D23 has been playing volleyball since 4th grade. She plays club over the summer, and has been on her HS team since freshman year. As a junior now she is barely played. She warms the bench most games. I am honestly exhausted of her coming home late every day, driving her here and there and upending my life for a game she enjoys but rarely participates. If her coach dosen’t think she’s good enough to play why even bother at this point? It’s seeming like a colossal waste of everyone’s time.
She started softball freshman year and really likes it and is really good at it. So much so she is contemplating playing in college, maybe D3, or just for fun.
I have come across a travel team with a spot she can try out for. I’m ready to tell her to just QUIT volleyball and do this instead as I know she really enjoys it and may be getting more out of it than warming the bench.
I’m willing to drive her around and pay whatever for softball knowing she is really into it.
Now, daughter is indecisive. She dosent WANT to quit volleyball. And she doesn’t really feel too bothered by her not playing.
I’m not a quitter. But I’m also keenly aware of the precious time she has and am frustrated it is being wasted like this.
Both of my kids were on sports teams in high school…we insisted on that. One sport a year. Neither of them was a starter, and in fact one kid actually seldom competed. They both continued with the HS teams…one for four years, and the other for two (because of a scheduling conflict that kid switched to ski club).
Let your daughter choose what she wants to do. Maybe she likes the camaraderie of that volleyball team.
Is she on the school softball team? Maybe that will be sufficient to fulfill that desire.
It’s not easy becoming a recruited athlete and some kids don’t even want to play at that level.
Does she even want the commitment of the travel softball team…which is a huge time sucker?
Maybe I should just let it go, let her play VB then SB as she wishes and not pursue anything else outside. Like you say Thumper. I just am very frustrated right now and tired of her barely playing even though she has been doing this sport since she was 10 years old.
Will she be getting her driver’s licenses? Will she have a car? That really changes the parent dynamic of after school activities.
For some, it isn’t about playing time. It is about being part of the team. I would let her do what she wants. The reality is that in 3 more years she likely will only be playing for fun.
No she won’t. She has NO TIME to take driver’s Ed due to the excessive volleyball load. She has no time to prep for the PSAT, or get a flu shot, or see the eye doctor. It’s too much!
I can totally relate to the frustration of having your child sit on the bench. My D played volleyball as well but quit between sophomore and junior year when the coach told her she would have to play JO year round to have any hope of making varsity. She had too many other interests to play year round and we supported her decision.
In the end though, it was her decision and we would have supported her either way.
My DD20 played soccer from age 5, competitively from age 8. She was a decent player but didn’t see a future with it after high school. She too had trouble letting go of soccer as she had grown up with it, those were her friends and being a “soccer player” was part of her identity. She started getting burned out with the time commitment soccer at her school was ultra competitive and required a year round club commitment to even make the HS team.
But when she decided she was done with soccer we supported that. She took up lacrosse her 8th grade year and has solidified a new group of friends and is now a “lacrosse player”. She even leveraged lacrosse into some recruiting interest from smaller NAIA and D3 schools, though her academic interests weren’t inline with those schools.
It is tough giving up an activity that has become part of you. But at the same time staying active, part of a team, and enjoying the experience even if it is not the means to an end has value as well.
And unless she is looking to get recruited or her school teams are very competitive, in my mind the expense and commitment for club or travel sports just isn’t worth it.
I totally hear you on your kid having no time to practice driving or even get a flu shot! I wish all our kids could have meaningful participation time in whatever it is they love. I get frustrated with theater when they spend so many hours at rehearsal and it turns out they didn’t even run the scene your kid is in. Or sailing when there’s no wind . . . I guess most activities have their downsides! But volleyball seems extra tough with so few players on the court for games. Is she getting playing time and exercise at practice?
That’s what my husband says, she’s staying active and enjoys being “part of the team” even though her playing time has plummeted in relation to her participation in the sport.
Remember that playing in games is only a small part of being on a team. She’s playing every day at practice, and she clearly enjoys that.
Actually, it’s a great life skill to do what you like because it connects you with people. And it’s important to stay active for health reasons. What your daughter is doing is laying the foundation for both of those. Not everything has to be about being the best or where it’ll take you. I totally hear you on the time sink part of this but she IS getting something out of it.
There is a lot to be said for doing things on an amateur basis. The idea that we should invest our time only in things at which we excel doesn’t really set us up for happy, healthy lives.
As for recruiting, I can tell you that it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. The teams that want you may not be at your top choice schools. To choose a school that isn’t at the top of the list simply because they’ll give you a roster spot is a path only someone whose life is not complete without that sport should choose.
Your D will be a ringer in Intramural sports in both volleyball and softball and welcome on any team in that capacity.
In 2 years, you’ll be missing your time together in the car. Sending you a virtual hug, a great book on your kindle, and a strong cup of coffee!
The club volleyball teams in my area can cost hundreds of dollars a month. So if it was my daughter and she wasn’t getting playing time, she’d be pulled. Now the high school team is a different story. They practice six days a week in season, but at least it is free. So I’d make the decision on the club team and let her make the decision for the school team.
