My son recently committed to play football at a college about 2.5 hours away. In the past day or so he has been upset about leaving home. He mentioned last night that he wants to stay at a local college and not play football so he can live at home and commute to college. His gf is going to a different college about 2.5 away from home but 4 hours away from his committed school. Do I push him to try it out and face his fears of leaving home? He does not have interest in going to the gf college, so no longer worried he is giving up his dream to follow. Let him make his own decisions or push him to be ok with new experiences away from home.
If he were to get injured on day one and not be able to actually play football, which of the two schools would be a better fit for him, in terms of his other goals? What is the price difference between the two schools?
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Was he accepted ED to the first school? If not, I would let him choose the best fit for him.
College sports are a real grind. If he doesn’t truly want to be there, it won’t go well. I’d have a long talk with him about his “why” before you tell him “why not.”
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Is it football or location that is driving his concern? Would he go to the farther school if he didn’t have to play footbacll? Can he live at the closer college? While it is ultimately his decision, I would want to really explore what is going on. Is he suffering from anxiety or is the farther school a bad fit in terms of campus culture? I would make sure he talks to a counselor or even therapist to sort this out. While it is his decision, he (and you) need to understand the implications.
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Both would be a good fit for him. The local school and the out of state have excellent programs for his major.
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I agree. I want him to want to be there. I feel like he wants to play but afraid of the commitment and distance from home. We already planned to attend all games which he knows.
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He has been accepted to both. He was in recruitment with the local college but he was not their choice. So we followed the college that wanted him since playing football has been his top must have until this point
The location is driving his concern. I thought it was the gf, since she will be at a school 4 hours from him. But he is happy being at a local college and not playing football…I just don’t want him to let fear drive his decision. But it’s is his decision…how much do we push…
I was asking if he was accepted ED (early decision) to the football school. If he was accepted to either school ED, he is bound to attend. If not, like I said above, I would let it be his choice, assuming both choices are affordable. I agree that college sports at any level is a grind, and if the student isn’t all in, they shouldn’t do it.
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I have a son that’s 9 hours away and an athlete. He’s always loved the grind, but even he get overwhelmed occasionally. Luckily, he’d love his school even without his sport.
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After scholarships at the football college it would not be a huge cost difference, since at the local college he would commute and not have room/board on campus.
Oh I’m sorry, both were not early decision. We chose early action.
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He loves both schools. The coach and culture stood out to his football college choice. I think he would have picked the local school as his first choice if he were offered.
Has he ever been away from home ? Such as summer camp ? Sounds like he’s afraid to leave mom.
Wanting to live at home and commute, unless you can’t afford a dorm, is not giving you the opportunity to grow. I don’t want to say it’s hs 2.0 but.
Could you require he live in a dorm regardless ?
The bigger concern is - if he truly loves being a part of the team - that’s likely gone forever.
I would ensure he truly understands what’s at risk here - both from a growth perspective and team - and if he lives home, maybe require a job and rent. And to cook and do laundry.
Not everyone is the same but I’m a believer in the collegiate experience and staying home not allow that IMHO.
good luck.
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He has been away at multiple week long summer camps and out of country for a school trip. I could require that, but an extra $20k per year is a lot to spend when we live within 30 minutes. He has 2 jobs currently and does contribute with things around the home.
I highly recommend your son speak to someone “neutral” ideally a counselor to make sure there are not other things going on. He has been upfront with you about his choice and I am sure that was hard for him. Also, it not easy to move away from an activity that was important to you and a big part of his community too.
@tiff1 Also, starting close to home is not a 4 year commitment - he can start locally and transfer when HE is ready. He sounds like a very responsible young man.
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Yes it’s hard for all of us. Time, money and effort from the whole family got him here. I don’t want the unknown to drive his decision, but I don’t want to influence based on my wants and what he feels are our expectations. Happiness is our goal, but how much is too much encouragement lol
I know way too many kids that don’t stop their sport to please their parents - they feel bad about the “investment made”, parents are very engaged, part of the family identity etc and they either end up injured, mental health issues or just bitter. Too many college athletes keep
playing due to the scholarship and ability to stay at the school that would otherwise be unaffordable without their sport. Just my opinion - but I would listen to your son.
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This is exactly how I feel. I just needed to vent and reassure that it’s ok to not push him if he is doubtful. Was curious of how other parents dealt with similar situations. Over the holidays everyone was asking about the college, football and moving away and it definitely made it feel real to him.
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