<p>I filled his fridge and purchased gift certificates for TJs and Gelsons. He took his bedroom furniture, which we bought with a future home in mind. We purchased a couch and chairs.</p>
<p>Bowing my head in shame…I purchased everyday china, stainless steel, wine and old fashion glasses…and paper goods, cleaning supplies and a vacuum…</p>
<p>Yes…china (And I do have a sense of humor.)</p>
<p>The gift certificates are a great idea. </p>
<p>All this is very YMMV, I know. But when I was that age, first real apt, first real job, the last thing I wanted was to have my mobility impaired by all sorts of furniture. A few cooking and baking things were closest to my heart and came everywhere. Roomie and I did creative touches, had a borrowed couch (until the gal who lent it moved to her new place,) etc. </p>
<p>I gather the idea is to set them up as young adults, but I didn’t make that connection, at that point. Moved from SF to SD to LA then back and forth to the East Coast and a few years in Europe, during those young years. </p>
<p>My parents didn’t help me at all. I had a good job and didn’t need help, but also had fun furnishing that first apartment with a combination of new and old furniture. I hit the garage sales and flea markets for a few funky older items, like tables and chairs. It was a game to see what I could find.</p>
<p>If son lives off campus, we will have to help furnish his apartment. I would like to hit the garage sales again, but then I would have to carry everything, which I am less able to do now. I will buy a few basics for him at an Ikea type place. </p>
<p>If he were starting a job? I would offer help with a few big items like bed and sofa if needed. The rest he can accumulate as he is able. </p>
<p>DD had accumulated some things while living in apartments during college–mostly a table picked up from craigslist, some inexpensive dishes I found on clearance at Target one year, and odds and ends. We let her take an old couch we had, and she took a desk from her room at home. She purchased a new mattress set and some new linens herself. She asked for a new vacuum for Christmas that year. She makes a decent salary, but she still has the old couch (at least 25 years old–good shape but a bit faded). I’m thinking of encouraging her to purchase a new one in a couple of years so the old one can go with DS to his first apartment. </p>
<p>On a funny note, when we were apartment hunting (yes, I was allowed to help with that), her most important “wants” were a dishwasher and that it allowed pets. Her first “purchase” after she had a few paychecks in the bank was an adopted cat. </p>
<p>We’ve helped quite a bit, but it was different for each child according to what was wanted. In each case, we made sure the kid knew they could turn down any offers with no hurt feelings on our part…and that anything we gave them was theirs to do with as they pleased.</p>
<p>My parents “gave” us some furniture. It was only after they hauled it 500+ miles to our first apartment that my mother said she wanted it back if we ever decided we didn’t want it any longer and then reminded me several times before they went back home about how to care for each piece. We returned it all a year later (the soonest we could afford a U-Haul and the gas for the trip) after living in fear of scratching the wood or damaging the upholstery. </p>
<p>I was in a similar situation 6 months ago. I bought the mattress from the guy moving out. Later bought a desk and chair. Have since given that desk away in favor of a better desk (that first desk I bought does not move well at all), bought a bed, dresser, and better chair. Parents didn’t help me with that at all I guess, but it’s not all that complicated of a thing to do. You go to the store, pick out what you want, buy it. </p>
<p>The one thing though, tell him to never ever buy anything from IKEA. It’s all junk and it’s a terrible store. The service is terrible, the store logistics is terrible, the product quality is terrible. Every thing that could be bad about a furniture store is brought out in full force at IKEA.</p>
<p>By the way, I’ll say the “first apartments tend to not last long” thing definitely applies to me and a lot of people I knew. I stayed at my first apartment here for 3 months before deciding the commute was just not worth the $100 a month I saved on rent (of with I then had to spend most of for the extra gas). The next place I found I’m much happier with. Just because he found a place doesn’t mean he’ll stay there very long, he might find that he wants to get somewhere new or that this apartment just doesn’t work for him for one reason or another. </p>
<p>I helped son furnish his first apt, with a bed, futon, all the kitchen stuff (from BB&B & Target). We bought other items from a neighbor moving out. Then son moved across country to a studio, then once again, X-country to a dorm. Most of that furniture was given to charity. 2 years later, an apartment. This time he went to Ikea with roommates and bought a bed & dresser. Now he is renting a furnished room across country for a year.</p>
<p>So, thankfully, did not purchase high end stuff nor ship him any furniture from my house.</p>
<p>I love Ikea.
