<p>OP - Your friend sounds like a nice lady. She’d probably want to try harder if you explained the impact to her more. </p>
<p>Funny story - a coworker once hustled of quickly to a training class. “The instructor makes us SING a song if we are late. Nobody dares to be late.”</p>
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<p>I do this too, and I have tried to train my kids to show this courtesy to people who are giving them rides as well.</p>
<p>I have also taught my daughter, who has her own car, that it is her prerogative not to wait for friends who are habitually late or not ready at the time they have agreed on leaving. Recently one of her friends was being dropped off at our house by her mom, and my D was going to drive her to another friend’s house. The friend was more than a half hour late, during which time my D texted her several times to say she was going to have to leave. Finally, I said “you should just go,” and she did. Minutes later the girl and her mom showed up and seemed completely unapologetic as well as miffed that my D left without her. The mom refused to drive her daughter right away (even though it would have taken only 25 minutes round trip) and made her wait several hours before delivering her to the third girl’s house. As someone said upthread, a lot of this stuff is about power and control.</p>
<p>OP said the child is not late to school, so possibly there’s a reason why he’s always 15 minutes late to practice?</p>
<p>If mom is home in the morning and makes sure that son gets up and ready for school, but isn’t home from work when son is supposed to be getting ready for afternoon pick-up, then son is likely goofing off til the last minute.</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP has mentioned that when she shows up and the boy hasn’t started getting ready, that the mom is there. I would think if the mom were there and saw that her son hadn’t even started to get ready, the issue would have been resolved awhile ago. </p>
<p>But, maybe I’m guessing wrong.</p>
<p>Um…most schools have consequences for late students. There hasn’t been any consequence for this lateness for this practice carpool.</p>
<p>My kids did skills sessions as described. They didn’t always want to go; the friend is probably tired and hungry after school and is just a little sluggish getting going. My kids were the same way for their soccer stuff. But these sessions are expensive, so you do what you have to do, and usually my girls actually enjoyed them once they got going. That’s why I’m in agreement the Mom probably isn’t there. She would be pressing, knowing that her money is being spent not on skills, but on her son’s lollygagging. Paying good money for your son to amble around the house looking for his socks, equipment, etc. rather than the training for which you have signed up for? No, not many parents I know who would be okay with this.</p>
<p>Paying good money for your son to amble around the house looking for his socks, equipment, etc. rather than the training for which you have signed up for? No, not many parents I know who would be okay with this.</p>
<p>Right…I think the OP said that the lessons are an hour and 15 minutes (or something like that). The kid has figured out that for every minute he wastes, it’s less practice time. No consequences. Why stop Nintendo or Facebook to get to something that he doesn’t want to spend 75 minutes doing.</p>
<p>^Exactly…only X box and instagram…</p>
<p>I think there are some people who consistently underestimate how long it takes to do certain things, or to drive certain distances. My wife is like this–she doesn’t like to be late, but she regularly doesn’t leave enough time to get where she needs to go. I think it may be similar to people who don’t have a good sense of direction–some people don’t have a good sense of time. They think they can get ready “in five minutes,” although they actually can’t.</p>
<p>Is it possible this kid doesn’t want to do this practice? Seems to me if most people are eager to get somewhere and do something they prioritize getting ready. I’m not a huge fan of the overscheduled lives some of these kids live and maybe this is just his little rebellion.</p>
<p>True, but it doesn’t matter whether the kid wants to go or not in this case. The bottom line is he’s made a commitment and is hindering OP’s ability to get her kid there on time.</p>
<p>^^^
Agree with this. But I also think that OP is hindering her son’s ability to get there on time by continuing a carpool that clearly doesn’t work for him, or her for that matter. Maintaining friendships is important, but when the friendship begins to negatively impact you or your family, it is time to re-evaluate.</p>
<p>True dat. :)</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. DH consistently underestimates how long it takes to do things or how long it takes to get somewhere. Back when we were dating, if he had a rugby game at 2:00 PM, I’d ask him when he thought he’d be home. He’d routinely say 4:30 PM and he would routinely be home by 8:00 PM. :eek:</p>
<p>I liked the post that had the four reasons why people might be late. I am an ontime person who has a SIL who is cronically late…she never pads and takes on too much (like being up until 5 am hand making pies) and ends up in the shower when they should be leaving and my brother has taken to just driving separately to certain functions…AND a BFF who is frequently VERY late (like an hour or more) both because she underestimates how long it will take to finish what she is working on and she always wants to look great. I learned to listen when my BFF says “I’m shooting for 2…”</p>
<p>I’ve found, for me and our relationships, that it’s very important NOT to attribute it to control issues or lack of respect because that is just crazy-making. I just adjust my own expectations. </p>
<p>I count my blessings, however, that I am not in carpool with either one!</p>
<p>*I think there are some people who consistently underestimate how long it takes to do certain things, or to drive certain distances. My wife is like this–she doesn’t like to be late, but she regularly doesn’t leave enough time to get where she needs to go. I think it may be similar to people who don’t have a good sense of direction–some people don’t have a good sense of time. They think they can get ready “in five minutes,” although they actually can’t.
