<p>My son wants to blow off his graduation ceremony. He is part of a large (750+) graduating class, and the ceremony is admittedly long, hot, and impersonal. He is an excellent student (top 1% of class) with friends and a girlfriend, and not anti-social. He says he is just completely “over” high school and ready to move on. Should I force the issue, or respect his wishes?</p>
<p>Can’t edit for some reason, but thought I should add that he wants to go to Grad Night, just not the ceremony…</p>
<p>Run a search here for this topic, and you will find that threads have started by parents in your situation every single year. The basic responses come down to: </p>
<p>I want to see you walk, so do it.
and
No problem. Is there something you’d rather do instead to celebrate?</p>
<p>The Grad night celebration is probably the fun part for him (it was for my daughter) - I vote for respect his wishes.</p>
<p>Make him go - the ceremony is more for families and family pictures than for the kids. I didn’t want to go to mine, my oldest son didn’t want to go to his, but they really did turn out to be a fun time.</p>
<p>I went to my graduation and I honestly think it was a waste of time. Both my parents and I barely remember it. The graduation party with friends and family was far more meaningful IMO. </p>
<p>I started one of those annual threads a couple years ago. . .S wasn’t allowed to attend the school sponsored “grad night party” if he didn’t attend the ceremony. (So check into that with your school.) S chose to attend neither. We went out to dinner with our family and he picked up his diploma at the school the next day. He had to borrow a cap and gown for the class day ceremony at school–so I took a photo of him in it. It was fine, though a bit of a letdown,
Apparently there was only one other kid in a class of 400+ who didn’t walk–he was out of town at a sib’s college graduation. I got a call from the school to find out why S wasn’t attending/try to persuade him to attend. S just doesn’t like crowds, thought the ceremony was pointless. S is “on the spectrum” and didn’t feel connected to the class/school. No bad feelings about the school/other students. Just didn’t wanna. So I didn’t force him. I didn’t nag him or try to make him do it. This year we have another kid graduating. He plans to attend the ceremony. (Our first two kids were homeschooled, so this is our 4th kid, 1st graduation.)<br>
OP–I think your son, in his situation-- with lots of friends, girlfriend, etc. attending–might regret not going. People will be looking for him and miss him, wonder why he isn’t there. Sure, it is hot, long, boring. But it is the last time this particular community is going to be together. He should be part of it. (If he strongly refuses, leave him alone about it.)</p>
<p>Check with the school. Our grads leave for grad night directly FROM the graduation. If you aren’t at the graduation, you cannot attend the grad night.</p>
<p>My son decided to go to his graduation ceremony on his own terms. He reminded me of the movie “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” when he marched in with a friend. They both were wearing these large funny sunglasses and both were barefoot. They strode to their seats smiling and without a care in the world. The look on the assistant principal’s face when he saw their bare feet was priceless. It was out of character for my son but I think he was making a point to someone. </p>
<p>I’m in the camp of having him go. I know that for some kids HS is something to just endure until it’s over but this kid doesn’t sound like one of them. I graduated HS long time ago, in a very large class like your son’s, but I remember most of my graduation night.I remember it much more than the completely impersonal college one with the fake diplomas handed out in several venues across the campus that depended on your major. Bleah. </p>
<p>My family would have been crushed if I hadn’t walked in HS. THAT was the part of my education they were a part of. I did college away from home.</p>
<p>My oldest went to an alternative program and didn’t have a ceremony. My next one didn’t walk. At my youngest’s school, there is a ceremony that includes the parents and families of the graduates and it’s a very small class. I cannot imagine her wanting to skip it and I’d be very unhappy with that decision.</p>
<p>I am torn on this one. Are his friends going? Will he receive any special recognition? Is this a big event for your family? Like will grandparents be attending? </p>
<p>If it is really a big pain, and friends and family aren’t going, I’d let him sit it out. If his friends are going and/or if family would love to come, I’d tell him he has to go. </p>
