<p>I moved to England when I was 21. Hitchhiked to Iran when I was 22, and visited wonderful Kabul! Hitchhiked back. Have been to India 10 or 11 times since, and around the world four times. I now spend lots of time in Africa (last time Ethiopia), with occasional side trips to Cambodia, though now that my d. is in Venice…</p>
<p>Instability keeps you on your toes. </p>
<p>My mother says it’s all because she let me go to school in Massachusetts. ;)</p>
<p>Sylvan, if you could add my D1 to your keep her in one piece, lord prayers, I would appreciate it. This one likes to jump out of airplanes and climb mountains. :eek:</p>
<p>OP, I will add myself to the “sounds exciting for somebody else’s kid” list on this thread. Philosophically I’m all “for it.” In practice, it makes me a nervous wreck.</p>
<p>He will probably come out of this a much better person than he would have been otherwise. Tell him to bring a journal and write it all down. He can write a book about it all when he’s Mini’s age. ;)</p>
<p>Or 11 books. ;)</p>
<p>Exactly…</p>
<p>“So what’s my biggest fear? That he’s been reading one too many anti this or that books about how as American we’re all going to ruin life as we know it if we keep on being gas guzzling energy wasters and so on and so forth.”</p>
<p>If that is your biggest fear, you must have a lot of confidence in his ability to manage his affairs. You don’t fear that he’s going to be caught with drugs in Thailand, catch HIV in South Africa, or get arrested as a spy when he goes hiking in Iran. It sounds like you mainly fear that he has come to disagree with you politically and philosophically. Your fear is probably justified, but if so, the adventure isn’t the problem. His staying stateside and working a corporate job would be very unlikely to bring him back into alignment with you.</p>
<p>“I have a poor starving artist. I don’t like it. I wish he were making a living wage. I wish he’d find some steady work.”</p>
<p>My younger d. has stead work - too much of it (60 hours a week), and makes way more than a living wage. She’s thinking about (and we are encouraging her to think about) trading it in for starving artist, though knowing her, she’ll be a wealthy one. </p>
<p>She’s done Corporate America for two years. I would think that’s enough for a lifetime, but kids make their own choices.</p>
<p>Well now, no one on his deathbed ever wishes that he had worked more hours, but I’d imagine plenty lament that they never took the time to travel and see the far horizons.</p>
<p>I’m in the “sounds great for your kid” camp. I’d be worried too. However he is an adult and it’s best to support him in his decisions. I’m just wondering what’s the rush? I would think it would be better to put a full year in this time before going off biking again. It would look better on his resume when he returns if he wants to get an engineering job. Plus he would be able to save up a lot more money for that trip of a lifetime.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yeah, don’t you just hate an idealist.</p>
<p>I see you do have a problem. He doesn’t sound much like an idealist who is going to go out and change the world, make it a better place…he sounds more like he’s spouting propaganda and complaining about other people. That is not so admirable, and I have no idea why people think this is so awesome. It’s one thing when you are going to put your heart into your work to improve what you can, and another thing when you decide to just withdraw from the working world and complain about everyone else who is doing it wrong. Time will tell which way he goes, and I hope he uses his considerable abilities to go in the first direction.</p>
<p>It would be less of a worry if he just took a break from work to explore and enjoy himself, but now that seems like the primary emphasis. I would be worried that his company wouldn’t hire him back and he may become unemployable. Maybe fine if you’re a trust fund baby, but most of us live in the real world and have responsibilities and ambitions. Who knows, will he do something different, useful and amazing? Or will he be one of these people who just want to play, passing off all responsibilities and losing opportunities along the way? That would be a huge worry for a parent. Long distance biking in other countries where drivers are INSANE and medical resources are scarce would worry me too.</p>
<p>My suggestions are: keep on with the acting job you’re already doing, express support and try to control your fears. He is an adult, he can support himself, and you really can’t stop him. He may end up doing something great, something you’d never expect, and that he loves. But DO NOT SUPPORT HIM FINANCIALLY. He can earn the money, and when he runs out, don’t let him bum off of you and stay the child.</p>
<p>Totally understand your angst, but there isnt much you can do but hope he is safe, has fun, and finds his way. Good luck.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You nailed it, Hanna. I would think this young man would be at greater risk of becoming more extreme in his views if he DIDN’T go and was forced to slave away for “the man” in pursuit of affluence and social status that he doesn’t even value.</p>
<p>I predict the OP’s son will come back and do something remarkable after his adventure–invent something that helps others, perhaps. His engineering background isn’t going to waste, nor are the critical thinking skills he has developed to date. I would be nervous about his safety but not about his decision making.</p>
<p>I’m willing to bet that he can find a way to combine his engineering and his idealism for the betterment of others. </p>
<p>Had he had a look at Engineers Without Borders at all? [Engineers</a> Without Borders - Home](<a href=“http://www.ewb-usa.org/]Engineers”>http://www.ewb-usa.org/)</p>
<p>Ultimately, life is for living and you may as well be happy during your short time on earth. No one had ever said on their deathbed that they wished they spent mire time at work ;)</p>
<p>How can we look at global climate change and the very punishing distribution of wealth in the US right now and not agree with this young man?</p>