*</p>
<p>Very true. But, I don’t think that is really, really the case here. While the kid may be goofing off til the last second (when the doorbell rings), and he may think, “it will just take me a second to get ready,” this seems to be more of a situation where the kid knows that he’s “eating up” his practice time, which isn’t a priority to him.</p>
<p>DH consistently underestimates how long it takes to do things or how long it takes to get somewhere. Back when we were dating, if he had a rugby game at 2:00 PM, I’d ask him when he thought he’d be home. He’d routinely say 4:30 PM and he would routinely be home by 8:00 PM</p>
<p>MY H was like that when we were first dating. I called him the King of Double Booking because he’d grossly underestimate how long things took and would commit to two things that weren’t really possible to do on the same day due to the amount of time each event would take. He’s a “math person” but wouldn’t “do the math”. :(</p>
<p>mom2collegekids, my DH is also a math person. Now I know that while he’s very smart, he just can’t tell time.</p>
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<p>But we learn from our mistakes. So if one doesn’t allow enough time to get ready, one would adjust the time in subsequent situations.</p>
<p>So I don’t buy it. If it happens consistently, something else is going on.</p>
<p>Flymetothemoon, I have to agree with you. </p>
<p>For instance I have dinner plans with another couple. I look at my schedule and make the commitment and then I don’t make other plans or make plans when I have other stuff going on. I don’t go on a 2 hour bike ride 2.5 hours before I have to be somewhere that is half an hour away. I don’t promise my kids that I will drive them somewhere then make dinner plans with another couple at the same time. I don’t then change dinner plans and leave for my new dinner reservations 10 minutes before the reservations when it’s a 40 minute drive. It’s rude to my kids that I’ve made a commitment to and it’s rude to the couple I’ve made plans with. </p>
<p>Can you tell that this is making me crazy just thinking about it. </p>
<p>As someone who is still trying to get people to commit to thanksgiving plans a week and a half before. Love them, hate making plans with and only do when it’s important to other people in my family.</p>
<p>*But we learn from our mistakes. So if one doesn’t allow enough time to get ready, one would adjust the time in subsequent situations.</p>
<p>So I don’t buy it. If it happens consistently…*</p>
<p>Not really. Because underestimating how much time something takes is just part of how you relate to the world.
Just as some people have no sense of direction, or sense of smell.</p>
<p>The Thanksgiving plan dance makes me nuts too. One family has 2 “maybes” and another has a family member with migraines so they may cancel at the last minute, which then affects what they were going to bring to the meal. And I’ll set for everyone (21) knowing we may have less. Then again, I had to tell another family that we’d love to have them come over for dessert, but we just dont have the space for 3 more at the tables (unless someone of course cancels…)</p>
<p>Oh, and trying to get folks to commit to what they are bringing. Another challenge. But I think its done… maybe.</p>
<p>OK rant over-- back to late people. Hope the OP spoke to the mom yesterday and is willing to set a limit she can follow. Its hard to believe, though not impossible, that the mom has no clue her kid is habitually late.</p>