<p>My son also had a huge graduating class. He did want to go to grad, though, because it was one of those last chances to be with friends before they all scattered. Kids had to go down to the arena early in the morning to practice the grad ceremony—what a pain—except that the kids carpooled with each other and then went out to eat. Then afterwards they all hung out and took pictures with each other in all kinds of combinations. It ended up being pretty fun for him. Any way to make this event less painful? </p>
<p>My HS graduation class had 1100 in it (no that is not a typo). It took a long time to read every single kid’s first, middle and last name, and hand them their diploma. They guy seated next to me ate my roses. My mom thought she saw me, but she was actually looking in the wrong section of the group.</p>
<p>It was the last of my graduations I attended. No undergrad, and no grad. </p>
<p>My kids went to their HS graduations but their classes were under 200. Plus, you could NOT go to the party if you weren’t at the graduation. DS went to his departmental undergrad but not the big university graduation. He went to his conservatory masters graduation. In both cases, we hosted his recital and family was invited to that. DD went to her undergrad graduation. It was sort of like my high school…about 1000 students. </p>
<p>For High School, I would politely ask your kid to go for YOU. Agree with a poster upstream…we were actually involved with the High School and knew lots of the kids’ classmates and parents. It’s not too much to ask…</p>
<p>I would try to convince him to go. </p>
<p>I am super torn. On one hand, it is completely in character for him to opt out. He has also decided to skip prom this year (went last year) and instead do a “fancy date night” with his girlfriend. He rejected the principal’s recent request to have the local paper write an article on him because he prefers to fly under the radar. He just really likes to do things on his own terms. On the other hand, he’s not going to get a do-over on this, and we do have family and friends who will want to help him celebrate (although we are limited to the number of people allowed at the actual ceremony). </p>
<p>I will talk to his counselor about whether he can attend Grad Night if he skips the ceremony. Our graduation isn’t until late June, so we still have a little time to figure things out. Thanks for everyone’s input.</p>
<p>OP, you don’t say how you feel about it.</p>
<p>My D attended her HS graduation but wanted nothing to do with anything else surrounding senior year festivities. She skipped college graduation altogether. Both times, it hurt (me).</p>
<p>When she first said she was skipping the college ceremony, I asked her to hear me out and then I’d never bring it up again. I told her that graduation is as much for parents as it is for kids; it’s a milestone event, our chance to stop and reflect on all the years, our chance to celebrate a job well done. Told her that while I knew it may be boring for her, it would mean the world to us if she would endure a couple of hours. She listened respectfully, but in the ended decided against it, and I’ve kept my promise about not talking about it. But whenever I see a picture of a graduation or attend one, and see the happy proud parents, I feel cheated.</p>
<p>He should do it for your sake, unless he has a really compelling reason not to attend, like atomom’s S who is on the spectrum.</p>
<p>I vote go. 18 years old is mature enough to realize that we all have social and family responsibilities. It appears to be important to you, so your son should take that into account. I often have to do battle with my teenagers to get them to do the right thing when it comes to extended family celebrations. Graduation is more personal I suppose, but he didn’t get through high school alone. Sometimes we have to nudge our teenagers to look at the bigger picture - life is often more than what one person wants. In my experience, the earlier they get that message, the better.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have any problem with him not going. I’m not sentimental about such things though so it’s an individual decision. </p>
<p>If you want him to go, then tell him he’s going. And I say that as a student who never wanted to go to graduation but ended up going to all of them because I knew (even if they wouldn’t MAKE me go) that it was important to my parents. He’ll learn one day to take other people into account when he’s making decisions, but until then, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to pull rank on this one. The graduation ceremony really isn’t for the students anyway. It’s for the parents.</p>
<p>For hs graduation I think it is fair for parents to insist in most cases . We were undecided at whether to force the issue for DD’s college gradation (only 20 miles away) Then she learned that Julie Andrews was speaking and decided she wanted to go… if we’d pay the gown fees (daaaaa - yes!). </p>