<p>Did anyone mention the possibility of counseling for you, to help you come to terms with something that clearly is troubling you?</p>
<p>The choice is not just “grinding company engineer” or Peace Corp. Look up US AID and the contractors that support them. They use companies to accomplish all of the AID mission related activity. A client of mine is one of those and they are all very dedicated to using those kinds of skills to support the missions over seas. A lot of young enthusiastic folks there. He can use the time to explore the world, discover his passion, learn the language, and bring that experience into a personally successful life if he wishes.</p>
<p>“Did anyone mention the possibility of counseling for you, to help you come to terms with something that clearly is troubling you?”</p>
<p>I sincerely question that someone should go out and hire a psychiatrist because they have concerns about their child. Of course the OP is worried about her son, she ought to be. This is a huge change for her son. As wonderful as this all sounds to many people (being someone else’s child), I would be worried that an abrupt personality change would be a sign of mental illness or smoking too much dope.</p>
<p>We are all hoping that these life changing trips will be the start of something great for the OP’s son. That maybe he really is thinking about his life closely and will figure out what he truly wants to do, perhaps even putting his experience and education to use. But a sudden, large change can be terrifying for parents…and all of us would worry if their child was doing things completely out of character.</p>
<p>I did not pick up that this was sudden or abrupt, in fact the OP mentioned that he had been saving money for this very adventure. I do however understand that the OP does not respect her S’s point of view and I’m sure that it makes the acceptance of her kid’s choice rather tough.</p>
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<p>Like others, this is the sentiment that stood out for me. </p>
<p>Back when I was in high school I was lucky enough to have a family friend who worked in the field I wanted to work in–something unusual and way out of my parents’ experience. My parents were generally of the “whatever you’re interested in sounds fine to us” school of thought, so I never thought they had any concerns about my interests. That is, until one night I overheard my dad asking this friend in a worried tone if I’d be able to get a job. I remember rolling my eyes at the time :)–why was he so worried?</p>
<p>Now, as a parent, I understand. But since I’m also working in that very field that seemed so out of the ordinary to my parents, I also understand that sometimes my concerns about my children’s proposed career plans are because I just don’t know enough. I know a lot about my little patch of ground. A fair amount about the career paths for other family members and friends. Everything else? Not a clue. </p>
<p>So, when it looked like one kid was headed towards something in performing arts (OMG, how is she going to earn a living!!!), I talked to people and realized that she’d be able to use that kind of background in sales or advocacy or some other presentation-type work. Or the kid who was (and is) interested in international relations, and who may yet opt out of big-bucks computer science work to do something with the NGO world–there are work possibilities there.</p>
<p>OP, your son is old enough to be able to tell you how he’s going to chart a path through this. Earlier, you mention that you “have no clue what he’s talking about.” So ask him! Say that you’re being a mom, and you’re worried about how he’s going to earn a living, or what he might see himself doing. Say that you will emotionally support him no matter what, but that you worry. Then listen. He sounds like an exceptional and responsible young man to me, having already saved enough money to finance a possible career change.</p>
<p>^^The way I read it was that this was a big change. I could have misinterpreted what she was saying, though. It sounds to me that he had money saved for it because he has a high paying job…not that he’s been scrimping and saving, planning on this. I would be worried if a high achieving kid that shortly after getting his dream job, decided that now he might just leave it all for years, and by the way, your American way of life is all wrong. It sounds like quite a change to me. If you were a parent who had paid for and supported what a kid said he wanted all these years, and now he’s going to give up great opportunity for an unknown, it’s completely logical to be worried.</p>
<p>If all of a sudden the kid is spouting blah, blah, blah (her words, but I get what she’s saying) and this is brand new…which I’d suspect it is, otherwise she wouldn’t be so alarmed at the attitude, I’d be worried too. If my very logical, unbiased, prove every point to me, no rhetoric about anything sort of sons suddenly went in one direction (any direction) without any prior notice, I’d be concerned too.</p>
<p>But maybe he’ll invent a new energy source and help us all.</p>
<p>Well, my first take on this was “oh, I’d love to see his resume in a few years” because we hire this kind of kid regularly in our business. Second take was “hmm, I wonder if he needs a traveling companion” because both my kids talk about these kinds of trips often. And third was “why isn’t the OP interested in sustainability and renewable energy?”</p>
<p>And finally, “he’s young, let him be young, he’ll learn s***, come home, and be the better for it.”</p>
<p>Well, OP says the young man’s father is on board and supportive of this choice. She reports that the father sees this as an improvement in the young man’s attitude. </p>
<p>Seems that OP is willing to admit that she is clueless about (and threatened by?) what interests her son and is driven to tears by the possibility that he might not return for a couple of years. OP asked for words of comfort. Seems she is not seeking assurance that her concerns are valid, she just wants comfort in her distress.</p>
<p>Since the father is on board and the young man is paying his own way, it is possible that what they would hear from OP would be blah, blah, blah. Seems that would be consistent with the family dynamics. </p>
<p>So, take comfort that you have some folks on CC who commiserate with you.</p>
<p>OP, going to quote some of your 2.5 year old wise words for you. 
