Southeast-Northwest ( USA)

Parent Cafe
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<p>I better say off the bat- this is for my own curiosity & information, I don’t travel much, but I am very interested in other areas.
I will admit that the reason why this particular region has piqued my interest is because d1 is in a serious relationship with a man from the south ( although he currently lives in the northwest)
She is meeting his parents next week- along with his siblings and their spouses. ( Her BF is the oldest- but she will fit right in- the two other women her age share her first name)
;)</p>

<p>I am assuming the parents are some what liberal as they are going to be sharing the same room, but in trying to find out about the region I did notice that in protocol somethings were fairly formal- for me who has lived her whole life in Seattle.</p>

<p>Engagement announcements are not only in the paper( we don’t print wedding announcements here)- but when the parents are mentioned it is only as Dr & Mrs…</p>

<p>I figure this is just a quirk, but any tips I can use to fit in with the culture in case I will also be visiting soon?</p>

2

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<p>New Englander here…engagement announcements and wedding announcements are in our papers all the time here…with photos of the bride and groom too. The families write these announcements so some use the parents’ first and last names and others use Dr. and Mrs. That is not uncommon in this area at all.</p>

<p>I don’t think there are any rights or wrongs…different families from any region of the country may differ in what they do and don’t do. Some folks view the south as more formal. DS went to grad school in NC and we did not notice this at all. Folks were folks.</p>

<p>And just for the record…I’m not sure that allowing the kiddos to share a room should be viewed as a commentary on how “liberal” this family is in other regards. </p>

<p>As an example…my husband and I are pretty liberal. That would not happen in this household.</p>

3

<p>to clarify- If I was going to give advice to people coming to Seattle it might be
Be prepared for people to dress fairly casually, wear layers- as we like to eat outside in the summer- since we don’t have a big bug problem- we like our fish & asian food- but we will also cater to any kind of allergy you might have-we enjoy your company but you might not be able to tell because we are looking at the ground.</p>

<p>:)</p>

4

<p>emeraldkity, I’m a Seattle native too and I see wedding announcements in our newspapers all the time. I’d wager that a multi-day announcement in a large paper such as the Seattle Times is going to cost quite a bit, but people do spend a lot on weddings. I haven’t seen much of the Dr. and Mrs. Lastname format in awhile, rather people seem to be listing Firstname Lastname of every parent and stepparent, along with whatever city they live in.</p>

<p>Going to school in the South, I do notice many of the cultural differences. There is certainly more formality in dress and in official communication. Southerners are also very friendly, especially since they don’t have the “Scandinavian Reserve” commonly applied to the PNW. Depending on where in the Southeast your D is going, cuisine will vary, but don’t expect tons of Asian or Mexican Food. Seafood is quite popular, as is barbecue and fried foods. Health food is becoming popular, as is specialty coffee, but not yet to the degree of Seattle, Oregon or California. Prepare for hot weather and humidity.</p>

<p>Overall, be a considerate guest just like you would expect from somebody coming to your home. Don’t be constantly comparing things to home, especially out loud. I will again point out that what you would normally wear at home is probably very casual compared to your Southern counterparts, though it is unlikely you would ever be pointed out for this. When you do go down and meet the family, have a fun time.</p>

5

<p>My experience with going from the NW to the SE was this: I had the wrong shoes. I mean, I really really really had the wrong shoes. Mine were comfortable, waterproof, and I could walk in them. Everyone else had cute little ballet-style flats with bows. They changed into them after pulling them out of their purse.</p>

<p>I also had the wrong pants (plain, black) and the wrong top (sweater) and the wrong jacket (fleece). I never did figure out what the right pants and top were, but I think the jacket should have been tailored and buttoned instead of zip.</p>

6

<p>A little bit depends on the where in the southeast and whether the family is southern for many generations. I think in the South we tend to be a little friendlier (ok, maybe a lot more) than some other regions. As a whole, graciousness is appreciated. Manners are not dead here. Yes, m’am and no sir are frequently heard. Husbands and sons hold doors open for their wives and mothers. </p>

<p>We are often more formal (hello, sundresses at football games!), but we can be cute and casual at the same time.</p>

