<p>jcrs – That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.</p>
<p>Heavyheart, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had more to offer.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to jrcsmom and others here who have shared their stories. I know people who have had suicides in their families, and I cannot imagine anything tougher.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This statement has really convicted me. It may be normal human nature - who knows? - but whenevever someone young passes away, I am curious as to the cause. Why is that? I fear that buried deep down inside there is some sort of subconscious judgment going on…as if the family whose daughter OD’d is entitled to any more or less support than the family whose daughter died of cancer. Unless someone died of a communicable disease to which we have been exposed, or a serial killer is on the loose in the neighborhood, the actual cause of death should be irrelevant to us…if you are close enough to know, you already know. I am going to try very hard in the future to never entertain gossip about the cause of anyone’s death, and if I have done it in the past, I ask forgiveness.</p>
<p>Heavyheart, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. jrcsmom, you also have my deepest sympathy along with the other who have shared their stories. Thank you.</p>
<p>I’m very sorry, heavyheart. (((hugs)))</p>
<p>“This statement has really convicted me. It may be normal human nature - who knows? - but whenevever someone young passes away, I am curious as to the cause. Why is that? I fear that buried deep down inside there is some sort of subconscious judgment going on”</p>
<p>missypie, that may be, but I think there’s a kinder explanation. We want to know what happened to reassure ourselves that it won’t happen to us. We are seeking details that distinguish that family’s situation from ours. If you hear that someone else’s child died not wearing a seat belt, you can unconsciously think, “My child wears her seat belt, so our family will be all right.” Or you might think, “Her dad died at 82, my dad’s only 75, so he’ll live.” This isn’t judgment of the victim, it’s just the self-protective side of human nature. It’s not about how you’ll treat the grieving family; it’s about you.</p>
<p>jrcs, I am so sorry. Thank you for having the kindness and courage to share your story in the hope of helping others. </p>
<p>heavyheart, you didn’t fail your son.</p>
<p>Agree with 2kids above, heavyheart. You did not fail your son.</p>
<p>Jrcsmom, so very sorry for your loss and others who have posted of their losses.</p>
<p>I have manic-depressive symptoms / schizoaffective disorder, which is being treated with medication. Sometimes suicide seems pretty attractive, but then I remember how selfish that would be and how painful for my family. (But sometimes it is the thought that I have so many ideas to try out that would die with me that holds me back.) Yet sometimes it can get so bad that you forget that you have everyone else.</p>
<p>That rings true, evita. Glad you posted. Perhaps as more & more people step forward to tell their stories, the stigma of depression in our society will start to lift, and the terrible havoc it can wreak can be better understood.</p>
<p>I’m always surprised to find out how many families this kind of terrible tragedy has happened in. Like an earlier poster said whenever I hear of the death of someone young my first thought is those poor parents.</p>
<p>Maybe your son hung on as long as he did because of your love.</p>
<p>Maybe your son hung on as long as he did because of your love</p>
<p>I bet he did!!!</p>
<p>Sending you peace and healing, heavyheart, jrcs, and everyone who has been touched by this illness.</p>
<p>Hugs to you HH…I love what is posted above. It was YOUR LOVE that allowed him to survive as long as he did. Your pain has to be so heavy, but your love was a very bright light in his dark world.</p>
<p>Thank you to all who have posted links. I have started to read some of them and have sent them to my daughters as well.<br>
It is so helpful for me to hear of others in this situation. While I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy, it really does help to know I am not alone. This mishmash of feelings seem to be “normal” for this situation. jresmom Thanks you for sharing your story. My heart breaks for your mother. My heart breaks for you. You are suffering a double loss.<br>
While the 16 days we spent in the hospital with my son were agonizing, we did get to say goodbye. I feel especially at the beginning of the process, that my son was aware we were there and could hear us. All of his many friends, family, teammates, etc were able to come and see him, talk to him, hold his hand and express what he meant to them. For me hopefully when he died it wasn’t with the sense that “no one liked him” which was his preception. At one point the hospital staff suggested we might want to limit visitors to family. We chose not to do that for several reasons. One, we really do have a large family, 2. My son’s friends all considered him their brother, 3. We have large groups of friends that are family to us. We didn’t want to limit anyone from seeing him. The doctors also felt that the visitors were helpful as far as him reacting, remembering… In the end, we were able to donate some of his organs.
Hanna- I agree with your observation that people want to know what the cause of death is because it reassures them that it can’t happen to them. In our case our families’ influence in our community (which ended up being more than I ever imagined) prompted people to think, if it could happen to us, it could happen to them. I heard many stories of other families stories of depression. It is my hope too that people will become more proactive in getting help for this terrible disease.</p>
<p>HH, I would bet that your son felt all of the love from friends and family around him during those 16 days in the hospital. How wonderful that you were able to donate organs. I have a friend whose husband needed a heart transplant. He received that gift of life in 2008 and is doing very well. The donor’s family became a part of their family. He is alive and able to parent their young child because of their generosity.</p>
<p>If you sent me a PM, please make sure there is room in your inbox for a reply.</p>
<p>Heavyheart, I was watching Anderson Cooper today. He had his mom on who is
Gloria Vanderbilt. His brother, her son, commited suicide and they talk about it on the show. They also had Judy Collins on, who’s son also comitted suicide. One quote from her was “you never get over it, but you learn to live with it” She also had another quote and I paraphrase “life is about not seeing through people but seeing people through” She has also written a book called A Mothers Story. I am hoping today is one of those better days, and I am thinking of you.</p>
<p>what a nice post downtoearth!</p>
<p>My uncle jumped off the roof of a multistory parking lot 2 years ago and we have no idea why. One of his sons is disabled and doesn’t really understand what has happened. The younger son blames the older one for being disabled and putting the family under pressure caring for him. The whole thing is a complete nightmare and has torn my family apart.</p>
<p>I can’t say “I understand” Heavyheart because I know my loss does not compare to losing a child. However, the one thing this thread shows is that what you are going through is not uncommon, and people really do care. Please don’t feel alone.</p>