real problem is that a college degree no longer guarantees anything. Many young people I know who graduated are working in restaurants and living at home or packed in with other recent grads. It’s a harsh reality. I don’t think the OP should blame herself or her son as much as indicated in this thread.</p>
<p>He is doing well to graduate in a difficult subject while coping with a foreign language. Now he probably finds the job search process to be baffling and overwhelming. Just because he now speaks good conversational English doesn’t mean he is all that culturally familiar with applications, interviews and so on. I think he needs active help, not just deadlines that sound like threats.</p>
<p>There should not be a probelm finding engineering job at all.
But you have to be clear communication to him his situation over and over and over.
I have repeated this many times to my D. Her case is very different though, she has no choice in what she is planning to do, everybody is going thru certain process applying and then it is no in their hands.<br>
I do not know what else you can do but he has to start applying NOW. Even if he gets hired before graduation (highly doubt), he can continue taking classes while working (I do not thin it will happen). I myself got my first professional job after graduating from CC in July, I have sent the resurme for this job in February while still in school. I never know what may happen. In my case, the place changed managers and the new one just went trhu the applicants file, instead of starting from the beginning of the process. However, I was married and my H. was working.<br>
If he does not want to start sending a resume, he has to apply to places like McDonald, but good luck with this, imporssible to get any dirty job like this now. Also, I am surprised that he never worked. By graduation from college, almost everybody has worked and has some job hitory to show on resume. Both of mine have worked during HS and college for several years also.</p>
<p>Either he doesn’t believe you’ll cut him off or he’s in denial that you will. It’s still kind of early to apply for jobs, but definitely he should already be putting together a resume so that he has no ready. His school should have some kind of career center. Encourage him to go to job fairs and put his resume out there. Encourage him to get a part-time job in the meantime so that he at least has some savings when he graduates. He’s not going to become independent once he graduates if his job starts after graduation. He’s going to need money for an apartment and such things immediately. I’m moving next year so I took some part-time jobs so that I have money for an apartment deposit, furniture, school fees, and such things.</p>
<p>There are still 7 months until graduation. Right now, he can work on his resume, go to job fairs on campus, set up a profile on LinkedIn, start networking with friends, apply for summer internships, etc. He may just need help getting started. I wouldn’t give up on him just yet. Does he have a green card? If not, it might make things a little harder, but not insurmountable. </p>