<p>However, the Southeast of today isn’t the same as even a decade or so ago. Almost all the fastest growing areas of the country are in the Southeast. While two of my neighbors are native Atlantans, and another couple of Southerners, the rest hail from all over the country.</p>

<p>I love the quirks of the true south and there are some hilarious books written about them. One of my all times favorite, Being Dead is No Excuse by Metcalf and Hays is a riot. My friend even made one of the recipes and no one in her family would eat it. (And they are real southern.)</p>

<p>My neighbor just read Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn’t Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies’ Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding by the same authors. She said it wasn’t quite as funny as the one about the funerals.</p>

<p>We do like to laugh in the south, often at ourselves. </p>

<p>We don’t look at the ground. Quite the opposite, many of us could talk to a tree if it was the only option.</p>

<p>Mostly, just be yourselves. Southerners certainly no that we aren’t the only folks around and our ways are not the only ways.</p>

7

<p>In my southern experience which includes a couple years in Atlanta, a year in southern Virginia, and numerous trips, people there from the professional class expect more polite conversation, women will wear dresses or nice outfits to most parties and dinners, and they will always wear make-up and some jewelry if they are middle and upper class. Most will have traveled quite a bit but not to the northwest. They often shop in NYC every so often. Most have been to college and know more than they let on.</p>

8

<p>Don’t be surprised if a southerner asks you about your family. We are big on that. It’s not prying. We always include “how’s you Momma (or Daddy or bro./sister/kids) doin’?” in almost every conversation.<br>
It’s just a nice way of saying “You are my friend/guest and I’m interested in your life”.</p>

9

<p>Agree with PackMom. And don’t be surprised if when they introduce you they keep telling everyone where you are from, where your parents are from,etc. It’s just our way of starting the conversation.</p>

<p>There is a difference between being Southern and living in the South. </p>

<p>If the family is Southern, your daughter should not be surprised if they are constantly commenting on how precious, darling, cute, smart, petite, tall, etc. she is. It is all meant as a compliment. :)</p>

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<p>Don’t be surprised if a southerner asks you about your family</p>

<p>My sister has been doing our genealogy and since the BF family appears to be Welsh and from the same general neighborhood that many of my relatives are from ( mine are from a tad north- more missouri- I am gonna see if they are 4th cousins or something.
I admit I have been poking on the internet- their family has used similar names for generations- which I kind of like. ( although if D marries into this family- which I suspect this may be a precursor to- it will be confusing for future researchers with the women sharing the same name)</p>

<p>BF appears to be the rebel- he attended school out of state- other siblings and spouses I think attended Univ of Alabama & live in the area. ( father was in med school in Louisiana)</p>

<p>I told D to take lots of pictures of flora and fauna while she was there I love to see native plants from other areas.</p>

<p>She also loves cooking, maybe she will come back with some new recipes</p>

<p>& I hope she remembers her sunscreen- the weather is hot!</p>

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<p>My husband moved down south first and I came with the kids a few months later. When he was here by himself, the people he met at work took good care of him. There truly is southern hospitality. I do remember him calling me up and telling me that someone invited him over for barbecue. Well a barbecue up north is cooking on a grill. So he arrived in his t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers ready for a cookout. They were making barbecue indoors and eating at the table. It was still pretty informal, but he learned his lesson.</p>

<p>The other story I remember him telling me when he was first down here was about his experience opening a bank account. After he was done filling out all his paperwork to open the account the bank worker brought him around the bank and personally introduced him to all the tellers.</p>

<p>Speaking of barbecue. I went to my first pig roast here in the south, which also included my first pig pickin experience. That was something I had never seen before. </p>

<p>There lots of beautiful flowers and trees. We have a wide open back yard that was desparately in need of some trees when we first arrived. The first tree we planted was a southern magnolia. I had visions of a huge sprawling magnolia in my back yard. They grow pretty slowly. It’s gotten pretty big in 15 years, but never quite as big as it was in my imagination. It’s still beautiful.</p>

12

<p>Well a barbecue up north is cooking on a grill. So he arrived in his t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers ready for a cookout.</p>

<p>I dont remember where I heard it- but someone was told to get a few cases of “coke” for a potluck, so that is what they brought.
Whodathunk that coke was also 7-up and root beer?</p>