Most parents of a HS athlete can relate to the frustration of no/little play time. My 3 kids were all varsity HS athletes. I am the parent team manager for two HS teams and I get an earful every day! And each parent’s gripe is legitimate. Coaches are not perfect.
And I’ve watched kids sit on the bench for 4 years. And play almost every minute for 4 years. In the end, they all finish up their careers with a shared experience that seems far more important than play time.
Among the hockey parents (both sons played hockey for 12 years), there is a saying: “All roads lead to adult hockey.” Stars, subs and bench warmers…all part of the same team and all enjoyed the same benefits of being part of that team.
Club volleyball also is very expensive, thousands of dollars! AND her HS coach is the club person as well so he would like her to play that. I won’t spend the money on volleyball if he won’t even let her play on the HS team. I MIGHT consider travel softball since it seems to appeal to her more than VB at this point. But I hear all the parents here who are seeing the big picture, that her participation, even though she isn’t actively playing games is just as essential as being a starter. Thank you for helping me wade through this.
And to add to this my daughter is also a harpist, which she pretty much shelved once she started these sports. Another reason why I’m sour on Volleyball.
couple of questions:
you D is a junior now, class of 21?
Is volleyball season for HS going on now for your state? is she on V or JV? Does she play club VBall? when does that start? do they offer pretty much fair playing time on club VBall? Would she play for her HS team with softball if she joined the club team? Which does she enjoy more?
our HS athletic director has told us that the coaches’ jobs are to play the best kids, and in HS playing time is not equal at all. And, even if you think she might get more playing time as a senior, if a younger kid shows up who is better, that kid gets to play. no guarantees.
with club ball, it seems to be more fair playing time since you are paying for it, right?
if she loves volleyball, maybe there are some rec leagues through your city or YMCA that she could play with rather than paying for club ball. And with softball, if she interested, it might be a nice change. . . … good luck. sounds like she’s a good athlete.
I realized I wrote her wrong graduation year (Yes, she is ‘21) -I’m thinking about my son who just entered college this year, and the class of ‘23. Mea Culpa.
She is currently in the midst of volleyball. (Varsity) , and she professes to love both sports equally. BUT when visiting colleges she will always make this smirky face when she realizes they don’t have a softball team. Which makes me think deep down she likes it/and or thinks she is better at softball than volleyball.
She is also short for volleyball, and her coach has even commented to that effect. Ouch.
I get she isn’t the best player, I’m a realist, which is why I’m ready to bag this sport!
The game of volleyball changes when the girls become women, muscles appear and it gets more athletic. So between ninth and tenth grades (15s in club and earlier in the better programs) you see a lot more blocking, you have to hit over or through people, the velocities pick up, and the kids that can’t keep up are left behind. There’s not much in the way of skill that’s going to get a 5’6" OH to hit past a couple of skilled 5’10" blockers. For some it means a move from the front to the back row, and for others it means a move to the bench.
What’s common is that a high school roster is composed of two groups of kids: the ones who play at good clubs and the others. You can usually spot the ones who are playing year round, and the team will go as far as they carry it. The others will get scraps of playing time, do a lot of goofy cheering and have fun in practice. There are actually a few on my DD’s team who would rather not play in games because they don’t want to screw anything up, they just want a couple of early season appearances to get a letter and then go hang out and be on the team.
If she finds joy in being a teammate then celebrate that. If she’s not ready to face the end of her career yet, let her ride this out and come to grips with it later. As soon as this season ends, however, she’ll have to choose spring softball or club volleyball, so there’s not going to be a lot of time to mull it over. She already knows in her heart if she’s ever going to make varsity or play (and she’s probably right - the kids know who should be playing) so it’s just a matter of how comfortable she is with that path or another. For me, sitting on my hands is the hardest part of parenting. I’d suggest biting your tongue and watching to see if she’s enjoying how she’s spending her time. If it looks good then let it go. High school is hard without a tribe and sports can really provide that.
Also, consider that if you don’t like driving to the gym six days a week I am not sure how much you’re going to like driving to softball five days days a week plus spending the rest of your summer weekends at a suburban SB complex. And SB may not be any different as far as playing time. You only need a few pitchers and the coaches may never play the bench there either, especially given substitution rules that don’t allow putting the stars back in the game.
If she said she doesn’t want to quit volleyball, I wouldn’t push it. And unless she absolutely loves softball, I personally wouldn’t push for year round club with an eye on playing in college. Even at a D3 school, sports will take up a lot of time and often sets your social life. For those who love it, great! For those who want to try something new in college, branch out a bit…less great.
like me, she’s a good 5’4”. So all are towering over her and though powerful, she’s not good enough to overcome her limitations.
If she finds joy in being a teammate then celebrate that.
-this is probably just as important as having play time. You are 100% right.
Also, consider that if you don’t like driving to the gym six days a week I am not sure how much you’re going to like driving to softball five days days a week plus spending the rest of your summer weekends at a suburban SB complex. And SB may not be any different as far as playing time.
-I get what your saying, but I also am unaware of her actual softball abilities, maybe she is amazing at it. Her coach thinks she’s good. I have no clue what I’m looking at!
I’m ready to devote time to her endeavors, but if they are futile and to the dereliction of other things, then I take issue.