:-)</p>
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<p>Seriously, sounds like your parenting did well by your young man.</p>
<p>busdriver-maybe you’ve been blessed to have worked in the same field since you left college and plan to never change that until you retire. But most people DON’T do the same thing their entire lives, and indeed, many people get all the way through college and even additional schooling and realize they took the wrong path. It sounds to me that the OP’s son is one of those people-for now.</p>
<p>My uncle had a law degree from a “top tier” school. He never practiced law, instead got a job at a TV network just as television hit the big time. I have a friend whose H got a medical degree and decided he’d become a minister instead. Aston Kutcher has a degree in I believe biochemistry and is a famous actor. My younger D’s kindergarten teacher was a former I banker. I could go on and on.</p>
<p>This kid probably did the “right thing” and got the “right degree” from the “right school” and then once out in the real world, decided it wasn’t his thing. So he took a bike trip and realized he had other interests. Now he’s looking at a longer trip in another part of the world to explore those interests. It seems like the exact opposite of making sudden changes to his life. I hope he finds what he wants to do-he appears to be a pretty interesting kid!</p>
<p>I think sometimes the problem is we use the word “kid” around here for anybody’s offspring.</p>
<p>When I was his age I had children.</p>
<p>Not saying that’s the way to go, either, but I was fully capable of taking care of myself AND a helpless human being. So, even though the instinct, no matter the age, is to fret a bit when they are out of reach, these aren’t really “kids.”</p>
<p>good luck, OP. I know it can be challenging to have the adventurous ones, but from what I see, it can be even more challenging to have the ones who never leave.</p>
<p>Many times people ask loved ones to “support their decision” Never understood this. A hug, saying I love you, and keeping ones mouth shut unless asked, is enough.</p>
<p>"I think sometimes the problem is we use the word “kid” around here for anybody’s offspring.</p>
<p>When I was his age I had children.</p>
<p>Not saying that’s the way to go, either, but I was fully capable of taking care of myself AND a helpless human being. So, even though the instinct, no matter the age, is to fret a bit when they are out of reach, these aren’t really “kids.”</p>
<p>Yes. We are pretty used to calling everyone in their twenties (even thirties sometimes), a “kid”. When I was 23, I was a military officer and aircraft commander…responsible for flying around some of the most important people in the country. Actually crazy to give a “kid” that kind of responsibility, as I barely knew what I was doing.</p>
<p>It seems, that sometimes people raise their children to achieve…and their path seems clear, they have got it made. Then they completely change direction, and it is terrifying. Who is to know if it completely wrong or totally right for them? As long as it doesn’t involve something illegal or harmful, it doesn’t seem like this is a bad time to go for it. If it doesn’t end up working out, the OP’s son sounds like an accomplished person who will be successful anyways.</p>
<p>I just heard a commencement speech by Aron Ralston (subject of the movie 127 hours). Graduated #1 in his engineering class from Carnegie Mellon, was an engineer for awhile, decided to give it up to climb mountains. Now he is an inspirational speaker. I’m sure when he graduated, his parents never would have thought his path would end up where it did. I’m sure his mom was terrified. But wow, what an amazing person!</p>
<p>I don’t really want to add to the anxiety, but there is one data nugget I hammer into my kids: 1% of bike riding takes place at night, but 50% of cycling deaths. Make sure he has a great light.</p>
<p>I admire your son for what he is doing. I spent two months bumming around Europe when I was 25 and came back a much better and more focused person. When he comes back, it sounds like he belongs in Seattle or Portland - EWB chapters, lots of bikers and outdoorspeople, a critical mass of Greenies. </p>
<p>Count your blessings; smart kids typically become smart adults.</p>
<p>I seriously hope that those of you who took the time to respond to me scroll all the way to the end so I can give each and every one of you a big ole cyber hug!!! Oh, you’ve no idea the space this son has taken up in my head this past year. And much of what you all wrote was a great comfort for me, it truly was.