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<p>The idea of asking about plants in the garden may be a big hit, depending on the family.
Go to SouthernLiving.com to oogle some beautiful gardens. It’s the Sunset magazine sibling except published in Atlanta.
She also may want to review some old fashioned manners that I didn’t learn growing up in Seattle - if someone she hasn’t met walks into the room she doesn’t have to jump to her feet and extend her hand (though that wouldn’t seem amiss) but at least stop the conversation, smile and be ready for the introduction. Yes Ma’am and No Sir are still used (despite my eye-rolling when I heard my cousins say that in the '70’s on visits.) Pitching in to help is a virtue of houseguests everywhere. </p>

<p>The average person on the street is openly friendly. (Last summer my H and I went to a beautiful inn in Bellingham as part of our visit. We walked 1.5 miles up a path and another mile and a half back down - about the end of which we realized that not one of the dozens of people we had passed had made eye contact or said hello, or even nodded. That wouldn’t have happened in the South.)</p>

14

<p>H is from a southern family of the Battery variety.</p>

<p>I was born in an artist’s commune in the far north, close enough to Canada to practically walk there.</p>

<p>I love my southern in-laws. They were so happy to meet me, exclaimed over me as if they’d never seen a girl before, wanted to know all about my mother and father and grandparents and aunts and uncles. By the time I left after the first visit I’d met everyone and heard about people who’d been dead for years, but who kept coming up over and over again.</p>

<p>One hillarious moment was when I realized my husband, then boyfreind, had no idea who these people were, either. “Now, Ma-ry’s second cousin Peter? You remember Mary, doll? Well, he had a horrible shrimp boil at X the other night. Those shrimp boils just aren’t the same at X now that Luanne isn’t there. Oh, have you seen my new snapdragons?”</p>

<p>Okay, enough joking:</p>

<p>sundresses and sandals…if she wears nothing but sundresses and sandals and a cardigan? They will think she brought all the right clothes, if that is what you are asking. Also, however, they will really just love her the way that she is, ripped t-shirts and jogging shorts, if she asks about them, thier garden, and their dogs. I kid you not.</p>

15

<p>It most definately depends on where in the south your D is going. I am in the metro Atlanta area where a majority of people are transplants, and you would never know you were in the south. I could also travel an hour in any direction and I would think I had entered a time warp of sorts.</p>

<p>One surefire way of having your D warm up to his family is to have her help out in the kitchen and ask about their recipes. Sounds hokey and old fashioned, but I’ve never met a southern woman that doesn’t want to talk about her families peach cobbler/chicken fried steak/tater salad/black eyed peas recipe that has been passed down through generations.</p>

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<p>As others have said, there’s the south, and then there’s the SOUTH. Even in the deep south it depends on the family as to what their traditions are. I will say it is very common to ask about your family, what you do for a living, where people went to school, etc. They are not trying to ‘vet’ you, this is their way of showing interest. It is normal. Another thing, is many (not all, but many) are huggers. I find this to still be a regional thing. Even people you don’t know well…if they are ‘family’ through your daughter they will be hugging you hello, and your husband too. :)<br>
Cooking varies as much throughout the south as it does down the west coast. Tradition is important. Football usually is close to religion. Dress gets more casual near the coastal regions, a bit more preppy in others. As someone else said, ‘Folks is Folks’.
I would echo another poster who said that putting your DD and her BF in the same room is not a sign of their ‘political views’ being liberal. I might even suggest that DD ask for her own room depending on her age and if there is one available. She may ultimately feel more comfortable on her first visit. Just a thought. The poster who said Sir & M’am are still used is VERY correct, although she may be quickly told to call them something else (first name, or Momma). Any younger children will call her Aunt “first name” regardless of relation, or even Auntie “first name”. If not that then Miss “first name”.</p>

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<p>I take it that you’re talking about visiting in Alabama, is that right? If so, I think your dd would be fine addressing her bf’s parents as “Mr. Charlie” and “Miss BettyJo” instead of Mr. and Mrs. Jones as long as she says sir and ma’am when answering them. If they’re even more casual than that, they’ll let her know, but it’s better to start off being extra polite than to offend by being too casual and familiar.</p>

