I think we would prefer to help with that, too. But who knows? Our deal is that while D2 and S are still in school, their education comes first (D1’s is all done and paid for and she has a god job while earning her master’s. Which we paid for.) When D2 is finished, S steps to the head of the line. When his education is done, who knows? We may feel differently, but we’ve always sort of thought that D1 would get married while S was still in school (they are ten years apart) and we probably won’t be able to pay for his education at the same time that we pay for a wedding and the school comes first.</p>
<p>jym, our dresses were similar. My “slip” had spaghetti straps. The dress had a simple neckline finished with the slip fabric as a kind of rolled edge, with many covered buttons down the front. I had a white ribbon at the waist, and the bottom of the skirt was kind of scalloped, it was the edge of the floral embroidery pattern, which became more dense at the bottom. The sleeves were just past the elbow, not puffy, but not tight. I had pink rosebuds and baby’s breath in my hair. A friend, who was a professional seamstress, made the dress for me from fabric I found in NYC.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I totally get where you are in regards to the wedding. My H and I are very middle class and we have sacrificed a lot to pay for their college. They are very lucky in that they have no college debt. They went to wonderful schools, had great experiences and will (hopefully for my last one) have great jobs that they will be able to support themselves. They got to go to their college of their dreams and have experiences and opportunities that many don’t have.</p>
<p>Now, my H and I need to prepare for our retirement. We have sacrificed and scraped for a long time and to give them this gift. Now, honestly so that we can have the retirement of our dreams, the kids need to finance the wedding that they want. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love them or that I won’t support them. It probably means that we won’t contribute in our way. But they will have great jobs and if they marry the people they are involved with now, they also have great jobs and should be able to save and pay for their own weddings.</p>
<p>I’m sorry if others think this is mean. But people on CC come from very different walks of life and some can afford to pay for an expensive college tuition and an expensive wedding. I think at some point, we have to as parents, think of our own future and not to give our kids every experience of their dreams.</p>
<p>I had a very modest wedding that my H and I mostly financed ourselves. My SIL and BIL had a very lavish wedding and the cost to my parents and his wouldn’t have paid their bar bill. </p>
<p>I don’t live a lavish lifestyle, we drive older cars, go on very few vacations. My kids will have opportunities because they will be debt free in regards to their college education. How they spend it, is up to them.</p>
<p>We are not at all wealthy. I don’t think anyone here has suggested that parents go into debt to fund an over the top wedding. It is just fairly common for parents to want to give some help for weddings,rehearsal dinners. It is a rite of passage and one last thing many people want to to for their children. Older kids making lots of money certainly can pay all or most of the wedding costs, especially if they want a more lavish reception or rehearsal dinner than the parents feel they can afford.</p>
<p>Mine was a sheer/semi sheer high collared dress, NYmom.</p>
<p>But I digress. I agree with sevmom. I am a helper by nature so would want to help if we are needed. That said, I am done, done, DONE with school tuition payments!!! We’ve been paying tuition payments for like 20 years. No mas!!!</p>
<p>The most lavish wedding I’ve ever been to cost <em>easily</em> a quarter of a million dollars.</p>
<p>DD wouldn’t eat the food (probably $200/plate :eek:) so one of the waiters for our table (there were two dedicated waitstaff per table :eek::eek:) went into the kitchen and made her a bowl of pasta with some tomato sauce. Pretty good service. </p>
<p>I will say, each of the four bands was really good. And the four-foot tall centerpieces each covered with about 200 roses looked really nice.</p>
<p>I told my kids, don’t be getting any ideas. :D</p>
<p>I think each family has to decide what works for them and their situation. It can also vary considerably depending on whether the parents expect to invite a lot of family & friends to the wedding of their children (we surely hope to, as our parents did and likely will also). Obviously means and values enter into the picture, as well as everyone’s variable ability/willingness to pay.</p>
<p>It is good to have choices and be able to figure out what works best for the individuals/families involved. Viva la difference!</p>
<p>Am so looking forward to the LAST tuition payment, which we HOPE will be next month!</p>
<p>I have to chime in and say that I hate the way weddings have evolved to extravaganzas.</p>
<p>I agree. I have no problem with a catered affair, dinner, champagne, flowers, that sort of thing. But, these $250k+ affairs are ridiculous. Same with ridiculous B-day parties, Sweet Sixteens, etc.</p>
<p>When my mom died last year(and dad had died 10 years before that), some of the nicest pictures i found revolved around their fairly simple wedding and reception. I had of course seen these pictures before but looked at them in a different light. Simple small Methodist wedding in a picturesque church, small reception at my Mom’s Aunt’s house. Maybe 40 or 50 people tops.Everyone beaming,relatives and close friends. Hosted by family for the happy couple!</p>
<p>When we got married, our families each wanted to invite those THEY wanted to include. My in-laws wanted to include friends they had known pretty much all their lives, plus neighbors and all the weddings they had attended over the decades. Dad wanted to include all his friends that he had acquired over the decades as well. The guest list was WAY, WAY over the number of people we had wanted but to us, the wedding wasn’t all about us. It was the only big celebration my in-laws were planning in their lives and we couldn’t deny them. We told everyone that they paid for whomever they invited & we paid for the folks we invited. We paid for everything else as well (rehearsal dinner, flowers which were arranged with love by friends, etc.) It worked out & no one had any regrets that we’ve ever heard. It was a very joyous celebration and we had a 7 course sit-down banquet.</p>
<p>Maybe that is part of why zoosersmom does not want to pay for a wedding-she said she really doesn’t have many people to invite, to even fill a table much beyond the bridal party? I don’t have TONS of people I would want to invite but would hope to be able to invite a few friends’s families who my kids grew up with as well as aunts,uncles. Kids are meeting people from other places all the time in college and in the workplace and those are the people they probably most want at their weddings. I would not want to pay for a kids’ 1000+ facebook friends to come to a kid’s wedding!</p>
<p>My parents’ wedding photos are hilarious. They got married in the middle of summer, it was about 100 degrees, outside in a gazebo. My mom was pregnant. My dad had a curly perm. Very, very small wedding. I think there may have been 15 people there, at the most. </p>
<p>They then followed that up with a huge Gypsy party at my grandparents’ farm. </p>
<p>Honestly, I’ve never seen any of these big weddings. The most elaborate thing I’ve ever seen at a wedding was my cousin and his groomsmen riding in on motorcycles and flying through pyrotechnics. (They’re all stuntmen). Other than that, everyone I know has very, very low-key weddings. </p>
<p>What the heck would you even spend $250k on?!?! That amount of money is just baffling to me.</p>
<p>I just want ONE of my kids to get married before I have to rent the room at the assisted living for the rehearsal dinner or reception. When the time comes, we will discuss the type of wedding we can afford…just like we discussed the type of COLLEGES we could afford.</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes, the OP has not complained yet about the topic veering off course(and has actually participated in the wedding discussion) so I wouldn’t worry about it. Most of us posting are parents that have adult and/or college age kids and will be facing these issues at some point. We can always get back to the clarinet at some point (my older son actually played clarinet for a few years- he just took it from our house to his place in DC last month-hadn’t played in years and I was surprised he could still play some tunes-younger son still has his violin here so he can take that with him when the time is right).</p>
<p>I wasn’t saying it was a bad thing… I also didn’t say or mean that the OP or anyone else minded. I just thought it might warrant it’s own thread :/</p>