<p>It sounds like he is willing to trade a narrow, comfortable life centered only on his own comforts and financial stability for something more meaningful and more in alignment with the truths how the world really works. It may have come as shock to him.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids are practical and they are pursuing more idealistic goals without the benefit of an engineering skill set or any time in high paying jobs. I do worry about them because of the state of our economy and my limited ability to provide them support.</p>
<p>As others have said, this young man has the skill set to reenter the corporate rat race whenever he wants to, so what’s to worry about beyond his safety? As to that, none of us is really safe, so take a deep breath and force yourself into the “no news is good news” frame of mind and wish him well.</p>
<p>As for spouting counterculture things, well, um after the shenanigans and results of 2008 one would have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to have some questions about what is going on in our society. Bogus weapons of mass destruction as justification for war gives young people pause as well.</p>
<p>I have a 23 year old son as well. He is studying Art History on the grad level. It may be years before he has the agency your son has. He certainly doesn’t have the earning capacity.</p>
<p>To my mind you have much less to worry about than many of us and have had it easy up till now. You have a child who succeeded in a STEM field and was very rewarded for it by society.</p>
<p>That’s not common right now, and count those years as gifts.</p>
<p>Welcome to the world of many parents in 2013.</p>
<p>Your son may find something incredibly meaningful that changes the world, may come back and reenter the life he has just left or may flounder a bit like so many of us.</p>
<p>The anxiety your are feeling is normal but part of the parenting package. They can’t always make choices that quell our anxieties. (Haha. I sure wish mine would once in a while.)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Since this is your son’s passion, maybe you’d feel better about what he’s saying and doing if you understood it more. They’re not kookie ideas!</p>
<p>If you’ll indulge me, I’ll tell you about a young, disillusioned college grad that left the US about 25 years ago…</p>
<p>In 1989 my older brother had graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in architecture, spent a year working for a firm in Raleigh, and applied to top graduate programs. He didn’t get into his top choices. Feeling unsettled, dissatisfied, and just fed up, he quit his job, moved everything he owned home to my mom’s, and left for Europe with a eurail pass for a few months with a backpack. Two months later we got a call saying he was in Sweden (Stockholm), he had a job at a firm, and wasn’t coming home. He didn’t speak Swedish, but learned fast. Five years later he opened his own firm. At some point (I don’t remember) he began teaching graduate classes at the university in Stockholm. I’ll brag here and say he has been pretty darn successful with contracts with Disney, Ikea, and major renovations of the historic train station in Stockholm. He now speaks English with a Swedish accent. No, he does not come home often at all. Yes, it broke my mother’s heart, but she goes there for long extended visits. Yes, he thinks Americans have it pretty much backwards and the socialists views are far more in line with his way of thinking. He does quite a bit of humanitarian work in various countries when everything shuts down in the summers for several weeks.</p>
<p>This is the life he chose and I can’t imagine him leading another one. He does work he loves, has a partner of 15years that is amazing, and frankly would be terribly miserable here in the states full time. If my mom had tried to stand in his way 25 years ago what would that have served? Nothing. We told him we loved him and stood at the airport gate yelling safety reminders at him as he left until he couldn’t hear us anymore, only to overhear someone say “no wonder that boy is leaving the country!”. ;)</p>
<p>Good luck to your son no matter what he decides to do. Maybe it will be a year or two, maybe a lifetime. Whatever it is it has to be what makes him happy. The last thing you want is 10-15 years down the road to find him miserable and burnt out in a job, with financial and personal commitments that make it very hard to explore any changes. This is the time in his life where he has the luxury to do it. Let him go.</p>
<p>I too have a son (24) who does not depend on me financially and has spent huge chunks of the nearly 2 years since graduating either working outside the US or traveling outside the US. </p>
<p>I have focused on the positives of a young person figuring out early how to make things he wants actually happen. </p>
<p>I do not offer advice without first asking if he would be interested in what I have to say. I have made it a habit to offer advice on practical travel matters rather than challenge his whys. After all, I raised him to make his own decisions so why would I now start trying to manage his choices?</p>
<p>Blue, thanks for sharing your brother’s experience.</p>
<p>I never heard of Engineers without borders, but sounds promising. When an MD that I worked with from MA got divorced, he joined Doctors without Borders.</p>
<p>My brother didn’t travel Europe, but he spent his time travelling and working all over the US and Canada from age 23 - 35. All of his jobs were for 3-6 months at a time so he was constantly moving. He spent his time as a forest fire lookout in various national forests throughout the US, park naturalist, tracking bears, maintaining campsites, and teaching kids/adults about natural resources and the environment. </p>
<p>He was always able to support himself. At 38 he finally tired of that lifestyle and took a full-time position as a park naturalist. It is a bit too corporate for him, but he survives and appreciaters the benefits it provides at this stage of his life. He never would have lasted in corporate America.</p>
<p>Add me to those who admire your son’s quest for something different and out of the norm. My D is about to make a similar plunge. I envy her.</p>