<p>As far as clothing, a young woman can’t go wrong with anything monogrammed (bags, Keds, jewelry, etc.), bows on flip flops, bright colors in spring & summer (think Lily Pulitzer colors), cute little dresses, bermuda shorts with cute little tops, cute little skirts…you get the idea. You’ll often see guys in camo shorts and Alabama/Auburn shirts along side of young women dressed in skirts or sundresses. That disparity continues well into advanced age. Not that young women don’t wear jeans, they do, but they tend to dress them up with jewelry and cute shoes instead of tees and sneakers. </p>

<p>Fill in your dd with as many details as possible about that geneology research. She will endear herself to her bf’s family, especially the older members, by talking about it. The idea that they might be distant cousins will make them happy. I don’t mean that in any negative or rude way, it’s just that southerners place great store by family relations and are usually delighted to learn about a connection with someone new. </p>

<p>Your dd can expect the iced tea (sweetea - as if one word) to be really sweet and the “cokes” to be any number of flavors. Sweet foods seem more common in general, including tangy sweet BBQ sauces. Meals may be starchier than your dd is used to; at a meat n’ three place you can get mac n’ cheese as one of your three “vegetables.” You might suggest that she try grits (tell her to think of it as polenta), especially if her bf’s mama makes garlic cheese grits or shrimp & grits. </p>

<p>I’ve never been invited to a “barbecue” prepared indoors, although when it’s hot we’ve often cooked outside and eaten indoors, or at least offered guests the option of the covered patio w/ fan or the dining tables in the A/C. The humidity is oppressive in summer, and when combined with 95+ highs, can make time outdoors miserable unless you’re in a pool. </p>

<p>I don’t know how common taxidermy is where you live, but your dd may see some at her bf’s home. My dh is one of the few men I know who doesn’t hunt, so we only have some deer antlers that were shed on our property. Most folks I know have at least some mounts (deer heads and fish being the most common) but it’s usually confined to a den or study. She may also see a room (basement media room or den, usually) decorated with lots of red and paintings/prints of Bear Bryant. Such decor is found in multimillion dollar homes as well as more modest ones. </p>

<p>Hope your dd enjoys her visit!</p>

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<p>I don’t know how common taxidermy is where you live- well not so much.</p>

<p>I live in Seattle- we wear jeans to everything- practically- hunting is very rare- and fishing much more rare than it used to be. Neither D attended schools where they called their teachers by a honorific, until D2 attended her inner city high school- where she called science teachers by their last names, and other teachers by Miss Jennie…</p>

<p>We can be even too casual here- H does not even own a suitcoat, and the only time I have seen him in a tie is the day we were married.</p>

<p>D1 is the petite and cute model ( so much so that she wears kids shoes), but I doubt if she even knows what a Lily Pulitzer is , as she lives in Portland, Or., where it is even more indie and * alternative* than Seattle. Lots of ironic hipsters though.</p>

<p>She rarely even wears earrings for her pierced ears, but I will mention it- also to at least bring some makeup - although she is lucky with her coloring- instead of my blond eyebrows/lashes, she has ones so dark and thick even with her blond hair, that my mother once accused me of putting mascara on her- when she was a toddler!
;)</p>

<p>I bet she will love the food- my favorite time of the year, used to be when my relatives from the Midwest would come visit and my grandparents would put on a spread with sweet tea, wilted lettuce, pork tenderloins ( that their nieces/nephews had brought from their farm), sweet white corn ( * not* yella corn, that’s * field* corn), and rolls, which actually tasted a lot like the ones they sell at Ezells fried chicken by D2s high school.</p>

<p>Of course I was a kid & so could eat thousands of calories at a single sitting and not blink.
those were the days.
:)</p>

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<p>I just toured the Lily Pulitzer web site- thanks for the mention- that gives me an idea- some of her skirts kinda look like that- but I don’t know what kind of sundresses she has, I take her shopping at REI.</p>

<p>& I have another clothes question- D1 is very- busty although very petite- she mostly wears knit tees and some just because of the way she is built end up being low cut- ( she wears tees from Target or used clothes)
I am thinking I should gently suggest to her to make sure she doesn’t show cleavage if she can avoid it.</p>

<p>However she doesn’t take subtle hints- so how emphatic should I be?</p>

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<p>This thread cracks me up… Just tell her to be herself, be polite and she will be fine. She should wear what she feels comfortable in!</p>