<p>Oops, my reply posted before I got to see the two posts above mine. Ugh. It sounds like you are doing almost everything you can possibly do. Very tough situation - - it would drive me berserk because I HATE being late. I would be especially mad if my son texted the other child, and then the other child didn’t start getting ready right then and there.</p>
<p>How old are these kids? If its been going on for years maybe it would be easier to avoid a confrontation (since that seems important to OP) and wait till they just start driving themselves. </p>
<p>I have dealt this this but never for years. Usually, activities end and the problem goes away. My D was very upset by lateness (it’s embarrassing) and we did stop inviting one chronically late girl to certain events. Just too much hassle.</p>
<p>Has the mom ever called the other MOM and said, “I’m leaving in 10 minutes, is Johnny nearly ready? If not, can you make sure he is ready by the time I get there? I really have to leave your home by XXX so we’re not late.”</p>
<p>This thread inspired me to google why people are often late… there were several theories:</p>
<p>1) Control/rebellion</p>
<p>2) Not being able to truly estimate how long it takes to get ready</p>
<p>3) Not including “pad time” for when something odd comes up.</p>
<p>4) Not wanting to stop what a person WAS doing (sleeping, watching TV) to go get ready. </p>
<p>There were other reasons as well…</p>
<p>My H and one of my son’s refuse to include “pad time”…they’ll sleep until the very last minute, and then when there’s a hiccup, they’re late.</p>
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<p>I don’t really agree with this. I would have started with the other mom on this… not tried to get it resolved between the kids. The OP hasn’t tried what is the most likely solution, which is reaching an agreement between the adults. I also would tell the mom you have been coming early partly because you know it is the only way to get to practice on time (she hopefully will realize that it is her job, not yours, to get her kid around and ready on time).</p>
<p>How many in the car pool. You would think the other kids would say something to this kid because they wouldn’t want to be late. Most coaches do not tolerate lateness and usually results in some laps to be run. Don’t the other kids say anything?</p>
<p>It is obvious from the posts already that it is just these two kids.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to discuss this issue with the other family, and you don’t want to stop this carpool for other reasons, then I think you are just stuck being late. That would drive me…and my kid crazy.</p>
<p>If dinner social is important, schedule that on a night when the kids don’t have this joint commitment. I would suggest you NOT make a souffl</p>
<p>Don’t the kids care? Because if one of my son’s freinds was making him late to practice I have a feeling he would want that fixed, pronto.</p>
<p>I’m still baffled by…years.</p>
<p>years is odd? You would think a simple talk to the mother would solve the problem, if not, then at least you tried and can move on. Is practice the same time on the days you go?</p>
<p>I think Flossy is baffled that the OP has put up with this for years and never said anything to the mom. Either she hasn’t wanted to rock the boat in the relationship with the other family, or it has gotten worse recently (or both).</p>
<p>I’m a very punctual person and DH is almost always late. It can be really, really infuriating. DH is usually late because he sincerely believes he will get there on time even if he leaves late. All the stop lights will be green, there will be no accidents, etc. If I dispute this, he gets really annoyed with my “negativity.” “It’s going to be FINE! GEEZ, relax!” Of course, 99% of the time we have these exchanges, we end up late. It causes a lot of tension.</p>
<p>If he wasn’t such a good guy otherwise, I would have blown him off after the 4th or 5th date, when I realized this was a pattern. Over the years, he’s gotten a little bit better, and I really only mean a little. </p>
<p>This kid apparently gets to school on time, so when it’s worth it to HIM, he can be punctual. He’s inconsiderate of his parents’ money, the OP’s time and money, and the OP’s son’s time. He has received zero consequences, so nothing will change.</p>
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Seriously? If you’ve allowed it to go on for years, there is little to no chance you can effect a change short of no longer carpooling or leaving without him, which you are not willing to do. So just set the time you will pick him up 20 min before you would really need to be there and sit in his driveway honking the horn every few minutes. Maybe his neighbors will complain and he will have to get in gear. But don’t count on it.</p>
<p>Just reading this thread is making my blood pressure go up. I hate to be late. I wish some of the chronically late would chime in and let us know why they refuse to be on time.</p>
<p>I would talk to the Mom. It probably won’t help but at least you tried. Then your choices are to grin and bear it or stop car pooling.</p>
<p>Oh, and as for suggestions? I guess those extra 15-20 min in the kid’s driveway will be time you can bond with your son or read the cc app on your cellphone ;)</p>
<p>Look, OP has allowed this behavior to continue for years, and the kid has suffered no consequences so why would anyone expect different behavior. This wouldn’t have happened three times in a row for me, but for whatever reason it doesn’t bother OP enough to make a change. I’d talk to the mom because I don’t like being taken advantage of, but OP has been hesitant to do that. </p>
<p>I’ve always thought being late was about control. And I don’t mean a conscious effort to exert control over another person. I mean a subconscious need to always be in charge of what is happening.</p>
<p>I think the mom needs to wait IN their home, not on the driveway. At least while in the home she may be able to see if the kid is still goofing off. Sitting in the driveway may mean that the kid will continue to watch TV, play on his computer, etc. </p>
<p>I think waiting inside will also pressure the mom to make sure her son is really getting ready…and will be a bit embarrassing for her…which is good.</p>
<p>What exactly is involved with this “getting ready” process? Do the kids have to wear certain clothes? If the kid has been at school earlier in the day, isn’t he already dressed and showered?</p>
<p>If the practice involves putting on something complicated, then definitely have your child dress there, too. lol</p>
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<p>This, exactly. I’ve had two good friends who were chronically late for everything, and this was definitely the root of the problem. In both cases I learned to tell them that we needed to be somewhere half an hour earlier than we actually did. That way they were (mostly) on time. Until I figured that out, it drove me nuts, since I’m chronically early!</p>
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<p>It can be, but isn’t necessarily so. I saw a Dr. Phil episode once where he gave several reasons for people being chronically late. One of them was control, one was passive aggression, and there were a couple of others, but the one which resonated with me relative to my DH was “arrogance.” It’s not arrogance in the way you might think, it’s an arrogance to think one can leave at the last minute, leave no time for contingencies like traffic or red lights, etc. and still come out okay. This person basically thinks they are so special that no matter what, things will go their way so that they get there on time. When I heard that one, I thought “bingo.” DH always has a belief that things will go his way. At times, it’s very magical thinking. The problem is that enough times things do INEXPLICABLY go his way so that he is reinforced in his thinking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to book a flight with miles or reserve a hotel room to be told that there is no availability. DH never believes me, picks up the phone to “just make sure,” and somehow comes back with the flight reservations or hotel room. It’s frustrating to deal with, no question.</p>
<p>The people I know who are always late are so not because of control issues, but just not knowing when it is time to start to get ready. You would think after a few times being late they would catch on, but they just don’t.</p>