Son's first apartment, what to do??

<p>I like a couple of the ideas already mentioned in the thread …</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Gift cards to IKEA or Crate and Barrel or wherever</p></li>
<li><p>On offer to have/borrow the extra stuff in your house. Given your son’s desire to be on his own “borrowing” things may go over better. We have too many sheets, towels, pots, etc.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>What? Make sure he has everything he needs? You mean love and advice, right? He does not really need or want ‘stuff’ from you. When he asks for help, give it. Otherwise, just be a sounding board. Buy him a housewarming gift similar to that you would buy a close family friend or maybe a niece or nephew.</p>

<p>I lived with little or no furniture until I could afford it. It is part of the maturation process. Now is the time for you and your spouse to back off and let him fly. He will come back. Promise.</p>

<p>Thank you all for your responses. I guess my concern is, if he’s moving out in a month, shouldn’t he be doing something??? I’m sure that part of the problem is that we’ve made his life too easy. I’ve packed and unpacked his stuff for college, moved him in and out of dorms and apartments. And I think now, for this move, he should be doing something. Especially since he has made it so clear that he wants out. Maybe living in a empty apartment would help him to realize that the things he takes for granted don’t just grow on trees. You have to actually go to a store and pay for them.</p>

<p>He will be fine and I totally support his desire to move out. I’m actually very proud that he is able to, transitions are always difficult. I’m trying to give him his space, but also feeling the need to light a fire under him.</p>

<p>As long as he has a mattress to sleep on, he will be fine. As far as household stuff he needs, he can order most of them on Amazon and they deliver within few days. Recently, I had a new ironing board, few kitchen gadgets delivered right to my apartment in 2 days. </p>

<p>Transition is hard both on parents and young adults. I still remember when D1 complained about her bedroom without an AC, my inclination was to order it for her. It took a lot of self restraint to do nothing. Last week she told me it was all taken care of. I have learned to just listen more and not scoop down to fix things. That being said, we did buy D1 a very nice mattress as a house warming gift. It is something she’ll have for a long time. She took a lot of our furniture from our old house when we down sized to an apartment. They look wonderful in her new apartment.</p>

<p>tired already, no wonder you are tired. You have done much for him historically. Sit back and watch for a spell, and you just might be asked for help or advice, with a little more gratitude than if you had taken initiative in advance of the request. This generation tends to do things very last minute. Respect your hurt at the way this was announced, let him go gracefully, and see how events develop. When he moves, perhaps he’ll be a little panicked at the sight of the empty walls and rooms, and when he turns to you, you can offer to help him with an item or two. Or the contents of your basement. </p>

<p>Ironic timing for me, as D is here in town, though will be moving into a solo place in DC in August. We were garage sale and Goodwill shopping, as she’d far prefer a few piece of mis matched good china and serving bowls to Ikea stuff, though she’ll have plenty of that as well. Boxes are being packed to mail in August. </p>

<p>There is what we WOULD do for our kids and what we SHOULD do and what they WANT us to do. These may be very different lists. </p>

<p>Congratulations on raising a young man who is employed and has the confidence to head out into independent life. This should be the goal for all of us.</p>

<p>Let him guide you - if ends up in his empty apartment eating off paper plates and sleeping on a bare mattress - he won’t get sick. He will have to figure out how to furnish and clean his apartment. If he realizes after a few days/weeks/months that he needs help to do that, you can be there with an open door to support him when he asks for it. If you push too hard when he isn’t asking, he might not be willing to ask for help later. </p>

<p>I have seen that some boys just don’t care. I shared a house in college and the guys never really bought bedroom furniture…just had a matress on the floor and a folding table as a desk.</p>

<p>I got a matress with a cheap frame, shelving from ikea and a floor sample desk from Sears.</p>

<p>I have seen guys who care more about the car than furniture…so they have a TV and some plastic outside chairs. </p>

<p>Personally I would give him the bed and the chair, and any extra household items from the kitchen or whatever.<br>
Then let him figure it out. When Christmas/birthday/Hanukkah/time of your choice comes aroudn, maybe gift him some thing if he would like.</p>

<p>tired already - your son sounds like my D’s male friends. When D last moved, she packed everything up, arranged for movers to move her furniture (yay! no more “Mom and Dad Moving Company”), did all the utility hook-ups, changed her address, and handled all the nuts and bolts of the process - weeks in advance with no prompting from me. </p>

