<p>To me, making a time to do something with someone is an agreement. Don’t make that agreement if you can’t keep it, make one you CAN keep. Breaking that agreement - especially regularly and/or without a phone call - is incredibly rude.</p>
<p>I have a couple of family members who are always late and so I adjust - tell them earlier, whatever. They are family and I have to deal with them. But there are people I definitely avoid making plans with because they are constantly late. I resent it and don’t feel comfortable saying so, so I just avoid them.</p>
<p>Adults (and kids) with ADHD don’t learn from mistakes. I have a close relative with ADHD and for as long as I can remember, she is continually late for everything. Double and triple books everything and underestimates how long things take to complete.</p>
<p>It. Is. Maddening.</p>
<p>And God forbid anyone call her out on it. Shame on us for noticing.</p>
<p>That’s partially correct. The ADHD impulsive type are the ones that tend to make the same mistake repeatedly because they are, well, impulsive. It’s less true for the inattentive and overactive types. That said the organization/ executive function challenges for many ADHD folks can contribute to time management, planning, and problem solving issues.</p>
<p>Adults (and kids) with ADHD don’t learn from mistakes. I have a close relative with ADHD and for as long as I can remember, she is continually late for everything. Double and triple books everything and underestimates how long things take to complete.</p>
<p>It. Is. Maddening.</p>
<p>And God forbid anyone call her out on it. Shame on us for noticing.*</p>
<p>I think this is true, but maybe these particular ADHD folks have something else going on as well that limits their ability to take responsibility for their choices (or impulsive behavior).</p>
<p>While some ADHD folks tend to look for external causes of their behavior (ie " I didn’t drop it, it fell out of my hands") it’s a sweeping overgeneralization to day that’s ADHD folks don’t take responsibility. In fact the impulsive ones often acknowledge how hard they are trying.</p>
<p>I think mom was referencing “these particular ADHD folks”, that have a SEPARATE problem of taking responsibility. </p>
<p>My ADHD kid, who was the poster child for hyperactivity and impulsivity as a child, is the one who now tries to organize group activities, and is …“driven to distraction” that his friends can be such flakes.</p>
<p>What “particular ADHD” kids, shrinkrap? She was quoting and responding to EPTR’s post #122, which doesn’t reference any “particular” ADHD subtype.</p>
<p>** And nice play on Hallowell’s book title :)</p>
<p>** You edited your post, and I gather you are saying that you read m2ck’s posts as saying there are some kids with comorbid diagnoses or issues that would cause them to fail to take responsibility for their behavior. That is true, but there are of course plenty of kids without ADHD who dont take responsibility for their behavior.</p>
<p>Didn’t the OP say that the kid in question gets to school on time? I also suspect that the kid doesn’t really feel like going to the skills sessions.</p>
<p>Wo. I hope my last post wasn’t taken as a slam at people with ADHD. I was just pointing out that it is my understanding and experience that people with ADHD have a very difficult time with time management. My relative does and this has not gotten better as she has aged. She is definitely the impulsive type.</p>
<p>I have, actually, wondered if there is a co-morbid condition that contributes to the issues. She is unable to take responsibility for the messes she makes (both literally and figuratively) and blames others for everything. If we point out that we have been inconvenienced, she feels victimized that we are picking on her.</p>
<p>This is my hunch as well. It’s possible that the boy is continuing the activity because his parents who may be both working want him out of the house and doing something active and productive at least once a week after school. It’s a shame the family can’t find something that the kid would be eager enough to do that he’d not want to waste the time.</p>
<p>*While some ADHD folks tend to look for external causes of their behavior (ie " I didn’t drop it, it fell out of my hands") *</p>
<p>lol…sounds like my H…“I didn’t play poorly today at golf, I had bad luck.”</p>
<p>In fact the impulsive ones often acknowledge how hard they are trying.</p>
<p>How hard they are trying not to be impulsive? how hard they are trying to take responsibility for their actions?</p>
<p>*I think mom was referencing “these particular ADHD folks”, that have a SEPARATE problem of taking responsibility. *</p>
<p>Yep. I was implying that sometimes there is co-morbidity. I wasn’t saying that all ADHD people do or don’t do anything in particular.</p>
<p>Didn’t the OP say that the kid in question gets to school on time? I also suspect that the kid doesn’t really feel like going to the skills sessions.</p>
<p>Yes, many of us suspect that. Heck, he may not want to get to school on time, either, but there may be a parent at home in the mornings that makes sure he does. ;)</p>
<p>I don’t think it matters why the kiddo is late. Fact is…he is always late and it is annoying to others. The mom is also late when she drives…so it’s not ONLY the kid.</p>
<p>I am not going to back seat diagnose issues on an online forum. And really it’s not going to change the facts…they are late. </p>
<p>I hope the OP is able to have a friendly talk with the mom about this, and they can come to a reasonable solution that actually works.</p>