Lastly, one of my kids is a D1 athlete at an Ivy - so no sports money to keep kids on the team in this league. Of her recruitment class of 12 there are now 4 seniors left ! Injuries, changing priorities and mental health leave of absences for 8 of the original recruitment class. They are a winning, super competitive team - but winning is not the end all.
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To me it is more the decision to live home and commute, assuming that money is not really a driving force. Is he feeling guilty about spending your money to live in a dorm? Or is he not ready to leave home? Many kids commute and are very happy, but, depending on finances, living in a dorm can be a great part of college life and a step to an independent life. However, if funds are tight having him live home will save money.
That is why I agree with @coffeeat3 that having him talk to a nuetral party may really help. Also, he doesnāt have to decide unti May 1, right? I would let him sit with the decision for a while.
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You could go visit the college one more time and let him take another look ? Is it affordable without football would be important too.
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I would like him to be considerate that the coach will need to recruit to fill his position. Technically he does not have to decide until May 1 though. Itās not about money, I think more about being away from
Home
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Without football it would be possible financially. I feel like he is going that far though because of football. Itās distance that is driving his second guess.
I think the advice to talk to someone neutral makes sense. College sports, particularly football where you practice all week for 1-game, can be a grind, so that may not be for him. There are many other experiences in college outside of sports.
I was not sure from the posts the NCAA Div and if the scholarships at the āfootball schoolā were pure sports scholarships, or merit or other scholarships?
2.5 hrs away may seem far now at this point in his life though in the scheme of things, for going away to college it is not very far. For some kids and families, living away at school, it may not matter that much as far as how often they come home to visit or see their family if the school is nearby or 2.5 hrs away.
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I would give it some time and, as others have said, have him talk to with a trusted third party. His current football coach and college counselor might be good resources.
I say this as a parent of two kids, the youngest being a recruited athlete. The older non-athlete child came home for her first Christmas break from her dream west-coast school (1,500 miles away from home), dream weather, dream sorority, etc. and promptly started applying to local schools ā¦ we āmadeā her finish the year at the dream school. It was a temporary thing that caused her reaction. She couldnāt have been happier in the end.
The second athlete child started at his dream school (1,600 miles from home) with a built-in team ātribeā that made his transition to college a huge success. The experiences heās had, the independence heās developed and the life-long friends would never have happened if he went to a local school. Donāt discount the team value, not for athletic success, but for support in a myriad of other ways. Plus, football typically starts before other students arrive on campus, so he will have an even better early bonding experience than my athlete had.
Good luck. I hope it is just a temporary issue that works itself out over the next few weeks.
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Thank you! All of the things you mentioned about the athlete child are exactly what I feel he will miss and deserves. We have plans to visit often, since there is a campground 15 minutes away and attend games at home and on the road. The discussions have eased his fears a bit. After talks heās mostly worried about leaving home but I think he will love it and will see he is not losing us at all, but gaining so many great people in his life. Thank you for your message. This is the first time Iāve used this type of thingā¦so many variables that I feel really helped me see many sides.
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Itās D2 and a mix of athletic and merit scholarships and we plan to go to all the games - home and away.
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My opinionā¦leave this discussion for now. Let your son ponder this. You said he doesnāt need to commit until May (although it would be courteous to let the coach know if he decides NO before that time).
But let your son ponder this without further discussion for a while. My guess is he will make up his own mind easily enough.
Many kids get sort of cold feet.
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So if the school is a good fit without playing football, he would still get the merit scholarships. Not sure if that factors in.
Understand going to all the games. We would be doing the same.
@thumper1 advice sounds like it could work.
I found that worked well particularly with one of the my kids. As much as I wanted to quietly ask and help, if left to themselves sometimes it worked out better.
Good luck-in the end Iām sure it will work out!
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He will be signing an NIL next month. May is the deadline to pay the deposit for our local college. Thanks!
Yes heās strong willed and will dig his feet in if pushed. We had a long talk last night and will leave it alone for a bit until he brings up.
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He will have his mind made up before next month!
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Is it a scared to leave home or doesnāt truly want to continue football? Or you still donāt know
Or could it be that heās afraid the competition will be better in college and he wonāt measure up ? I have a friend - kid all state but 3 years in and had 10 plays or so at an SEC school. And has thought to hang it up because of this. Regrets heās chosen the path.
Once he leaves football, he may not be able to get it back. So Iād make sure he truly gets that.
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We had hoped our son would continue soccer is college like one of his best friendās did (they played club together since 2nd grade, varsity captains), he didnāt want to. We felt it would help with friendships and grades. He ended up crashing at our flagship 45 minutes away and now commutes, hanging with his high school buddies. However a friend had 2 of her sons play baseball and lacrosse at college, both came home after a year. So who knows. Iāve had kids play their high school sport at a club level in college, but I donāt think thereās a football option.
I think you need to understand the root of whatās driving the change of heartā¦anything from a bad interaction with a future teammate or the epiphany that something else is more important.
Our daughter is OOS at a Big Ten and had a tough freshman adjustment due to many different factors I wonāt get into. Things are much improved this year.
Hereās the thingā¦sheās a very talented musician and her music accomplishments made her a strong college applicant, though sheās going down the law path. We encouraged her to get involved in orchestra or ensembles on campus as a way to make social connections. She declined and finally told us that she had lost enjoyment in music part way through high school but kept it up because she didnāt want to disappoint us and knew it was good college leverage. But she was burned out and done with it.
We had no idea.
At some point it stopped being fun and became a chore for her. Iām sure the same happens to athletes especially when they know that next level is off the table.
Perhaps your son is experiencing this and doesnāt want to say as much.
On the other hand, if itās irrational fear of the unknown (totally understandable), that is worth pushing through for growth.
I think you need to give him some time and then try to understand the core issue.
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The D2 NIL is still a thing and is binding, meaning he would have to attend that college for one year even if he doesnāt play his sport. So, he should be sure about that college when he signs that document (parents have to sign too.) If he isnāt ready to sign whenever the signing day is, he can ask the coach to postpone. Obviously at that point the coach may know something is up and want to speak with him.
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Considering the risk of injury, both immediate, and later on, of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, I would be thankful that heās ready to stop playing football. Whatever his reason for stopping, unless heās the kicker, Iād just be grateful that heās stopping.
Personally, I think that living on campus, in the dorms during freshman year is an experience not to be missed. I would agree to the local college, but encourage him to take a place in the dorms, if you can afford it, unless itās really just a commuter school. He can always come home whenever he wants, but I wouldnāt want him to miss out on that intense friend-building experience of first semester of freshman year.
If it were not for the football issue, I might consider encouraging him to try the farther away school, but when you put the cessation of the risk of football-related injury into the equation, Iād strongly support his decision to stop playing - and if it means staying close by, so be it.
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Sorry NLI