<p>Her bf, on the other hand, didn’t reserve a U-Haul until the night before the move and was surprised when nothing was available to rent. </p>

<p>And yet - they both got moved and learned some lessons in the process. It WILL work out.</p>

<p>By the way, we love IKEA. sseamom, I think my D has the same eggplant dishes, and we have several bookcases, too. </p>

<p>“I have seen that some boys just don’t care. I shared a house in college and the guys never really bought bedroom furniture…just had a matress on the floor and a folding table as a desk.”</p>

<p>It’s true of some girls too. OP, I am not sure why you think he needs a fire lit under him. If he wants just the basics, it will do. Honestly, a place to sleep (even a futon) will be enough to start, and he can get whatever else he needs. He really, really doesn’t need more than that, especially since he doesn’t care about it. I had one piece of furniture (futon) when I moved into my first apartment, and that didn’t bother me one bit.</p>

<p>Gosh, he doesn’t even need a bed! When my D moved, she slept in her quality sleeping bag from her outdoor adventure days until the bed her dad ordered was delivered. I’m guessing, OP, that if your son is smart enough to have made it through college and able to get himself a job that pays well enough to immediately move out, he knows exactly what he needs to do. He’ll do it, but it probably won’t be on your timetable. But I agree with the person above-you’ve already done so much for him-it’s time for him to do for himself.</p>

<p>My S wouldn’t wait until the last minute but he absolutely cares more about his boat and his car than where he sleeps and what he eats on or cooks with. </p>

<p>Tired already, if you have “taken care of things in the past” with previous moves and see no current movement of him getting prepared, than he really might be clueless and you might just want to make a statement - “S, only 4 more weeks till you move - wow, can’t believe it! Just a heads up that I’m not planning on being the organizer for this move. I’m assuming that you’ve thought about what you need or will take. If there is one or two things you need help with, make sure you give me enough notice. So cool that you get to plan your new place!” - that puts it out there that THIS move he’s in charge (as should be and as he indicates he wants) and that you have bowed out unlike the dorm moves. </p>

<p>^ agree with abasket. I wonder if OP is also thinking about more than furniture- how he needs to get his clothes ready, maybe buy a few new shirts, find that sweater. To moms, a month can seem like a 4-week to do list. To kids, they only need a day or two and if they forget something, they figure it out. Many of us are saying, that’s part of the adventure. </p>

<p>All I usually say is: ‘okay, you’ve got a month, anticipate what you’ll need, for work, play and if the weather changes. You may need to shop. I can help with that, if you want.’ I do remind them of bigger thing like the right ID for the I-9 or the cell charger (so they can call us, of course.) </p>

<p>Oldfort, Mattress? That is a luxury item. Needs a blanket, toothbrush, clothes. He’ll figure it out. </p>

<p>Mom, yes. Stop doing things for him. Go to a spa, relax and he will eventually manage. Absolutely be there for his questions, but he has to start sometime. You did your job, let him fly his own way even if he falls a few times.</p>

<p>Boxes can be used as tables. I had a ironing board that doubled as a breakfast bar (my job required suit and tie, so I had to iron).</p>

<p>His priorities will change. For now, sit back and enjoy watching. He’ll be fine.</p>

<p>I like the suggestion above to give your S a heads up that this time he’s on his own, since you helped so much in prior years. For our kids, we mainly helped them with their first move into their U housing. We also helped when we were there for S"s graduation so we helped both of them get items to storage and then out of storage to S"s apartment after we finished the roadtrip we took for S’s graduation. All their many other moves were on their own (and with what friends they cobbled together). I agree that you, mom, should plan on being quite busy with spa and maybe a well-earned vaxation during your S’s move. Congrats to you & him that he has a job and a place to move to!</p>

<p>I’m not clear on what needs to be done a month before. As others have said , he can live for a while with minimal stuff. He may think it’s not worth buying big items before he can move them in. Even if there is extra space for, say, a couch at your house–why buy it now and just have to move it in a </p>

<p>“Boxes can be used as tables.” <— YES!</p>

<p>Just remembered that younger d also lucked out as we had a cousin who had sold his house and was relocating so she did inherit his kitchen table along with some additional random kitchen things . She’s since replaced the chairs with chairs she liked better from IKEA. She is a pretty strong baker and cook and so she has acquired many nice baking items on her own as well as a nice collection of cookbooks, some of which were also holiday and birthday gifts along the way. </p>