I have a leather love seat that my mom had for several years, then it moved to my daughters college town and resided in her boyfriends condo after she moved to a house that already had plenty of living room furniture. Now it’s in our study.
IKEA has good stuff, you just need to know enough about construction techniques and materials used, to pick out something that will last.</p>
<p>H& I lived in our first apt for 4 years.
I don’t even know why we moved except that a nice house in a much nicer neighborhood and closer to work dropped in our lap.</p>
<p>But moving is a pain.</p>
<p>Huh. We have about 10 bookcases from Ikea in the basement, office, etc. Some are more than 10 years old. Our dish set, a wonderful eggplant purple, is from Ikea and is 5 years old and looks fine. Oh, and our TV stand, which I believe is solid wood is also from Ikea and it’s maybe 6 or 7 years old. YYMV I guess. And, as EK says, you have to know how to assemble. </p>
<p>Ours had lived at home a while, and we used his rent he’d paid us to pay his security deposit. He gave me most of the rest, and asked me to buy him what he would need to survive. (he is ADHD, and knew he would stress over the purchasing) it was fun, and I was helpful to him and could channel my anxiety and grief into nesting . Because it was his money, I consulted on a few big items – a new mattress and bed frame, a dresser…and it all turned out okay. We gave him some odds and ends from the house – a small dinette we had saved, a couple bookcases in the attic. Everything else (dishes, kitchenware) was from thrift shops, and paid for by him. He shopped himself for a TV, coffee table…and sometimes when he was overwhelmed, he would call and we’d make a shopping date. I have really good memories from the move, which was unexpected.</p>
<p>V, glad you are happy with the move. </p>
<p>Also love IKEA, except the weight of the items. You have to select with care. D’s dresser and a storage unit are going on 6 years. </p>
<p>We live in the NYC suburbs and both my kids want/wanted to be living in Manhattan. The commute is expensive and parking is NOT FUN. It was a relief when S1 announced that he would be renting a small chunk of an apartment with a college friend and 2 additional roommates. S2 has had several internships in the big city, and I am “so done” with supporting the commute. Looking forward to his first <em>real job</em> and a potential apartment.</p>
<p>We’ll help him with a few items to get started – he is just about all set with his kitchen stuff. He’ll need a bed, a wardrobe, and probably a small dresser for the place he has in mind (empty bedroom in friend’s apartment).</p>
<p>D1 received $500 graduation gift from her aunt and she use that money to buy all IKEA furniture for her room. She refused to take my small nice dining table because her roommate already has one. I gave her a trash can with a lid that I purchased from Costco, it’s a small apartment and things could get really smelly in there.
When she moved the second time to her current apartment after earning some money, she threw some old IKEA furniture away, they don’t reassemble really well and bought new IKEA furniture. My husband and I gave her our old 55 inch TV because we wanted to buy a new and bigger one for our house.