A few things to add. Yes, my biggest fear is him riding his bike all over ‘tarnation’ and getting booted off the rode and killed or hurt beyond repair. It wakes me up at night sometimes. And those of you who questioned if I really understand what he’s talking about, I don’t, I admit it, I really don’t and I tell him as much. And we laugh about it, sort of. I mean I think I’m pretty up on stuff, but I’m really not to be truthful, and as for his profession, when he confided to me back when he was first working that he questioned whether it was for him I told him it made no difference to us what he chose as his line of work, and that we’d stand by him no matter what it was. He doesn’t ask us for $ mostly because he’s worked his %$s off since he was young and never needs it. Our family dynamics are pretty good, this particular son has butted heads with us on occasion but readily admits that he’s found us (his Dad and I) to be loving, supportive folks and he recently said that he doesn’t know how he would have got through this past difficult year without our love and support.
I failed to mention this but after I won the fake academy award for being the most supportive ‘ride your bike all over the world mother’, I kissed him goodbye and spent the next two hours surfing the web for other young explorers and found a few. I even emailed one of them (it was mother’s day, I was so emotional, can you stand it?). This sweet young man emailed me back to encourage me to keep encouraging my son, said his mother worries too but it was the best time of his life and he’s going to do it again too. I share his email with my son, who by the way thought it hilarious that I did this, and now their cyber friends and he’s giving my son advice.
I told my son I’d pester him with advice, and will do my best to become enlightened to ideas I know nothing about, with assurance from him that he’ll do anything and everything to make this the safest expedition he can.
So to all of you, big ole cyber hugs. You all made sense, even those of you who bickered back and forth with each other on my behalf. I have so needed to hear all of you’re good thoughts and I’m indebted to you all.
I think you’ve been therapy all by yourselves!!!</p>
<p>Oh and for those of you who questioned his mental state. Yup, I’ve gone there too. He’s had a bout of depression this past year. But he’s been on top of that too and he says it’s much better now. He seems to think that coming home, getting dumped, working in a field he doesn’t know if he agrees with, and winter dolldrums really took it’s toll. And so yes, I worry that this is the uptick of all that and could be a manic reaction, but again, even if I tried, I couldn’t stop him, but we talk honestly about what he needs to look out for with regard to this, so he and I and his Dad are staying honest and as up to date on all of this as we can.</p>
<p>Oh and well, I know you know this now, I’m a worrier. In fact, if they passed out awards for that, I’d be first in line. So knowing that about myself, I have to work overtime to keep it in check. And I laugh often because I know I got this particular son because he’s been an explorer since day one. His siblings thinks the whole idea is great. Son #2 thinks he might drop out for a semester and join him. Heck, maybe in lieu of therapy bucks, I’ll save it and go with them too!!!</p>
<p>Slitheytove? Thanks, I needed some reminding…sigh…</p>
<p>oh and one other thing, he’s been back 1 year not six months, so it’ll be one year that he’s been working in his field. When I offered up that with all the success he’s had at work, how it must be hard to walk away not knowing if they’d ever take him back, he said he understood he was walking away and that it was his decision and he knew that it meant he’d not likely be working with them again.<br>
By the way, I reread my post, gosh so many errors in my writing, hmmm, oh well, no time to edit I’m afraid. Sorry.</p>
<p>Your son is so lucky to have a mom that loves him as much as you. And cares enough to get the dramatic award of the year! Faking it over my fears would be the hardest thing of all.</p>
<p>I hear you! My son is following his dream right now. His field is not particularly lucrative, and I worry about him every day. BUT he is young with no obligations other than to himself. This IS the time for him to do this!</p>