<p>When DS#1 was in college, his gf came to visit for a week. We gave her the guest room with private bath. They hung out hon her bed a lot, with the door open. I assume there was movement between the rooms when we went to bed. But as far as I am concerned, she had her own room.</p>
<p>well, your apartment is probably worth lots more than many of our suburban houses…</p>
<p>true ;), some of us live in Lake Wobegon & some of us live in Humptulips.
& some in lucky to have a closet , alone a small fire escape/balcony.</p>
<p>We have one closet which is accessible by the bedrooms on either side. ( & my D keeps pushing all my stuff back!) it provides a tiny bit of sound barrier but not much.
I think I will buy a screen for the room that the sofa bed is in .</p>
<p>Cracking up EK, did you have to reference Humptulips?</p>
<p>GF has been here for two nights. I don’t know what room she is sleeping in. I had son show her the guest room where I left her a small plant, clean towels and a water bottle. I wanted her to feel like she had a space of her own. Due to the layout of our house I don’t know if she has used it. First night they were still up when the rest of us went to bed. All the bedroom doors were closed when we went out in the AM. Last night they went out for New Years Eve with friends of my S and came home late, long after we had all went to bed. Once again this AM all bedroom doors were closed. I have not heard any complaints from his sisters so I don’t think they are bothering anyone. She leaves in the AM.
When son was a college freshman his GF was still in HS. He asked if she could stay the night. Our answer was always no WAY. We had a younger child in the house. Her Mom did not have a problem with him staying at their house.
I might feel differently if the layout of our house was different.</p>
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<p>Perhaps, although I doubt it. If it were 100 blocks farther south, it definitely would be, given the view of the Hudson River. But it’s an academic question, since I’m just a renter and couldn’t afford to buy my apartment even if it were currently for sale. Perhaps in another 10 years, when certain financial obligations are supposed to end, if I should live so long.</p>
<p>If I still lived in a house with a guest room, as I did when I was married, I’m not sure how I’d feel about this subject. Since my son was 10 when I was last in that living situation, the issue never came up! I think I’d probably let my son and any male overnight guest who was more than just a friend decide on whatever option made them the most comfortable, and the least embarrassed. I suspect that unless they were on a different floor, J. wouldn’t be any more likely to do anything other than sleep if I were home, than I would be if I brought someone home while J. was around. Like Bookworm, it never even crossed my mind to bring anyone to my apartment in the last ten years during a time when J. was home. I’d still feel weird doing that, even though he’s almost 21. (Obviously, it would be different if I were actually living with someone.)</p>
<p>Just going to bring up a little reminder that many of us college students would be horrified/wouldn’t dare to have sex at our parent’s house. However we do enjoy the time alone at night to cuddle, wind down, and talk (especially as the guest). And just because we live at each others’ places at school doesn’t mean we are all having sex either. It’s not uncommon for people to be sleeping together without actually ‘sleeping together’.</p>
<p>The son wants the GF to stay in his room… but is that the arrangement she’s pushing for as well? If she doesn’t know the OP/hosts/his parents very well yet, there’s probably a good chance she’d like to stay wherever is most likely to keep the peace.</p>
<p>Yes, Yau, we parents were actually young once :-)</p>
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<p>I’m trying to think of a good rationale for this policy and but I am coming up empty-completely baffled.</p>
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<p>Not in our house. Not by a long shot.</p>
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<p>Okay, upon further reflection, perhaps it has to do with specifics of the kids involved vs. “it’s okay for boys but not for girls?”</p>
<p>In our house, I am way more laid back about relationship things than my husband. Of course, we have two daughters.</p>
<p>The first time the college boyfriend visited, we went through the motions of the separate room, just because, frankly, the other is TMI.</p>
<p>They have been together for two years now. He always puts his stuff in the guest room but it doesn’t really look like he sleeps in there, frankly, but it’s not something I want to really discuss. ;)</p>
<p>I would just like to take another shot at the “morality” part of this. I was raised–and raised my kids–to think that sex should be reserved for marriage. They know that I still think this. They also know that I don’t assume that they won’t have sex before marriage. I would also prefer that they not drink, that they not use bad language, and a number of other things. I realize that I can’t prevent them from doing those things, and I’m not going to go to great lengths to enforce my views. However, I do expect them to continue to respect my views when they come to my house.</p>
<p>One more point about this–even if something is a moral view, that doesn’t necessarily tell you how important the person thinks it is in the grand scheme. While I would prefer that my kids defer sex until marriage, if they don’t, I’m not going to disown them, or go berserk, etc. I’ll just be sorry about it. I would prefer that they didn’t drink, but I won’t even be all that sorry if they do. I would be much more upset if they started smoking cigarettes.</p>
<p>you all know, that in our house, we parents would be more than pleased that DS brought home a partner to share a room :)</p>
<p>^^^ Ditto LongPrime. I personally could not care less what mutual arrangement they came up with.</p>
<p>Back in the day, when I was at the young end of this particular question, I thought the separate room thing was a bit of a charade. But I have to say, my jaw dropped the first time my Asian mother put myself/BF together in a room first time he visited. Granted, I was over 30 at the time and she was quite anxious to have me find a husband :)</p>
<p>^LOL LongPrime, I think I would be relieved just to know my oldest had a boy or girlfriend.</p>
<p>At some point I was talking to my mother about this issue. (In the abstract, as by then we were all married.) She had generally given the significant other a room, and then had a DADT policy as to whatever else might happen. Anyway, she said it got more awkward when the friends of their generation started divorcing and then bringing their new significant others for visits, and they weren’t always clear as to what exactly the new relationship was yet. Luckily the house I designed for them made it easy. It had a guest suite way across the house from them that had a bedroom with a king size bed and another room layed out as a sitting room with a sofa bed. She just showed them all the options and let them worry about how they used the two rooms.</p>
<p>I didn’t weigh in on this discussion, but D’s boyfriend has been here since Wednesday and they didn’t ask to stay in her room, he is in the spare room that serves as my office. I have to admit, right about now I wish they HAD wanted to share her room. :)</p>
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<p>That is a VERY good point. There seems to have been an assumption that not putting them in the same room = disapproval, as in a HARUMPH, I STRONGLY DISAPPROVE type of way. It may just be a preference, such as Hunt describes, as opposed to “and if I find out that you have slept together, you’re out of the will.”</p>
<p>PG–I think that occurred because there was some use of the words “morals” and “conscience” early in the thread (not by you and some, but by others.) These words more denote “disapproval” than milder terms. I think it has become clearer that some preferences were motivated differently from others, as Hunt’s and your posts show.</p>
<p>A bunch of Fockers, we all are. :)</p>