Some IKEA furnitures last forever, like bookcases, and some don’t.</p>
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<p>My guest bedroom is furnished with IKEA furniture, and my kids assure me that the beds are more comfortable than the ‘traditional’ furniture beds in their rooms. I gave my D1 a good-sized IKEA gift card when she graduated from college. She recently used it to purchase a couch when her roommate moved and took the living room furniture with her. </p>
<p>Most of their first working apartment furniture was the Ikea and similar stuff we had already purchased two years earlier for off campus college apartments. We did get them new mattresses, and also paid to have some things shipped. </p>
<p>My kid is furnishing his place with mid century modern used furniture. He likes the style…am she also likes the nice woods he is getting. He has a bunch of used furniture places he frequents. He has had good luck with Craigslist also. Bed was purchased new, and his kitchen table is a drop leaf from IKEA. He is taking his time finding the things HE likes…including pics for the walls, rugs, and the like.</p>
<p>He took a set of Pottery Barn dishes with him that I got at Goodwill. He also has some of our old eating silverware. </p>
<p>He is taking his time, and having fun picking out what he wants.</p>
<p>I just got back from visiting my kid who has been working 3.5 thousand miles away since he graduated 4 years ago. This is the first time I’ve seen his place. He lives in a semi-furnished basement apartment in a family home. He has had various roommates. Yikes. It was dismal. Bare used-to-be-white walls. Stained old carpet/linoleum. Grungy bathroom.Icky kitchen. Torn vinyl chairs/woodgrain-look table from the 70s. Saggy couch. His bed is a pile of 3 old mattresses. I kept thinking how much better the place would look with a coat of paint and the carpet cleaned. Some colorful posters on the walls, a tablecloth, etc. It needs a woman’s touch, I suppose. (Actually, it needs an extreme makeover.) S has spent his money on camera lenses, a new computer, and a keyboard. He is very much involved with his work and apparently doesn’t care about decorating. I am not in a position to interfere. But if I lived closer, I might help him out a bit. He’s an adult, so minding my own business. </p>
<p>So I have to say this… your son wants to move out and he isn’t doing anything to furnish his apartment. Isn’t this really HIS problem? I wonder if he feels a bit smothered – maybe it is best to let him take a sparse, bohemian approach on his own unless he specifically asks for help.</p>
<p>Wow, I guess I’m a bad parent. 
I didn’t really buy S anything to furnish any of his places with other than as an entering freshman, we helped him get a set of utensils, rice cooker and one or two settings of everyday dishes, plus a lamp. He acquired the rest. For D, we just bought her whatever she didn’t get from S. When he moved from West to East Coast, he handled it all himself, selling on Craigslist or elsewhere whatever he didn’t want to move and having the movers move the rest. He lived 3 places in 6 months when he started work, but has lived in his last place for nearly 2 years now. He is proud of having furnished all himself, the way HE wants it. :)</p>
<p>When we visit, we cook him food that he likes that we all eat and leave him the leftovers to eat or freeze & enjoy later. I’m pleased that his place is very nice, clean, cheerful and tastefully furnished (much nicer than the place I lived in when I was starting my career and slept on a mattress on the floor plus the dresser I moved from my folks’ home). My folks never bought me any furniture and we haven’t purchased any for either kid–they’ve enjoyed selecting their own stuff.</p>
<p>S now lives 5000 miles from me and D 2500 miles. I see them several times a year. As they don’t even live in the state or city I do, there was never any question of whether they’d live with us or live elsewhere. If they do move back to HI, I think I’d like them to move to their own places, but they are of course welcome here if they’d like to stay here until they figure out what they’d like. I moved out about 1 month after returning from law school to start my career–the apartment was much more spacious than a shared bedroom and I loved living on my own.</p>
<p>I think your S is telling you he wants to do it on his own. Think of the sense of accomplishment he will have if he’s given the space to make his own choices, possibly mistakes and find solutions.</p>
<p>I’m old school, I guess, in this regard and feel it’s somewhat selfish of a parent to play too large a role in this, unless asked (and even then I would try to find a way to push it back onto the child). I enjoyed furnishing my own place, why wouldn’t my child? And if my child is content with the bare minimum, why clutter it up? I admit it would be hard to see them living in squalor but as they are adults unless it’s a public health hazard, they are entitled to choose.</p>
<p>One experience builds on another - baby steps, like Bill Murray says in “What About Bob?” The feeling of accomplishment and competence he will gain from making his own way will spill over into his professional and personal life. I wouldn’t rob him of that - this is a son who has made his feelings known.</p>